Just Yesterday We sat in a pew
We listened and learned. Followed and directed.
We had no living Grandparents
Neither my husband or mine
Honoring my Mom and His
They walked down the aisle
On the arm of a family member
Honored as living examples
Of what was and will be
It was years
That felt like days
When a coffin led the way
I walked alongside
our daughter
directly behind
your coffin.
Our sons
Your Friends
carried you,
honoring your life,
the man you were,
the memory you continue to be.
I forgot some things
for your funeral
but I wasn't really expecting
there to be one.
You were getting better.
You were getting better.
You were coming home. . .
in a few days.
.
Then it happened.
The change.
The turn around.
The swift,
The swift,
slow movement
towards our separation.
Your never coming home,
never returning here
to be with me again.
No!
No!
I don't need
to "let go".
No!
I do not need
to give away,
throw away
EVERYTHING
about you.
It's not a
constant reminder .
It will always be
a part of MY life.
As time moves forward,
I take a little here, a little there
to shelters and other places,
I think someone will benefit
from having "new" clothes
even if there are
some small signs
of wear and use.
We've always given to others.
It's a part of our life.
Part of who we were
separately and together.
This time would be no different.
If there remains any visible signs
This time would be no different.
If there remains any visible signs
of everyday life as it used to be,
what difference is that from
living with family heirlooms
generation to generation?
It is my life.
It is my life.
Was our life.
Hurts no one.
Helps me.
And that has become
And that has become
a part of my mourning,
as individual as I am,
always have been.
A long term widow?
A long term widow?
A long term individual, wife,
mother and daughter.
(written 06/17/15 as one of many remembrances held close now shared)
