Saturday, August 16, 2025

Found! Other LBD Writers

Time Travel Entry 
written Aril 29, 2013
published August, 2025

Deep in the time 
of living with LBD
I wrote 
to try to understand
To continue 
going forward.

It's like finding a map 
or at least 
a table of contents 
to a complex textbook.

Have been talking 
with my daughter, 
sharing the 
many changes 
I've noticed 
in My Mom's/Grandma's 
abilities to communicate.
 
Words substituted 
with no relationship.
 
Loss of ability 
to find words,
make or write
complete sentences.
 
Moving from one idea 
to another 
as though 
they tie together 
but with no bearing 
on one another.

Talking, talking, talking. 
Laughing &  laughing,
or angry, angry, angry.

Never quite sure 
which emotion 
will surface 
or present itself.

Finding others in
the LBD community --
their writings help.

I believe 
there's a commonality
From man to woman, 
From State to State,
From Country to Country.

For us it's
complicated 
by visits from JH, 
the woman who 
befriended Mom. 

She works 
to cause
more confusion 
and to try 
to get Mom 
to do things 
and say things 
that will cause 
friction between us 
& problems for Mom.

Reading, reading reading.
  
No one. 
Not a single person 
mentions the complex 
and ever changing 
"soap opera" 
of the delusions,
halucinations 
their loved ones relate.

There are strange things:
seeing a zebra on the lawn, 
mistaking a spouse (female) 
for a secretary of many years, 
remembering her as pregnant 
(a laugh the spouse said 
she'd been dieting 
& lost thirty pounds).

Perhaps someone visiting 
mentioned the weight loss 
and the LBD husband 
rearranged the information 
recollecting weight loss 
after pregnancy.

This stimulated 
recalling the memory 
of the pregnant secretary -- 
mixing all together.

We found Mom's delusions 
have some source
in a "real world" experience.

The loss of accurate language
can make LBD people 
unable to communicate 
a simple thought accurately.

LBD is like a mixer 
with random ingredients 
added in and never knowing 
what the end results will be.
 
There are mental "drains" 
where some fall through. 

Other parts 
never get mixed in, 
some stay in large clumps,
others fall away.

This disease, 
if you aren't suffering 
from it as the person 
or the caregiver, 
can be fascinating. 

It can also 
be frightening
when you witness 
the temperment
of the person 
go from friendly
to furious 
and back again 
in what can be 
split seconds.

Why aren't we 
associating 
other 
"mental illnesses" 
with LBD 
and using research 
in those areas -- 
like schizoprehenia 
or brain damage? 

Linking together 
these areas of study 
might provide clues 
to discovering 
cures & ways to manage.

Talk about Dementia.
Read about LBD. 
Spread the word.

Work towards a better future 
for our aging population:

Volunteer at a Senior Center.
Advocate with State Legislatures.
Follow writers who dig deep.
Looking to share. 
Showing they care.

Friday, August 15, 2025

When Will They Ever Learn?

In America, parents "Push".                                                                                               Kids "Pull" life like it's Taffy.                                                                                               

Both believing their "Recipe" is best.                                                           Focusing on leaving "The Nest".

The more distance, even in AI times,                                                                               The more possibilities for personal harm.

Even when you're close and share,                                                                             There are secrets placed here and there.

We're taught self sufficiency.                                                                                           To know how to survive many inequities.

The human heart, though, wants to believe                                                                     That man or woman would NEVER deceive.

Flying far from the nest                                                                                                     They believe they'll rise from the rest.

Life builds, life breaks.                                                                                                  Life gives, life takes. 

So set on the journey.                                                                                               No ties bind so tight.

They believe they rise faster                                                                                           When "you" are not in sight.                      

Once takers, now makers,                                                                                             Soon creators becoming fakers.

They learn to expound                                                                                                     on what they do "right".                                                                 

Overlooking the vast extent                                                                                             of dark, unfriendly night.

Parents are set aside.                                                                                                         Influencers become their guide.

The "Pot of Gold" just out of sight                                                             Focus away from "the light".

Like Carnival Barkers of ages past.                                                                               They tempt and cajole until the very last.                                                                                                                                                         

Friday, August 8, 2025

Retrofiting, Retraining, Replacing

Fingers placed, keyboard spaced.                                                                                Humans needed, easily replaced.

Family and friends redefined.                                                                                             New relationships formed and signed.

We encourage "play".                                                                                                       "Trained" along the way.

Fulfill your wants.                                                                                                             Your needs can wait.

Sounds of praise                                                                                                                 Cradle to grave.  

We accept, we believe.                                                                                                       An unknown "expert" often deceives.

We're told to accept,                                                                                                           To believe what we're told.                                                                                             Especially applied to those getting Old.

Youth is worshiped. Age is FUN.                                                                                   We shortly bask in the Rising Sun.

The Pot of Gold, Rainbow and all,                                                                                   We feel so big and look so small.

We watch a loved one disappear                                                                             Seeing a stranger we sometimes fear

The person we love comes and goes.                                                            Where and when we never know.  

Tuesday, August 5, 2025

Family Ties Undone

Learn from my wanting, 
needing to trust.
A wolf in sheep's clothing
Can tear life apart. 

We lived together 
as a MultiGen Family 
for almost forty years.

Husband would pass 
January 2011.

Mom would pass January 2014
The year of her 100th Birthday.

I felt so lost.
Home from 100 days in Hospital 
Our Family Room became 
my husband's  bedroom.

A Visiting Nurse came twice.
Then it was up to me.

it's all about "deep pockets"
In our land of the brave
Home of the Free.

At first he could walk a little.
Soon he would be bedridden.
No Medical Insurance.
To cover major care.

Social Security?
Medicare?
Minimal coverage.

Savings, Assets?
One hundred hospital days
Reduces your assets and capabilities.

We'd had a small business.
Paid our own Insurance.

Think twice before you leave
That "cushy job" with benefits.
In today's world "perks"
Are astronomically priced.

Today's young believe
Life will provide.
They see dollar signs
Believing they'll be "rich".

The smart ones rise.
The hard workers sink.
It's not what you do
It's what you "think".

We tried. 
We rose. 
We survived.

Then we learned.
Those benefits
Are what working's
All about.

Self service is great
Self employment has holes.

Saturday, August 2, 2025

Mourning Lets In The Light

Time can be so short or very long.                                                                              These past years moved ever so slowly.

When I stand and look backwards, 
they actually passed very quickly.

When I looked forward,
it seemed an endless chasm appeared. 

It truly seems like yesterday 
 
we took that walk 
down the church aisle 
to get married . . . 

Then I walked alongside
our daughter and behind
your coffin.

Our sons
Your Friends
carried you,
honoring your life, 
the man you were,
the memory you continue to be.

I forgot some things 
for your funeral
but I wasn't really expecting 
there to be one. 

You were getting better.
You were coming home. . . 
in a few days.
Then it happened. 
The change. 
The turn around. 

The swift,
slow movement 
towards our separation.

Your never coming home, 
never returning here 
to be with me again.

No!
I don't need 
to "let go".

No! 
I do not need 
to give away, 
throw away 
EVERYTHING 
about you.
 
It's not a 
constant reminder .

It will always be 
a part of  MY life. 

As time moves forward, 
I take a little here, a little there
to shelters and other places,
 
I think some man will benefit 
from having "new" clothes 
even if there are 
some small signs
of wear and use.

We've always given to others.
It was a part of our life.
Part of who we were 
separately and together. 
This time would be no different. 

If there remains any visible signs
of everyday life as it used to be, 
what difference is that from 
living with family heirlooms 
generation to generation?

It is my life.
Was our life. 

Hurts no one.
Helps me.

And that has become 
a part of my mourning
as individual as I am, 
always have been. 

A long term widow?  
A long term individual, wife, 
mother and daughter.

(written 06/17/15 as one of many remembrances held close now shared)