Boomers Pave The Way

As a society, 

we tend to assign behaviors, 

attitudes, beliefs and practices 

to specific age groups 

across the board. 

Listen to a forty something 

when he/she forgets 

a word or a phrase 

jokingly refers to this 

"missed memory" 

as a "Senior Moment".

Boomers are "booed" 

by many 

as "taking up space", 

"hoarding the best houses", 

increased consumption.

Never have I ever heard 

so much discord directed 

at an age group 

as I have by those 

who owe their lives 

to many who came before.

A constant complaint about

the "cost" of a generation 

who gave so much,  

started with so little.

Having the courage 

of their fathers

and their mothers 

to climb life's ladder, 

open doors 

for all coming behind.

We marched, we picketed, 

we raised our voices . . . 

in meetings, 

on land line phones, 

in stick shift cars, 

riding buses long distances,

for Freedom and Equality.

Our songs 

presented the problems, 

challenges of the times.

We held 

Hands across America

with our children 

standing beside

showing unity, 

community.

We started many causes,

saw many needs.

Working then and now 

to create a better world.

Raising awareness 

of those who work 

to tear us apart.

Boomers were once 

the "golden children".

On their way 

"up the ladder to a

life of comfort & benefit."

Boomers went to College. 

Even if it was 

the "new" Community College.

Created to accommodate 

the high numbers of births

after the War.

Needing preparation 

for "tomorrow's world".

Females whose mothers worked 

on assembly lines for our troops, 

walked together, advanced programs 

and started diversity & inclusion.

They had sons & daughters,

worked as teachers, 

in offices and on Boards;

stepped across lines, 

pioneered, led the way, 

showing the best directions.

The trend was moving women 

from assembly to check-out lines.

Away from the "Big City" to suburbs

to the not long ago vacant fields 

now filled with 

"little houses on the hillside, 

little houses made of ticky tack",

and the suburban shopping centers.

Those now "funny looking" 

aging men & women 

fought for freedom, 

came home to work crazy shifts, 

tried to advance 

on a ladder constantly moved 

towards higher & higher 

education, training.

Suburban housing developments

were created and gave rise to

"Millionaire Businesses" 

from services 

to retail 

and Credit Cards.

No more walking 

to the "corner store" 

or grabbing a bus 

or "trolley".

 

One car for work,

another for 

"the lady of the house".

The automobile 

became necessary

to get to 

the Malls and Strip Centers

where spending 

became a pastime for some 

and a necessity for others.

Then "the lady" 

did the unthinkable

She went to college. . .  

She competed for jobs . . .  

once "belonging" to "men". 

Did they really "spend" 

more than they made 

as many now accuse? 

Assembly lines faded, 

more giant high rise 

office buildings grew.

A "Brave NewWorld" 

develops with computers 

and home delivery.

With so much emphasis on AI, 

kids are being praised,

become popular, 

as they adapt and embrace

the art/science of AI.

Video games, 

programs encouraging winning, 

gambling, knocking things around -- 

and we wonder where all the "violence" 

we see and hear about has "come from". 

Ever hear a young friend/relative 

refer to some being"just like" 

Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, 

when there's a forgetful moment?

"Individuals" 

is how the vast majority 

of people want to be seen.

                           

Instead, we measure, categorize, 

assign and place people in Stats.

Society decides what's "typical" 

and the "bar" often moves.

Using polls, questionaires, 

even medical records.

Supplying information 

for behaviours, conditions.

Like any other statistical 

or marketing poll, 

you get out of it 

what you put into it, 

often producing inaccurate, 

insufficient guidelines.

Dr Benjamin Spock

might be the cause 

of Statistical Reasoning.

 

Unless you're a member 

of the Boomer Generation  

you probably do not recognize 

the name of this very prominent 

physician, writer, 

and a top Influencer of his time.

He was the first medical professional, 

a pediatrician, to "characterize"

or "group" children's ages.

You may recall the "Terrible Two's". 

Advice from infancy through adolescence.

Dr Benjamin Spock, 

taught another lesson to Boomer mothers.

  

He championed the concept 

of continual learning, 

growing, developing,

and being "care givers" 

for another generation.

It's anticipated and believed 

the child will "outgrow" 

certain actions and reactions 

with direction or intervention.

Today, we embrace

a different approach.

Those machines 

we constantly have our fingers on 

are there to retrain and restructure 

according to whoever controls them.

Society in general 

doesn't believe 

the aging adult 

is going to 

"get" better or "outgrow" 

actions or behaviours.

We are taught to believe 

the aging are all moving into 

that valley, that depth of life 

where only memory loss 

and physical loss of capability exist.

It is inevitable and non-reversible

to be expected and anticipated

One benefit of AI

is 24/7 ability

to use resources

to gain knowledge

to understand.

Boomers are not Aging As Expected. 

They're not sitting 

in rocking chairs on front porches.

Many hold out on going quietly 

into homes for the aging.

Boomers set a different path 

listening to a different drummer.

Boomers marched, picketed 

and their music 

reflected the conflicts 

and the challenges of the times.

A generation 

forming large groups of protestors 

to bring to light wrongs 

to work to bring about change. 

Boomers continue 

to honor those who went before them.

Aging as they choose to age.

Rejecting stereotypes,

Working for understanding.

LOOK OUT WORLD. 

Senior Moments 

change and create 

the world as we NEED it to be. 

Millennials may be the turning point; 
Baby Boomers are the force to be reckoned with.

Fine wines are aged. 

Human Aging is like a fine wine.

Boomers Pave The Way

Building highways into tomorrow. 

Asset To Society -- A Scary Phrase

Who defines 

"value" in humans -- 

of any age.

To who 

do we apply 

this "measure"?

This gift 

of long life

we used to 

highly treasure?

To aged 16 

who tell us 

they can drive 

so let them vote...

Raise the level 

of responsibility, 

consequences, too.

Bear the costs 

of your demands 

to be "grown"

Get out there on your own!

Give Us Your Homes! 

Scream the youngest 

climbing the hill.

They have no wisdom, 

only the "will"

We live in the future 

you live in the past

Our ways gave you hope 

to not be "the last".

We are rising, 

we want, 

we need, 

we deserve.

 

You've given, 

you've gotten, 

now we need 

to be served.

 

Go To  

"Aging Communities" 

where over the Hill

Defines 40 

as verging 

on needing more pills.

Move on, move away, 

You've taken and had.

NOW . . .  

give up, give in, 

give it . . . to "ME".

 

We want what we want,

You've taught us this way

We won't wait . . . 

NOT a single more day

Most of all -- GO AWAY

Who makes these decisions, 

these policies?

Look ahead and behind 

and surely you'll see. . .

 

Generations before 

were taught 

"you have to wait"

Today we teach youth 

it's all within your grasp.

 

Just reach out and you'll have . . . 

Whatever you want 

is yours for the taking . . . 

It isn't always necessary 

you do the making.

Where are YOU 

on this journey 

of self over others?

If you aren't included, 

raise your voice

The others are shouting 

so loud there's no choice

Some say

Each day 

we draw closer 

to our time 

of devaluation. 

I prefer to believe

We are all necessary 

and provide variation.

Look Behind The Curtain IN PROCESS

Let's take a look behind 

the "marketing" and "tour presentation" 

statements for many Long Term Care facilities. 

First area of "inspection" -- DINING.

Dining As It Appears:  

Walking in you'll see tables, often a TV, 

Maybe it's a combination "community room" 

used for visiting musical groups or for other uses. 

You're told how residents are "encouraged" 

to come to the dining room. 

How the staff has been trained in "

white glove individual service" 

and it's like dining in a nice restaurant. 

You're told.

If for some reason 

they can't get to the dining room 

or would prefer to "dine in their room", 

this is simply accomplished 

by the resident calling ahead 

and ordering what they'd like. 

Picture, if you will, 

someone with poor eyesight 

given a list with items on it 

about the size of this type. 

The list is in columns 

but isn't organized, just randomly posted. 

On any given day 

certain items 

"may not be available".

 

The resident, 

who has difficulty making decisions 

due to advancing Dementia, 

or just indecisiveness, 

now has to make another choice. 

Reading is challenging.

Listening is confusing.

So they ask for and receive

What "they always order".

Reality Dining:

This mulitpurpose room 

may be used several times a quarter 

for meetings and other events 

and closed to residents. 

Residents dine in the dining room

on their floor or in their room. 

This can be for one meal: 

breakfast, lunch or dinner 

OR it can be for an entire day.

Dining on the resident's living floor

is in a small area where residents

who cannot travel the distance 

or do not have the mental or physical abilities 

to sit with others due to either behaviour 

or limitations are regularly dining. 

No conversation possible.

Do not turn away. 

This will not change

It will be "your way" someday.

Dining begins and service ends at a set time. 

If you don't make it, you may have to settle 

for whatever might happen to be 

in the refrigerator on your floor 

and due to "cutbacks" that's possibly 

now limited to ice cream, 

bologna sandwiches,

maybe some low fat milk.

Some would say it's "service'

Others would say it's "control".

Life Lessons Learned

Some say you can adjust, make the best of a life challenge.                                   It's like falling into the "rabbit hole" of Alice in Wonderland.

You try your best, do what you can and often "go with the flow".

Here's what I wrote as we struggled just to move day to day:

Daughter and I are both trying to find full time jobs.

We're both working part time.

Can't afford to work on Commission basis.

Need consistent income to overcome and just pay bills.

With full time jobs, we would have some security.

We've found "gigs"--always waiting for the next one "to appear".

One day out of many. We needed desperately to be different.

We both had the day off. This was unusual. 

We had enough in our "budget" for the week to use the Gas                                             we had in the tank and replace it. 

Decided to "splurge" and take a chance,                                                                         to continue to survive, move forward.

We, separately and together, felt the need to feel close.                                           That meant traveling to Mom's gravesite.

To gain strength from being "near" as we did for years.

A journey of more than 100 miles round trip,                                                         providing some peace -- now that we've returned.

It's been difficult at my work lately. 

Challenges I'm not sure I want to continue to endure.

With no other opportunities, I keep believing in tomorrow.

Like many others, we move from day to day.

We know this time provides the basis                                                                           for our keeping a roof over our heads                                                                     and food on the table.

I know I can't walk away until I find another. 

This is the typical "world of work" and I am only one of many.

There's one "challenge" I face many do not -- 

Not so easy to find work "at my age".

Mom's life was her example to me                                                                                    of personal strength and caring beyond yourself. 

She taught me to believe in my "self'. 

I'd practiced that lesson many times over when she was around.

How Old Are You?

Usually sidestepping I decided this time to face the question and see the reaction.

She visibly jumped and immediately reached to put her arm around me even though I'd been walking on my own.

What's with this "age group"?

We were taught it's "not polite' and even "inconsiderate" to ask someone's age, race, educational or marital status.

Closest we've come is asking "Where'd you go to High School?" and that's after a conversation about where someone "grew up" starts.

We "birthed" this Gen and their offspring?                                                                   They seem to think today is where we've lived consistently.

It takes them time and often it requires a mixed age group for these "Gen Xers," who are actually close on our heels but don't realize it because they're so busy going through life stages they can't see where they are and where they're going.

Death walks in and reasoning walks out the door. 

I liked her, I still do, but it amazes me the questions 50 somethings ask directly.

No preparation.  Didn't know her name or relationship.                                                     A person obviously related; the Memorial Service was very small.

What happened to "polite conversation"?

Manners seem to have moved aside to instant gratification.                  

Where are the "manners"; not asking "personal questions" we taught?          

She seems bright and capable but this "direct question" of someone I just met is far too personal -- would she ask a contemporary what size Bra she wore on first meeting?

I know! She's amazed "people my age" aren't bent over, shuffling and having trouble processing simple sentences.

I like you but you really need to "get out" more and mix with all generations and not just see "growing older" as "getting senile".

Death isn't confined to age groups or "getting older'.

We are all, however, facing that "final curtain" and do not know when it will be drawn across our life. Even for Gen X the day grows closer.

Beginning of The End

In these words, I find the strength needed to share

Knowing you, who read, have a reason.                                                                         Need unfilled, often critical in timing and purpose.

A journey concerned, caring and confused, maybe alone.                               Medical error; no one admits

A few come to visit, some express concern.                                                                 Advice is their "contribution". Misinformation abounds.

Time and funds limited.                                                                                               Sons married living hundreds of miles away.                                                               Daughter trying to stay in college.

No cell phones or computers that could send pictures.                                 Believing each day would bring healing, life would change.

Lied to by the Hospital and the Doctors.                                                                     "All he has to do is gain a little more weight."

They knew what was happening to my husband.                                               They changed his dressing on the incision.

Record keeping often typed.                                                                                       Easy to "adjust" to "cover errors & omissions

The Dr writing them made the error.                                                                       Never set a foot near my husband on that fateful night.                                       Gave the direction on the phone to "lance" .

Infection or inability or both created a deep incision

HE was a SHE in the ER; short staffed, definitely.

SHE was unable to help my husband

         took out a phone and made a call

         followed orders given uncertain of how to proceed

        did as she was told

HE  was not in the ER

       was somewhere he didn't want to leave

       did not ask the right questions

       caused the beginning of the end

       did not appear all the time we were in the ER

       wrote the report, signed it stating HE did the cutting.

Sight unseen, she followed his direction              

He never saw the patient

He never ensured a Dr made the incision

How harmful his "advice" would prove to be

His failure to ensure competency led to my husband's death

It was 2009, personal computers were rare but hospitals had systems. 

No Dr attending. 

"She" made a call. 

Received directions to"lance" 

She did exactly as she was told.

Beginning of the end.

LBD Social Signs

"Hindsight is better than foresight" is never more true than for caregiver's, family, friends of loved ones with Dementia.

Current studies cite the appearance of specific behaviours as being the "keys" to diagnosing Dementia.

Many forms cannot be specifically cited or identified until there's a post mortem examination of the brain.

It doesn't matter if someone has Alzheimer's, Lewy Body, Frontal Temporal or others, they have Dementia.

We need to recognize Dementia as the next big life challenge.

It's fatal, physically and emotionally draining.

It's destructive and stops life as we know it,

General articles and reports often become focused on the decline of mental processing citing bodily functions including standing, walking, incontinence as type or stage of the disease.

Are these really effective measures of Dementia's progression? 

Are we simply focusing on those areas we consider "more important" and use to determine the "level" of the progression and level of caregiving?

When are we going to recognize Dementia, especially Lewy Body Dementia, doesn't appear like Cancer often does with a lump you can feel or Heart Disease with a stroke? 

Lewy Body Dementia often masquarades.  As I wrote in the blog entry: Masks: Ever Changing Faces of Lewy Body Dementia , LBD is not always visible. 

People with LBD, in the beginning stages, seem to be capable of adjusting their minds, are "socially conscious", even far into progression of the disease.

They may laugh about "what they've just said", mix and match information that seems to go together to the "untrained" and "unfamiliar with the subject" ear and eye. 

Another observation I've had with Mom is how vacillating Lewy Body Dementia really is; behaviors were so unpredictable. 

It amazed me how caregivers at Mom's facility and especially the floor nurse, an LPN, believed we could affect her behavior or we could change it or Mom could choose to change it.

Unfortunately, these are all false beliefs about a real, medical condition that like Diabetes, Heart Disease or Cancer, cannot be controlled or adjusted through "willpower" or "determination".

The other night at a presentation, the message was conveyed by a gentleman about his wife and how she could somehow, if she just tried, control or affect actions like sitting up in her chair. 

It was HIS wants and needs for her to be who she's always been, not who she was becoming.

After a long period of time and a good day, when for some reason her brain neural pathways had shifted, changed or somehow let a message "slip through", my Mom might make that movement or give that response.

We, too, desperately wanted Mom to be the person we knew, we lived with, to be there, to have the ability to "return" to the person we felt comfortable around and with.

Like a trained animal, we reward the Advanced Dementia patient who shows us they "can" do something, hear something correctly, respond correctly, with a smile, words of encouragement and even with statements like "I knew you could do it if you tried hard enough".  

How grateful I am now realizing that with enough advancement of the Dementia this level of self satisfaction on the part of the visitor, the family member, may not truly register with the person struggling with Dementia.

Then, there is the other belief, and one popular today, about "the right medicine" controlling and eliminating "the disease".

You see, we're far more accepting of something we "catch" changing someone's life than we are when there is a "loss" of what is perceived to be the "self' of the individual which many believe should be able to be "personally controlled".

It may be more like eradicating Cancer. 

Controlled to some degree, possibly, perhaps, but the ability to eradicate may be more challenging or accomplished with some form of discovery that shifts development and progression.

We may find the causes of some Dementias and be able to change behaviors (smoking) or where you live (not close to where chemicals have been dumped) and therefore not get a specific Dementia (Cancer).

Unless someone determines there is one specific cause for Cancer -- possibly a genetic tendency or even lack of certain configurations/compositions -- Dementia, like Cancer, in my opinion, will be with us for many years to come.

Dementia may be seen as being prevalent in the very elderly but each passing day we're discovering, as we grow from an infant to a toddler, through adolescence and into adulthood, the vast frontier of the brain and how it is the center of the individual human universe remains an ongoing challenge.

Just recently, some have started  classifying other brain diseases, Muscular Dystrophy and Parkinson's for example, into the area of Dementias. They affect the brain and that is where Dementia works so the theory is they're related  or even one and the same.

Let's have a movement within society to be as health wary about Dementia as we are about Cancer and heart disease that affect human relationships and lifestyles.

Let's open the discussion, bring into the light, show the world we see, hear and most of all support those who are challenged with and from Dementia including the individuals and their care givers whether family or other.

YOU have the power to facilitate a change. 

Start a conversation. Volunteer to visit LTC's.

YOU hold the future in your hands.

It's your future or at least the future of someone you love.

Line of Descent

Life is life and death is death.                                                                                             Until the time when East meets West.

Extend your arms, reach out your hands,                                                                           Close your eyes & take a stand.

There they are, each one you knew,                                                                             Now gone as others and so will you.   

Parents left, then brothers, too.                                                                                       Sisters lingered as though they knew                                                                         When they walked on, so would you.

A line was formed and except for War                                                                         Each one came "home" to lay beside                                                                                 A wife, a child, in their own space.

You came and went leaving flowers for all,                                                           Knowing the day would come                                                                                     When you answered the call.

We wait for you to come and stay                                                                                   While now you turn and walk away.                                                                                   We too had hopes and plans like you.  

Some were done and some remain                                                                                 Others we took into this grave.                                                                                           It's up to you to carry on.                                                                        

To Move Is To Live

They sit in wheelchairs waiting. Some given privileges of chairs.

Forbidden to walk because they might fall. Too few caregivers.

Sometimes a smile from a passer by. Sometimes a glance of curiosity.

Dogs and cats greeted better than older human beings in facilities.

If life could only be like a story on a streaming service. . .

Where each of us who have abilities and choices change places . . . 

With family members in "Institutions". Would we then see?

Those who did not have or somehow lost the ways and means . . . 

Go through the doors of government subsidized Elder Care

Interesting they use the name "Elder" 

A title in many Communities given out of respect and honor

Are you so sure it's "as promised"? 

Have you really gone behind those "closed doors".

Do you see what you want to see because you need it to be?

I understand. I walked that walk. Everyday I had to work.

So hard to know we could not take Mom home.

She lived with us for over forty years into her 100th year.

We didn't want her "institutionalized".

We were finally able to move her but no money for private care.

Both of us had to work to survive.

We tried another facility and then another and another. 

LTC with government support was worse than kennels for animals.

Tears come to my eyes even today knowing what was done to us by the Church Lady is being done by others in a high tech world.

Predators are all around us as we move towards 2025

I found another attacking one of my Cousins.  

They are a devious group of humans, focused on self gain.

             

Do not go blindly, open your eyes wide.                                                                         When it's your time you'll see far too clearly.                                     

Society won't support you.  Your value is gone.                                 

Values are for what can be achieved and how fast.

Ability and possibility.

A commodity worth only what the market values.

Aging isn't what they tell you it is

When you're young and anxious to grow older.

When you arrive, it's not the destination you thought

No turning back, you can't even run away.

You'll stand up tall, hoping to look strong

Or bend over with the weight.

 

Looking into a darkness

Seeking to find the light

Making do, moving on, waiting for someone, anyone

And you, young one, see this as best for ME.

You who complain on ships about the food 

Waiting too long for anything, not enough space

Change places with me and see for yourself

Closed doors change points of view

Signed in, locked up, waiting for the light

A few privileged have it better, or so I'm told

I travel to meetings, conventions and find

What's practiced that's humane is few and far between

I will keep looking and writing seeing words are the way

To ensure those growing older will see better days.