Ordinary Day

Give it up?

Put it away?

Keep it for another day?

Preparation taking time

Future open, on the line.

See the Past.

Plan the Day.

Weigh the need.

Measure the deed.

Everyone has answers.

They'll tell you they do.

Most interesting to me

Their view is askew.

Outside. Inside.

Treasure. Trash.

You've moved on.

They've gone away.

They've moved on.

You have to stay.

Value perceived

Value received.

Take some advice.

Your treasure is their trash.

Your values for the past.

Are their targets for today.

They've collected their own

Your memories are old.

You see the best.

They covet the rest.

Your life has value.

For all to see.

Look up and away.

Your future's not to stay.

Road Runner

I sit and wonder . . .                                                                                                         Is this my Past?                                                                                                      

If it is so,                                                                                                                         how will my Future go?

So many times I feel I wait.                                                                                             When all I want is to anticipate.

Have I moved too far, too fast?                                                                                       Am I going to be first or last?

My map's kind of cloudy.                                                                                                 My eyes see unclear.

This race that I've run?                                                                                               Will I never see the Sun?

I feel alone yet I walk beside.                                                                                       Sometimes I need a different ride.

Why do I make messes . . .                                                                                           When what I want are mixtures.

Coming to a Crossroad . . .                                                                                              I've seen this place before.

It's not one I want to visit again.                                                                               Nothing draws me through the doors.                  

If I sit down I might not go on.                                                                                       If I stand still, there's no race to run.                                    

LIfe's supposed to get easier as we age.                                                                       The challenge is we're all on a "stage".

To see and be seen.                                                                                                       To walk and to run.  

I wait and I watch.                                                                                                        Tell the world, "I've had enough?"  

It's simple, my friend.                                                                                                       I do not give up.

I walk and I learn.                                                                                                             I stop and I turn.

For me it's the journey.                                                                                                 Not how the story ends.

Life Song

Plant a seed

Watch it grow.

As it blooms

It wilts and dies.

We live like flowers

Reaching high for Stars

We stretch and jump.

Believe we have control.

Only to see others,

Jump in front, jump in line.

Answers surround us,

Pullng us along.

We believe. 

Life is like a song.

If you learn the "lyrics"

You will sing the song.

The gold pot waiting

As you continue anticipating.

You stretch and reach,

You jump and fall.

Sometimes you try too hard.

You hit the proverbial wall.

Time will force you to race.

You'll see it as an enemy.

You cannot stop it.

Not even hold it in place.

Once here, now there.

Disappearing like the Sun.

Do not give up. . .

Or set aside

Hold it close - - 

And you will see

Hoards of others

Running to reach

Where you want to be.

Adapt To Change

Woke up this morning.                                                                           Time to write. 

Came a BIG Surprise!                                                                             Felt slammed against a wall.

All because a Hacker.                                                                               Intentionally tried                                                                                     to make my life                                                                                   a living "HXXX".                                                              

Here's what I "heard":       

Old Lady, Old Lady,                                                                                 You don't know                                                                                       what you're talking about.

All I'm doing                                                                                           is protecting my family.

You're the one                                                                                       who had to speak out.

Hiding in plain sight.                                                                         Continuing to "push the envelope"           

Thinks they outsmarted me.                                                                 Not a chance.     

You think no one knows?                                                                       You're safe in what you do?

I'm "OLD" --                                                                                                WHAT DO I KNOW?

You'll soon find                                                                                         aging has benefits.

Trained to uncover,                                                                                 dig deep, lasts a lifetime. 

Some tools aren't meant to "borrow",                                                             They belong to another.

Got it all wrong, you say?                                                                       Not as "old" and "worn" as you believe.

I see beyond and beneath.                                                                       I go to depths you'll never see. 

We aging are survivors.                                                                         We've known your kind before.

You've thrown me a curve ball.                                                                 I'll adjust my stance to compensate.

Today's World IS more complicated.                                                         Every Brave New World challenges.

You believe you're safe.                                                                           You "caught" and "changed"?

You removed and believed                                                                   Your actions removed responsibility.

The Dance of Life goes on.                                                                   Quick, quick, slow, slow.                                                                     

I see where you've been.                                                                         I know where you go.

Keep both eyes open.                                                                            The real life journey has just begun.                       

BitterSweet

We used to cringe                                                                                                           when we would see                                                                                               pictures of starving                                                                                                 children on TV.                                        

Today we simply                                                                                                         point and click.

Removing images                                                                                                             is fast and "slick".

How many of you                                                                                                           turn away                                                                                                                           from the screen?     

Do you believe                                                                                                                 If it's gone,                                                                                                                     it's not "seen"?                               

Images that used to                                                                                               cause channel change                                                                                                    

Now barely cause                                                                                                              a voice to raise.                                                 

Why do we not turn away?                                                                                           Has it become                                                                                                                "just another day".                                                                    

So many "channels".                                                                                                           To occupy our time.                                                                     

Devastation of homes,                                                                                                  of human lives.                                                                                                            Do not even get a "rise".

Turning away.                                                                                                                   To munch and crunch.                                                                                                     Angry if we miss lunch.

To provide and assist.                                                                                                   To care and to see

Brings Change To The World                                                                                      For YOU and for ME.

Perfecting People

I giggle,                                                                                                                       surpress a laugh.                                                                                                                Another Gen                                                                                                                 moving up fast.

All want to walk,                                                                                                               run the AI Trail.                                                                                                                  Soon it will be                                                                                                                   "their time to fail".                                                                                                           

As younger Gens                                                                                                             sit on the throne,                                                                                                                they throw the stones.                                                                                                  and walk alone.                                                                                                               

Soon they'll step aside                                                                                                       As a new Gen arrives. 

Go forth and multiply.                                                                                                         No need to even try.

Pull up your Avatar.                                                                                                       Click your online friend. 

Skin and bones.                                                                                                           Blood runs cold.                                                                                                                

We were told.                                                                                                                     We could be bold.

Population crashing.                                                                                                       Everyone dashing.

No succession.                                                                                                             Continual recession.

Robots obey.                                                                                                                       Humans cause discord.

Why not have a Ferrari . . .                                                                                           Instead of a Ford?

Children Learn                                                                                                               What They Live.                                                                                                                  I was told years ago

If we teach them to take.                                                                                                 We build a future fake.

Applauding the machines                                                                                                 For all they could do                                        

We put our faith in wires,                                                                                             They were our "desires"

Swallowing the hype.                                                                                                       We would guide and type

Watching Dissolution                                                                                                       Seeing Revolution?

Spoiler In The Deck

Parents are  given one chance, 

one lifetime, to do "our job". 

Raising those helpless, 

amazing infants 

who arrive in our lives.

Over whom we have 

little to less control 

as the years pass.

I really thought, 

given the same parents, 

lifestyle, advantages,

the "mold" would shape 

each offspring similarly.

People are individuals. 

What they experience, 

how they interpret life, 

decisions they make -- 

are variables.

We tried to "equalize" 

to ensure no child was 

"left behind".

One always pushed the 

"envelope of life"

Believing they were 

Always in control.

There were no "perks" 

for one over another.

Each was encouraged 

in their unique or similar 

interests and abilities.

Then they were "grown"; 

developed with support

into the ongoing 

process of each life step.

But how, some parents ask, 

can one be so "different" 

towards them from the"others". 

How can they twist truth 

about daily life -- 

as "they" experienced it?

Enter other influencers. 

Especially those 

with ability & capacity 

in bed and out.

 

A lifelong "soul mate"

with non-removable straps.

A manipulator

Never changes

It adapts, adopts,

Survives using deceit.

I'm happy, they say.

I love being used.

It helps me provide.

What I'm told to do.

Animals know their own smell

They bury it well.

Then covers what it produces

As the smell repels.

The closer you are 

The less you want to know.

Not wanting to be caught

In the growing web of 

Manipulation & Control.

Same Old Song

My generation lived daily.                                                                                                   With short, quick sentences

Constant reminders of life lessons                                                                             Many learned "the hard way"                                                                                       Passed down verbally.

Economies torn apart.                                                                                           Families struggled to survive.

Advanced Age does not create wisdom.                                                                     Experience and Foresight are teachers.

Mom's generation.                                                                                                           Knew true value.                                                                         

Didn't need to see the words.                                                                                     Emblazoned on a wall.

Shortages from WWII.                                                                                                       Most lived hand to mouth.

Some reaped great rewards.                                                                                         Suppliers of the devastation 

Look closely, see similarities.                                                                                         Wars can be internal or external.

Shortages and then empty shelves.                                                                               Days assigned to stand in line.

Soon we may understand                                                                                                 The real meaning of "no more today".                                       

War comes in many shapes and sizes.                                                                             Big guns, high flying planes are messengers.

People at tables, a  few speak, some listen.                                                                 Waiting to know today's special. 

If it will be "palatable".                                                                                                         Or cause more disruption and loss.

Always told what we will gain.                                                                                           The need to cut back, to let go. 

Generations follow many leaders.                                                                                   Old lessons never learned.

Losses celebrated.                                                                                                             Lives enumerated.

One by one we pass away.                                                                                                 Believing tomorrow's another day.

Life Tests

Pairing, sharing,                                                                                                               finding, losing

Times of plenty,                                                                                                                  times of scarce.

Walking, running,                                                                                                             stumbling, falling                                                                                               

Places, spaces,                                                                                                               requiem

Laughing, crying,                                                                                                               Birthing, dying.

One thing common                                                                                                       among the rest,                                                                       

Time puts everyone                                                                                                         through "the test".                                                                                 

Where will we go,                                                                                                           who will we be?                                      

Decades from now                                                                                                             will we still be "WE"?

Some will remain,                                                                                                           Others will fly.

Life is a battle,                                                                                                                   life is a breeze.

Never fully knowing                                                                                                       what we will seize.

Life has its moments                                                                                                     Shared and alone.

We welcome the best                                                                                             Turning backs on the rest.

Continuation

Overwhelmed.                                                                                                                 Daily seeing, wanting, believing.

As usual, it's right in front of me.                                                                                         I just need to turn                                                                                                               In the direction I'm being shown.

We often do not see                                                                                                     what's "right in front of us".                                      

It's what's most prominent                                                                                             that's often not obvious.

Loss leads us on a different path.                                                                                 We sometimes straddle more than one.

Others cannot see our direction.                                                                                     They often say we're "lost".                                        

My "gift" is seeing                                                                                                             beyond the obvious.                                            

Or so it seems                                                                                                               this is what I've been "given".

You, also, have                                                                                                             unique, special abilities. 

Sometimes it takes                                                                                                           a lifetime to recognize. 

Pulled and pushed                                                                                                          all directions multiple times.                                                                                      

We often react                                                                                                               when we should observe.

Listen, step back and reapproach.    

One viewpoint                                                                                                             never provides a full scenario.

Tread carefully                                                                                                                 into where you listen.

Be aware                                                                                                                           of what you speak.                    

Believe today                                                                                                                   isn't your only chance.                                     

Reset your "self"                                                                                                             as you do your clocks.

Walking Together

Just Yesterday                                                                                                                 We sat in a pew

We listened and learned.                                                                                             Followed and directed.        

We had no living Grandparents

Neither my husband or mine

Honoring my Mom and His

They walked down the aisle

On the arm of a family member

Honored as living examples

Of what was and will be

It was years

That felt like days

When a coffin led the way

I walked alongside

our daughter 

directly behind

your coffin.

Our sons

Your Friends

carried you,

honoring your life, 

the man you were,

the memory you continue to be.

I forgot some things 

for your funeral

but I wasn't really expecting 

there to be one. 

You were getting better.

You were coming home. . . 

in a few days.

. 

Then it happened. 

The change. 

The turn around. 

The swift,

slow movement 

towards our separation.

Your never coming home, 

never returning here 

to be with me again.

No!

I don't need 

to "let go".

No! 

I do not need 

to give away, 

throw away 

EVERYTHING 

about you.

 

It's not a 

constant reminder .

It will always be 

a part of  MY life. 

As time moves forward, 

I take a little here, a little there

to shelters and other places,

 

I think someone will benefit 

from having "new" clothes 

even if there are 

some small signs

of wear and use.

We've always given to others.

It's a part of our life.

Part of who we were 

separately and together. 
This time would be no different. 

If there remains any visible signs

of everyday life as it used to be, 

what difference is that from 

living with family heirlooms 

generation to generation?

It is my life.

Was our life. 

Hurts no one.

Helps me.

And that has become 

a part of my mourning, 

as individual as I am, 

always have been. 

A long term widow?  

A long term individual, wife, 

mother and daughter.

(written 06/17/15 as one of many remembrances held close now shared) 

Pockets To Pick

Where  to begin?

Each time I touch                                                                          

or see something.

A part of husband 

or mother's life.

                                                  

I'm reminded of 

criticisms by family 

and others.

Sons lived 8 hours 

drive away.

One Son 

came to visit.

 

The other 

couldn't find the time.

Critical family members 

and a Church member                                    

as a caregiver for Mom 

and for my husband.

Only one of these 

came into the house.

                                                                      

Only one provided 

any type of "assistance".

40 hours over 11 months.                                                                                               often with several weeks in between.   

I'm being very generous 

calling it "assistance".                                        

What she did was find ways 

to disrupt and destroy                                            

my Mom 

and her relationship with me.

I've had many conversations                                                                                           with women who have been caregivers,                                     

for immediate family members,                                                                                         husbands, other relatives and friends.                                              

                        

Almost all tell stories of abuse suffered                                                                         from other family members and friends                                                                       who found fault and criticized.

"Critics" seldom finding time

to visit, relieve direct caregivers.

My oldest son came to visit once                                                                               during the time his father was critically ill.                                                      

Our telephone conversations were few.                                                    

He was always finding fault.

He always told me how "incompetent"

Incapable I was.

I turned to him one time.

I begged for help.

For his Father.

He said "No".

                                                                              

People are reflections 

of the lives they're living                         

especially when they 

find fault with others and criticize.

After my husband, 

his father's death,                                                           

oldest son's criticism escalated. 

He felt "he" was now 

"the head" of "the family".

He wasn't raised to be a "chauvinist".                                                                               He certainly knows how to be one.                                                                                   Where and from whom and why?

Or is it he was "lowered" over years

To be someone without authority

There to provide, to accept

Every time I tried to trust him,                                                                                         he turned around and found a way                                                                                   to cause me harm mentally & emotionally.                                                

He'd physically lost control one time,                                                                               hit me so hard he broke teeth 

and then said I deserved it.

Knocked his father down,

Running away.

He removed our ability, 

his father, mine,                                                        

his grandmother and sister's,                                                                                                   to see or talk with "his" children.

Children grow,

someday they'll know.

They'll see the light

The darkness their parents created.

Once before they married, we visited, 

She led us on a "tour" of the house

We had no idea they lived together

This was decades 

And a decade before

"Trial Marriages"

"Cohabitation"

Became commonplace.

Taken on a walking tour

Stopping outside a bedroom

Thankful my Mom 

Could not take the stairs

Shocked by what we saw

Husband, self, 

Our 10 year old daughter

Before handheld phone/cameras

A display of several bras & panties

We were "greeted" by 

her underpants and bras

"displayed" on a bed 

in a room they shared.

It was before the turn of this Century.

"Shacking Up" was not the Norm.

Showing contempt for someone's parents

Was the depth of being crude.

She didn't care. She felt "entitled".

Showed how much when they married.

Demanding we turn over cash to "them"

So they could go to Europe.

It was and continued to be "her way"

Money we'd saved, 

despite previous experiences,

For a traditional "dinner together"

Both families sharing a special time together.

Her "out of control" 

demands and commands

left us with no choice. 

We skipped the Wedding.

We weren't "honored guests" 

we were simply

Pockets to Pick.