Multi-Gen Living

November, 2010 , we ended our journey

as a multigenerational family. 

Living together in the same home 

almost four decades.

It's not a "new idea".

Practiced for centuries among many cultures.

Multiple generational living under one roof.

What changed this practice for the Western World? 

Some say it was industrialization -- 

moving from rural to city areas and then to the suburbs. 

Some say the houses were "smaller" ---

yet many "made do" in small apartments in the city 

with multi-generations; 

not everyone has had or has a home in the US and doesn't in other countries.

When did we start not being "neighbors", "family" and "friends in need"?

Yes, there are adjustments, concessions and even learning a "new way" to live with another person -- just like "living together" w/wo a legal agreement or document.

It's also like bringing home the first child and each child added -- it's a family, a growing and changing dynamic --where adjustments and considerations are a part of everyday life.

Think about how beneficial it is 

to have another person in your life 
someone to share time, experiences with everyday.
                   
It's a different kind of "life" and "living" -- less for the self and more for others.

It's like adoption.  You bring in a child or young person to your home, the family unit, only this is an "adult".

Have we turned to domestic animals to replace additional people? They're nice to have but they also require care, time and add cost.

There are differences, admittedly.... depending on the age of the child, usually the "family living together unit" is for fewer years...the "child" grows up, gains abilities, can share in the responsibilities of family life

THE ADULT joining the family grows older....usually experiences more "need" from physical or mental challenges.... has decreasing abilities and often special needs

We chose to have "an extended family under one roof", to provide for others in need who added to the whole of the family unit. 

THESE ARE THE VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE who everyday in every way are living a life of sharing their lives... 

My In-Laws youngest son had Down's Syndrome. 

It was the early 1950s. They were told to "instutionalize" him. 

They were advised not to "take him outside the home".

They chose to include Tom as a part of their family.

He was an active part of their lives. He went where they went. He was given an education (they worked to get Special Schooling and programs started). Tom (in younger years, "Tommy") was a part of our lives and proudly walked as a part of our wedding party.

Listen to your heart. Do what you believe is best for yourself and those you love.

Statements you may hear others say:

We should be able to take care of ourselves...all our lives
If you save enough..
If you're careful....
If you plan right...
You won't need to "impose" on anyone; 

you can afford to live SOMEWHERE ELSE....

Some can. Many can't. Especially as the years go by.

We've redefined the family in the past several years.

We've redefined relationships.

We've redefined so many areas of life but we still have a "hang up" when it comes to multi generational living.

Multigenerational Living ....this is the life we shared, we made together, we chose...and I am grateful every day as we worked to make it a life worth living . . .  for each of us

A relationship that enabled and gave value and opportunities to each family member.

A lifetime of caring, sharing and supporting one another through challenges & times of great joy.

Learning from one another and about ourselves.

We told Mom...who'd lived alone when I went away to college and since I was married, who worked and had her own apartment....when we learned she'd broken her wrist ... 

It's a choice you can make each day and you can choose to leave at any time. 

We will always be there for you whenever and wherever we're needed.

That was November, 1971 and in November, 2010 the manipulation and control of an abuser who came into our lives could not, in the end, separate our multi generational family. 

We, each family member, are who we are today because we opened our minds, our hearts and our home(s) to share a life we treasure now as we did when it was being created.

A family is created by the people who join together; it's not age restricted or limited to direct blood lines throughout.

Yes, YOU can become a multi-gene family. It's your life, not theirs!

Kelsey Grammer, Whoopi Goldberg, Teepa Snow Are Dementia Advocates

Reading this blog you might think we're negative and only see what's wrong with Dementia care especially in Long Term Care Facilities.

Our experiences are definitely more on the "dark side" of Elder Care and especially Dementia care but within the darkness has been ENGLIGHTENMENT and that is what we also share in this blog.

We realized we were not alone in our experiences. Advocating, becoming involved and networking, we heard stories similar to our own about Undue Influence, Abuse, Neglect and poor Senior Caregiving.

Generally, people who have these experiences are often consumed and confused just trying to survive another day dealing with dementia.

We've decided to raise our voices and provide actual personal experience with Dementia/Lewy Body Dementia) to build awareness and provide opportunity for advocacy and change.

There are a few prominent and easily recognized people on the "cutting edge" trying to change how Seniors with Dementia are seen, cared, and provided for. 

Teepa Snow is one of those rare individuals whose voice is growing stronger, louder and certainly more visible with her website http://www.teepasnow.com/  and parts of her videos which you can see at https://www.youtube.com/user/teepasnow

We found one of her videos when searching You Tube sometime after Mom was initially diagnosed with possible/probable Lewy Body Dementia in the mid or late stages.

At that time, there was very little on Lewy Body Dementia available on the web; this was Spring 2012 and it seems like an eternity has passed instead of just two years with the NEW and visionary entries on LBD on many sites. (Reposting this entry; it's now November 2023 -- almost ten years since my Mom passed.)

Teepa's approach to caregiving for Dementia patients focuses on her work with patients directly as an Occupational Therapist. 

This branch of Therapy, in our opinion, is the one least used in facilities mainly because there is very little financial support through Medicare and Medicaid for the general population.

In Mom's facility, almost all Physical Therapy was provided in a special area or room with varying types of equipment. It was "prescribed" and therefore could provide revenue.

Occupational Therapy tends to use everyday items to rebuild skillsets and can often be done outside of a specific location including the resident's room or the patient's home. 

In facilities and leaving hospitals for Rehab, the coverage by many private insurances and definitely through Medicare/Medicaid, is geared towards physical therapy with occupational therapy seen as aiding stroke victims and sometimes to regain basic skillsets like eating, dressing and other personal care areas. 

(Note added Oct 2023: Medicare seems to be changing and covering more Physical Therapy. Not certain about Medicaid.)

Teepa broaden's the approach of caregiving to every person, especially those providing the daily services (Aides, primarily but also Nurses and Doctors) to specific ways and means to touch, talk and see what is visible and what is hidden in providing care ensuring the safety and well being of individuals with Dementia.

We need more advocates like Teepa Snow within the industry of Senior Care!

HATS OFF TO VOYCE! It's the Ombudsman agency in the metro St Louis, Missouri area. They have changed to providing awareness, building knowledge with the general public and continuing to "supervise" Long Term Care within the limited bounds provided by the State of Missouri. 

YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

The reality in many facilities is the Activity Department is the one that is given the responsibility of developing "social interaction" and various other areas. 

The challenge becomes anyone can go to Activities but you have to have "orders" for Occupational Therapy from a Doctor and that is reviewed for type and extent by the insurance companies both private, State and Federal.

What Teepa teaches are ways to live, work and play with individuals in various stages of Dementia. She also specifically addresses Lewy Body Dementia, how it differs and specific ways to cope with this roller coaster Dementia.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6kz-mcNNzo  and
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRC3WLSQSq8

IMPORTANT NOTE: Teepa provides programs to various organizations and groups, some of her more informative presentations are located on sources not accessible through just searching You Tube with Teepa's name. Suggest as we have done you use her name and also a subject area like: Lewy Body Dementia.

You'll bring up various videos including one by Whoopi Goldberg who's become a spokesperson for the Lewy Body Dementia Association. 

Here's the connection to Whoopi's PSA: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcSYg4xtVus  

and to one from Kelsey Grammer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRg2RqQqnNo

Listen, Learn and Spread The Word -- 

Today, resolve to send three people this blog entry  or blogsite . . . 

it's important to their health and the health of family members and friends . . . 

to become aware of LBD and Senior Care Challenges and possibilities.

Thank You for reading my Blog, for positively changing our Seniors/Elders lives, who deserve recognition for all they have given, accomplished and endured.

As The Twig Is Bent So Grows The Family Tree

Pre-Note: Written after my husband passed and my mother, I reflected on how my oldest son, living hundreds of miles away, shown in earlier writings about his "unwillingness" to help, decided his sister and I should "downsize" and leave the only home she knew and the very special place where memories still live for me.

Sitting at the kitchen table, looking out the window, family gatherings and everyday events come to mind.

No, my  son, I could  not sell this house; not now; not yet and not then -- when you told me how wrong I was about "keeping it" after Dad passed.

With all its challenges as it ages, like I am also doing, it is a comfort, a haven of memories and peace of mind. 

Yes, there have been several times when I could have used "your" help but I would never ask you as the price I had to pay isn't worth the cost.

We've stumbled, we've even fallen along the way but through it all I had your sister, my daughter, and when I've asked, your brother, there to guide, to care and to understand it is my life, still, while I can and am willing to live it in ways you do not comprehend.

You have chosen to walk another path, one of distance and eventual complete separation. That is your choice. It is not how you lived, it is not how we taught.

To you,  it's a "big" house and needs repairs and so much more. 

To me, it's a respite, a hope and a future without having to give up,  give in and try to hold on for dear life -- been there, done that not just since you were born but many years before with my Mother supporting, caring and "there" for me, for us.

You live hundreds of miles away and seldom come to visit. 

Yet you want to "manage" my life. Why? Because you believe your "knowledge" from buying two houses and renting them give you the ability and even "the right" to decide how I will live?

I admit, without your sister continuing to be a part of my life I would not have been financially able or capable. But you would not be able to provide for your family of five if your wife wasn't working and you didn't have a good job. In your way you also work together to gain and retain what you want, what you need.

We all make decisions; we live lives we choose with parts that are given and parts that are taken.

Looking out the window I see the towering Oak tree that once was a twig cut from your Grandfather's Oak in the home they lived in as long as we have now. 

I placed the twig in water, allowed it to root and then Dad and I planted it in our yard; a symbol of continuity, of family and of the love we had for one another -- especially now that all of them are no longer with us.

Your father planted it after asking me where I'd like for it to be. 

I chose far enough away from the house where it would get sunlight and have room to grow to its potential.

Today, it towers over us, reminding me with its' beauty, it's welcome shade on hot Summer days and even its bare branches covered with snow in Winter reminded me how Seasons, of life, pass and bring their own beauty and "gifts" to each of us.

The tree is "family", what it should be, growing day by day, able to stand alone yet benefiting all around and a reminder of those who shared life with us, my husband, your father, my mother, your Grandmother

So fortunate and privileged were we all to build this dream, carved out this space to grow our lives and shelter our extended family.This wasn't our first home; it was the fourth one we called home.

We moved as Dad moved up the corporate ladder and then to this place, our "forever home" where we chose to spend so many years learning, growing, working -- together.

It was a little bit of a reach but it gave us what we valued -- a yard back and front where you and your siblings spent time, each of you had your own room including Grandma who came to live with us when you were two months old and moved with us around the country before settling here. 

When your sister "came along" we added another bedroom and bath in the "lower level" aka "the basement". We couldn't afford to finish all the area; you had a "separate" bedroom and didn't have to "share", as many siblings do, when a family addition arrives. 

It was and is HOME.  It was and is MEMORIES.

And, I, my son, am like my Mother, with whom you spent your life as we did ours; you grew from a small child into a grown man and benefited along the way from three adults loving you, caring about you and providing for you -- and your siblings--even when we should have said "enough" and "no, we can't.

If we believed it was beneficial; we found a way. And that was for each, in their own way, as one received, so did the others. 

There were no "favorites", none was provided for beyond others that included a short time as Guardians for your Uncle's grand-daughter.

As the twig is bent, so grows the tree....but the tree that is moved to another location also responds to where it is moved...and that can affect the shape, height, even the way the tree responds to the elements around it.

You chose and choose to make choices every day. 

Perhaps you'll reach your full maturity some day and recognize how important it is to bend, to move "with", not against winds that blow. 

Perhaps you have in some ways in your personal and professional life; now it's time to adjust, to understand life is more than just what surrounds you every day.

Someday I will leave this house. It will continue in some form, another shape, another owner -- your sister, as that is our plan.

The Seasons are changing. Soon Spring will arrive. Some days already show signs of warming and new growth and development from animals to plants. 

When will you change, my son? 
When will you have the courage to reconnect? 

I have the memories but it's not the same. 

It's been your decision to disconnect yourself and your children.

It is not what you were taught; it is not how you were raised.

I continue to walk my life's path. 
I make decisions and plan.

I continue to work.

Your sister agrees and works each day with me to survive/thrive.

Looking out the window at the tree I see new growth.

I hope someday soon to see new positive growth from your part of "The Family Tree".

Shock & Awe: CBS Morning News Reporter Brushes Off COVID-19

The following was written while still deep in COVID. I held onto it, finally published it on March 20, 2020, in reviewing noticed some areas that needed expansion so today, August 14, 2023, going over my "work" I decided to review and add a few comments and then publish.

BEGINNING OF PREVIOUS WRITING ON SUBJECT:

Today I thought I was listening to three early morning commentators who were focused and understood the severity of the warnings and the guidelines for COVID-19 as I watched the CBS Morning News.

Behind the scenes, in "real" life, apparently it's "life as usual" for those who stand or sit before us and offer to tell us "what's best" and "how we should get through" this life challenge.

Anthony Mason actually shocked me this morning when a segment meant to show how some late teen/twenty somethings were on the beaches, at restaurants and bars and basically "laughing" in the face of this killer bug because they thought "It's not coming for me, so why should I care?" showed how he wasn't taking seriously the level of this world encompassing problem has been and continues to be.

IMPORTANT:  I know many people of all ages who do not act this way and they are to be commended for their mature approach to life as they will continue to be enabled and enable others. I applaud and support them; they are amazing.

My point about Anthony Mason, not sure about his age but he's listed as 63 -- old enough to know better but possibly believing he isn't "that old" the COVID-19 will come for him, recounted how his daughter  had told him recently he shouldn't be going to "the Gym" and Mr. Mason said, it's not closed yet so I can still go.

Could this be the exact type of "think" that has grown and developed COVID-19 to the level we're at and climbing so high we're considering using Cruise Ships and Major Hotels as "hospitals" or places for people: 

What I want, what I need, what's best "for me"? Can we not think rationally and realistically without "someone" making rules we have to obey rather than knowing when we should be capable of thinking rationally and realistically about our actions and behaviours effect on others?

Mr. Mason, you're reacting like one of those on the beach. It's something you want to do and since there's no one taking an action to stop you from doing it, what's the harm .... to you.

And, I do understand the financial effect as this is one of several life challenges 

That's the point, Mr. Mason, we're being told "we're all in this together" but the reality is some of "us" are still believing "we" are above and beyond and can do what we chose at least until someone forces us into "complying".

Where have ALL the flowers gone....When will we learn, when will we ever learn -- to quote a popular song from the 60's. Read and listen carefully -- not one type, not one age, ALL. 

Like a "bee", you're moving from flower to flower "polinating" from what's in/on your body and you don't even notice it because you believe IF I DON'T SHOW SIGNS, IF I FEEL ALL RIGHT, there is no problem for you or for anyone else.

COVID-19 is like other types of serious diseases -- mumps, measles, chicken pox and more serious types -- some people can be carriers and not affected. Innoculations are critical and so is using common sense to realize we can't always know when we become infected, how it happened, if we're even a carrier.

Almost all of the people who "survived" the last epidemics that were highly dangerous are no longer with us even though they made it through WWI, WWII, The Great Depression, The Gold Crisis, SARS and so much more. 

They left records, wrote journals, passed down oral history -- take time to read or listen to their stories of depression, oppression and survival through caring for and about others.

Yes, Some listen. Some understand. Some try to educate.

In today's "tech world", where so many voices are raised all at the same time, perhaps it's just gotten too  challenging to sift through the "noise" to get to what's important.

It isn't "all about me", it's "all about we" -- turn that  one letter upside down and it's world changing.

See the reality of everyday and every way you and I are dependent on others, dependent on what they do, dependent on how so many must take jobs others would not consider -- from trash to those who maintain our buildings and our homes and beyond.

They need our recognition. 
Now and in the future we're trying to ensure.

What we forget, Anthony, are lessons we may need to be taught again. 

Why this world event? Why now?   Why Not.

Reach for the Stars, Anthony, reach out and encourage each person to find at least one other person they can add to their "family" of mankind through assisting and encouraging.

Go to your shelves and closets of what you believe you'll need and find a person or family you can help. 

When we sacrifice we understand what those who went before us actually did. 

For some this means finding a resource for this person because -- they don't know anyone; not in their "circle of life".

That's the real challenge, Anthony.

Many of us have circles that are closed and exclusive when we aren't reaching out to find ways and people who really need help -- the overlooked, the overworked and the over challenged -- just to survive another day, week or month.

Giving when we have is easy. 

Giving from what we may need but choose to share is character that has been missing or mislaid for a very long time in many ways by many people.

You have the ear and the eye of the public, Anthony.

Remember they're listening. They're learning. 
And, many will do as you do.

Continuum of Care or Continuum of Income for Owners?

I received one of many requests to contribute to an organization most people over the age of 50 know the "parent" organization, AARP. This is a "separate" entity from AARP and so it has the legal responsibility to file for public review of its annual tax reports to remain a 501C3.

I'm sure you're on many email lists also and see appeals from many sources. 

What do you do? 

If you recognize the name, believe they're "legit" and support their "cause" do you send some money their way?  

Apparently many have because in 2019 they were able to pay their lead person, a salary of well over a million dollars which financially is acceptable and reasonable .  but if all they're doing is "advocating" and not directly providing "in home" services including transportation, food, assistance with tax payments, utilities and other ever increasing and "pushing" all but the very well employed or those with extensive "retirement" funds -- out to "greener pastures" -- meaning living in a "communal" environment...well, you be the judge.

What are they actually doing to directly GIVE to the individuals they "represent"?

Take their latest survey, the "cause" for the email solicitation which asked the question:

How many adults over the age of 65 want to stay in their home as long as they can?

Easy for me; how about you?  90% -- the highest percentage answer --- CORRECT!

Alternative choices now include "upscale" living experiences complete with a $500 to $5000 (or more) "deposit" to hold a place, to "socialize" with others who have made this decision to "climb on board" and live together -- month to month, independent living, no details of anything other than the drawings, advertising and marketing pictures and verbal bravado available.

Come for dinner, pay a fee, join a "club" where membership is only limited by the number of people they can gather together to agree to "join". It wasn't clear if or how much of any "remainder" could be refunded if after one or two "events" someone decided it wasn't what they expected or wanted.

WHY IS IT THESE PEOPLE BELIEVE we Seniors want to be continuously entertained, joined together at the hip with people we barely know, live together in  "community" in a High Rise development and make this our "forever home" for who knows how long?

It's no longer "Long Term Care' -- it's CONTINUUM OF CARE with bells and whistles you have to see to believe. It's "country club living" -- at least on the outside looking in. It's a "closed club" dependent on those with significant savings/income to afford this "special treatment"

TAKE A CLOSE LOOK AT THAT CONTRACT YOU'LL SIGN -- and better have a lawyer on retainer because many have "clauses" allowing financial adjustments or are very "open ended" -- the words are so general they can usually do or take action in almost any way.

.....  and realize you GIVE UP EVERYTHING YOU HAVE because the cost of entry is the major asset, for most people, their home.

Why is it many people, especially those in their 40's an 50's are so determined to "push" those 65 and older into "Special Older Care Facilities"?

Logic and Reasoning Missing With Medical Personnel

Written on November 13 2020; posted June 24, 2023 -- 

Why so long to publish? Honestly I felt like no one was really listening. It's important to raise awareness, share the times spent, including the challenges which were so prevalent.

I realized through all my involvement raising awareness of all Dementias that Lewy Body Dementia needs more professionals to get behind this type of Dementia and share their personal knowledge and experience.

Life has seasons, each more beautiful than the other with some bringing times of unrest and challenges. 

It's Autumn outside and inside today. Trees are almost bare of leaves. 

Just yesterday, figuratively speaking, the bright colors burst forth and cast a colorful glow all around outshining the colorful birds at our feeder and the late Summer flowers still blooming far past their usual time.

Some would say it's the Winter of life when we grow older and begin those years most describe as "downhill all the way" but I believe Winter is closer to the end and I've just started another new beginning.

Gifts in life appear and disappear; some are tangible, others are whisps of air drifting or floating past. 

We decide the road we travel with each day that passes.

Amazing gift this Summer. So needed with COVID-19 wrecking havoc all around.

A positive that began with a strong negative, lots of concern and a little fear.

June 1, 2020. Took a break from being in front of the computer trying to get through another day of uncertainty about life in general and managing to keep trying to understand which of the directions is the "right" one -- at least for now.

ADDENDUM:  It's June 2023. Not quite three years later. I decided to become more active advocating for Seniors and especially those with Dementia and other challenges several years ago. Accomplished some steps forward and plan to continue to find ways to share and work towards better lives for our Seniors.

I've attended many conferences especially those put on by the Ombudsman organization (each State is required to have one by Federal Law but there are still a couple of States that appear not to have followed this directive). 

I've gone to our State Capitol to talk with Legislators about upcoming opportunities to assist our Senior population. 

I'm planning a trip to Pittsburgh in July 2023 for a special conference on aging and changes in how people from many countries are stepping up to acknowledge "Elders" wants and needs, not just what society thinks they should have.

COVID is "over" although there are still updates on "new" shots so doesn't this mean there's still a challenge?

Ironically I did not get it but my Millenial daughter did. However, I think a couple of weeks ago we were once again "visited" by either this challenge or certainly something mimicking COVID. Glad we were both fully up to date on our Inoculations.

After a trip East, made to attend a funeral of a family member, within a day of returning home, I became very dizzy and weak. For the first time in several years, I asked to be taken to a local Urgent Care facility we'd once tried. 

Disappointment in the medical facility. Three "medical people" each tried to convince me to take significant testing inolving MRI's and other equipment.

Know it was because of my age and "risk factor" and my vitals were "up" quite a bit. But the cost, even at this supposedly less expensive medical facility was still in the four figures range and probably five figure if I'd had them all.

However, reason told me this was something I'd "caught" during the participation in the very large funeral and wake with so many "unknown" people -- and we've gone back to "hugging" and "touching". 

Shortening the story -- within 24 hours my Millenial daughter was as sick as I was. It was helpful I was one day ahead because even though I was really, really, sick, I could help her to get what she needed. Apparently some kind of "virus" in Pittsburgh decided to travel back with us.

Although I wasn't "applauding" her challenges, I felt verified for my belief, as someone who has a genetic history of strong, long lived women in my mother and grandmother, it was related to our trip and socializing with people who we didn't know and haven't seen before or for a very long time.

We might believe "it's gone" -- but viruses and COVID have a tendency to continue to "adapt" and "change" and we must consider this as we move forward. 

Doctor finally provided a prescription for a general antibiotic -- but he'd sent the other two "different" staff members in again to either evaluate or try to convince me to take the tests.

Do not suggest YOU make your decisions based on mine. Just recounting how important it is to know your own body.

IT'S THE SAME FOR LEWY BODY DEMENTIA.  The person may have some or all "features" of the medical challenge but there can still be a "part" of them that needs to be heard, to try to understand where they are and what "they" need and "want".

AGEISM is strong in our society. Categorizing someone physically, emotionally or otherwise can be a mistake. 

We need to ask more questions related to the situation and then consider ALL the possibilities whether a professional, or someone without certifications and degrees.

LISTEN. ASK. THINK. People deserve to be treated not by the years they've achieved but by respecting their choices.

Father's Day 2023; Wish You Were Near

I'm always amazed when people, especially men, ask me why I didn't marry again after my husband passed as I wasn't "that old" AND "life goes on".

To be honest, I'd found my life's love at 18 and a freshman in college and although perhaps he wasn't as certain as I was, and it took him four plus years and an ultimatum, to move down the aisle, we were meant to be, bringing two sons and finally a daughter into the world, now grown and two with some very "grown children" of their own. 

We met when I was a Freshman and he a second semester Sophomore. He was four years older, had left college, entered the Air Force and then became a member of the Air Force Reserve. It was a time of conflict in another part of the world. He served in Forward Air Control and continued in Reserve Service even after we married.

We had hardships and celebrations -- typical life together. 

We experienced journeys and challenges, always together and always looking onward and ahead of those times to what could be ahead.

Know not everyone can turn the pages in the book of life and see past the challenges, the downturns, the trying times physically and emotionally, to see creating a life together was a craft, a skillset you work together on to start and . . . to finish.

The "hole" has become the "whole" as it's been more than a decade with many life's challenges and changes -- just as "we'd" experienced before "I" experience as "me" rather than "we".

Learned a lot. Forgot a lot. Set aside and reached for more of some.

Memories of past Father's Days spent with your Dad and other family members -- and your Grandfather who we had with us and we introduced to our first child, his great grandchild -- he left us many years ago and his son, your father, went before you by a decade.

Family gatherings. Laughter. Joy. Sharing and caring. What happened to the real meaning of family where people admitted their mistakes and talked through the challenges and the heartaches caused?

Perhaps the difference was . . .  "we" . . . moving down the road to replace those who went before, felt an obligation towards them, while some of our children feel a need to "replace" rather than add to family structure.

Thunder outside. Rain earlier. Watched the geese on the lake. Told the cat it wasn't a good time to go outside and play, as she so loves, in the fenced garden. 

The tree from the sapling, so slender and short, now towers above us and our arms are not able to join two people around its trunk as we could just a few years ago -- or so it seems.  

Your father cut off a three foot long scrawny limb, put it in water, we watched it start roots, and I marveled at its strength, beauty and tenaciousness as we'd seen the "parent" tree survive one of the worst local tornadoes that came through our metro area a few years before our marriage.

Do I still think of you? Yes, often. 

When there is parting it simply means a part of you changes just as flowers and trees change from season to season, so does love and life.

Our children are grown. 

I feel there are many years ahead for me to share with them and their children even though two of the three are many miles away.

How I wish it were "we" instead of just "me". 

Time seems to move differently yet similarly and that's so strange when I think about it. 

Happy Father's Day and to you are reading this and have people in your life you lovingly call "family", cherish those who are here or there, with you, or far away. 

Memories are place holders in life. 

Create many and set aside those that cause disruption as they have far less value when viewed as yesterday when you're a part of today.

COVID Exiting Stage Left While Making Long Term Care Curtain Calls

Are we there yet?  How much farther do we have to go?  When WILL we be THERE?

Like children, adults have been sitting in the back seat for over a year and a half, not able to see ahead,  not in control of where they're headed or when they'll get there. COVID, Delta, it will be called by many names before we reach our "destination".

We were along for the ride with all the bumps and unexpected turns, the slips and slides, the ever changing surroundings and constant fluctuating heights and deep dips as we continued our journey to a destination always"just a little farther down the road".

Aging and the "perils" ahead can sometimes be seen, prepared for if you're fortunate and unfortunately our society TELLS US "if we just make the right choices, follow the correct directions" we'll build that "great life" and benefit from it until we die. 

It's not always true, applicable or even feasible and there are more chances every day to have your life interrupted and even negatively affected by forces beyond your control.

Few of us do more than look at the growth of the number of Senior Residences as a way of recognizing we're growing older in numbers far larger than the past. 

And, quite frankly, when there were deaths in Long Term Cares over this horrid time, it was "to be expected" and then, when it hit younger and younger and even children, we shook our heads and cried out in concern because -- IT SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING....THERE....

We need knowledge NOW. We need enlightenment NOW. 

Most of all, we NEED TO KNOW to make plans and changes for those faced with living in Long Term Care today and those who will require some form of "supervised" or "contained" living accomodations -- yes, that's the new "Continuum of Care".

"Something wicked this way comes" can seem to be the message of the day because information is unclear, difficult to find and, most of all,  hidden from view intentionally and through practices that are antiquated and harmful to a growing percentage of our population -- those beyond the age of 65.

Even those who "have planned" and "are set" can be hit hard by the unexpected medical, social and/or financial challenges. 

In a heartbeat or over an extended time of uncontrollable life challenges, there are continuing Acts of Life's Play that seem to be never ending and definitely beyond constant or even predetermined control.

Let's lift the curtain a little higher on the Stage of Life:

Let's stop along the road of long enough to realize we need a map (printed or digital) and clear directions along with knowledge of the destination we're moving toward.

It's time to move forward, looking backward, while stopping to examine, become famliar with and work toward change.

No segment of life by color, creed, belief or practice and especially by age should be overlooked and undersupported.

Children are low contributors to society; we look to the future for their "benefits" to be given.

Our older population has spent years contributing often sacrificing for "the next generation/generations", standing in the face of adversity, weathering the storms of life and continuing to move forward -- passing each decade into the unknown.

WHEN AND HOW WILL WE VALUE THOSE WHO HAVE "GONE BEFORE", created the road making us capable of looking and moving ahead while maintaining stability in the worst of times and creating so many "best of times"?

Each of us holds a. key to the future of care and concern for all ages and stages of life. 

It's a lock that needs many consistent attempts and trials by hands of all shapes, sizes and colors.

It's never too early.... seek and find, raise your voice on sites that contribute to positive change and actions for a better world for our aging population. 

Remember.....today you're twenty, tomorrow fifty and with a heartbeat, into your seventies, eighties and beyond. What you do today for others, you're doing for yourself for tomorrow. It's never too early but it can be too late. ACT NOW!

Life Is One Big Test

Just when you think you have the right answer, life shows you what was once right, is no longer, and you now have an even more complicated challenge . . . or does it?

Some have stretched out their hand while riding life's Merry-Go-Round and pulled back a part or even the whole brass or even gold ring living a life others would love to have.

Others ride the endless merry-go-round, holding on tight just to try to make it from the beginning of the ride through the countless and endless circles of the journey.

Many have lived and continue to live with challenges of health and well being from basic needs to growing medical concerns . . . 

and although some have "come to the rescue" donating time and even money, the challenges continue. . . because the basic components of the problem have always been set aside. 

We reason, we rationalize, we set goals and fixate on achievement only to hit a "pause" or "replay" in life to see with different eyes the goals we set, we missed and achieved, have a different value from a different point of view. . 

Too costly, too time consuming, not as important as another "problem" which would receive more support and bring more positive recognition

Some have put others before themselves and outside forces have intervened to disrupt and negate causing more decline and regression.

Some believe "they" know better than we do because "they" had experience with the person making decisions "they" did not like, did not want and felt "deprived" so, of course, this was what was being done again. 

Maturity is not a number of years. It doesn't arrive suddenly with a specific birthday or even an event. Ask anyone who practices a skillset from sports to medicine and they'll tell you it's a constant learning experience and changing all the time.

As with so many other parts of life from the building by colonies of ants to man's reach for the stars . . . there are patterns we create by the choices we make.

Rationalizaton and Reasoning to get through times we want to get past:          

If it's in my life, I'll voice my opinion but I won't really ask questions and get involved.              

I already know everything I want or need to know.....let's just get on with my life and  someone will figure out how to handle, get rid of or even make whatever's the problem --    GO AWAY!

It may be a pattern ...

established from finding in life when you speak up you either get volunteered, pulled in or pushed  out; when you report something you see that is harming another or others, you find yourself embroiled in the "system" that takes you through a wringer and pushes you out in a  form that you don't recognize.

There are a myriad of reasons, ways to explain and even excuse our words and our actions.

Test Taking is a learned skill.

LIfe Test Taking is a learning skill.

What one life inequity or problem can you start today to move to being resolved through your personal action to bring to light, show to others and make the world just a little better because you were a part of it....

TIME'S UP.  As it eventually is for all of us. When you put down your life's pen, what will you have written. Will it be lengthy or short? 

Will you have made a positive difference? 

Each in their own way can make a better world with consideration for all with whom we share this finite location of ultimately limited space and time.

Dementia: How Do We Know Thee....Let Me Count The Ways...

Ideas and relationships of actions come to me at the oddest times and in the strangest ways. Today it was seeing an announcement of Robin Williams and his journey through Lewy Body Dementia.

We went on the Lewy Journey...it was longer than we realized, not just recognizing the disease but living with it far in advance of realizing IT was a part of Mom's life and ours. 

We lived together every day for almost forty years and did not see it; took Mom to Dr's for various reasons and NO ONE saw it.

Lewy Body Dementia is an amazing chameleon like affliction. Thought about writing "disease" but we think of a disease as something we "catch". 

Reading a book, thinking about a family member, seeing pictures of an event.....each can cause thoughts about what could seem to be unrelated but spring into mind showing a direct connection with one another.

A few minutes ago I was thinking about my cousin who has early onset Dementia; not been told what form but another relative thinks it's Alzheimers. 

From spending time with her, I see and hear more memory "adjustment" than we experienced with Mom and her Lewy Body Dementia.

But then, MY brain asks, are we so sure we understand and can accurately categorize this "experience" of Dementia or will we look back on these times and those that went before as the "dark ages" of Dementia.

What came to mind was a photograph record...it's round....it brings music and words from the disc to our ears via a phonograph....Thomas Alva Edison...

We don't think about the person who went before Edison and who invented a "phonograph" that made a recording of sound waves on a glass plate but was unable to play back the sounds; he patented it on March 25 1857.

It took two specific pieces to create the ability to take what was "on" one piece to make it "come off" another yet still remain "embedded" in the original.

EUREKA! My mind said. I thought about my last visit with my cousin. We picked her up from her fairly new "home", an Assisted Living with Memory Care and took her to a party for one of her two daughters.

TRIGGERS.  Our mind receives (if all are working correctly) visual, audio, tactile and smell inputs and often finds relationships between these "senses" to what's occurring currently or has occurred in the past.

For my cousin with Dementia, the "recording" is playing and the "triggers" of sense interplay are working but the "timing" or where in time and space she is at the moment are not registering accurately.

To someone I would tell about our "experience", unless they had the same knowledge of Dementia as I do, they would simply see more evidence of my cousin's "Dementia" and how she was "really losing it".

What happened? Several times my cousin mentioned a Cousin we'd both spent significant amounts of time with when we were much younger. Joyce had an aneurysm at a very young age and passed suddenly in her sleep. 

To Karen, who was "here" and "now" physically and receiving stimulus by actions and activities, her brain was doing what would have been "normal" had it not been for Joyce's no longer being alive.

Karen made statements and asked questions and I believe somewhere deep inside her memories is the memory of Joyce having passed through this life but it wasn't "accessible" and she didn't have the ability to get to the information.

DEMENTIA IS A DISABILITY.  It limits but does not always remove capability and certainly not in all areas at the same time or at the same level.

DEMENTIA has been referred to as a "thief" but I've come to know it as an affliction of many types and varying levels that are not always consistent or visible.

TRIGGERS.  For Karen it was the two of us "cousins" being together and going to a family celebration.

Joyce would have been there if she could; we'd shared many memories together and to Karen we were the "slightly" older cousins who were "at that age" so envied by the ones who are five or more years younger. And Karen had actually spent more time in life with Joyce in our "grown up" life while my relationship with her was more from youth through early teens.

When you see all the pieces of the puzzle of Dementia and know where each part goes in a specific scenario you can relate to the person's challenge which is simply like having a short in a wiring system or a misconnect in time and place. 

So when we walked out the door and she asked where we were going and I told her we were taking her to her daughter's birthday party, Karen said she hoped Joyce would be there. 

Getting settled in the car, Karen said it had been a long time since she'd seen Joyce.

My interaction with friends, relatives and acquaintances with thought processing challenges has taught me to listen, not to correct, not to move forward into questioning or denial of what is said.

Karen asked if I thought Joyce might be coming to the party. She wondered when she would see her again if she wasn't. 

Karen smiled, she laughed and I could see her thoughts were of positive and enjoyable times. 

What difference did it make if she was "factual" and "accurate" and TOLD how things "really were"? None. 

There was no need to put a tailspin into her life and possibly affect the "NEW" experiences and possible memories, albeit for how long and in what way we could not say.

Instead I said I hadn't see Joyce in a very long time and I missed her, too.  

When Karen made this subject into a conversation, I simply took her "lead" without turning a sharp corner into areas where she could not go or would or could upset her because she could "experience" the pain we felt when we learned of Joyce's early and unexpected death.

Yes, the brain stores those hard, harsh and challenging memories along with the joys and celebrations and great events we go through.

Like that record and the phonograph, one without the other serves no real purpose, put them together and you have an "experience" and even, possibly, the recurrence of old memories or the making of new.

It's not lying to a person nor is is supporting "fabrications" or "untruths" as their journey is alongside us but there's a separation we cannot remove . . . or sometimes adjust . . . the covering or the level of light or darkness.

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REVISITING COVID-19 RELEARN MEDICAL FAILURES Teach Your Children Well As They Will Inherit THIS Earth

What's happened in your neighborhood with COVID-19 since January 2020?

Two yards away a past Sunday evening I heard a conversation where a woman, a mother, spoke very negatively about the  practice of another Mom who decided to "allow" a visit by Mom's daughter to their home but only with "restrictions". 

Mom was "insulted" personally and "for her daughter"  -- as she stated -- because the visited family followed rules of Social Distancing and would NOT allow "HER" daughter to "go inside their house, get a drink, go to the bathroom or even play games inside the house" -- when they had this amazing gameroom her daughter "loved to use".

This was just days after our businesses began reopening and people started to "gather" again -- often pushing the limit of common sense which we would see reflected in the upsurge and heightened concern for an even greater loss of life, more hospitalizations and challenges to people below the "norm" poorly interpreted and gathered statistics were providing.

NOTE:  We are now in another upswing with our County recording record high deaths and validated COVID individual infections.

Late at night, kids in tow and these "adults" are encouraging one another and following the lead of one in particular-- who  did  not have children with him -- to GET DRUNK? 

Adults who are LIfetime Teenagers? 

And . . . they criticize other ages believing they "know better" and "do better" than those who went before them? 

Each age group has within it many different types of people; we keep hoping those who "push the limits" will drop in numbers....as did our parents and grandparents.

If they drove, who would drive and what "example" were they setting for their children who would be driving in a few years?

The couple and another person were visiting, friends about to move to another house and possibly helping to get the home ready to "show" as one stated he  was bringing a couple he "wanted to see it and wanted THEM to buy it" -- vocalizing how he "selects" who he wants to buy based on what "he' thinks is "best".

Did we just step back to the 1950's/1960's?

What year is this?  Which generation is that? 

Decades pass, however, behaviors never seem to change . . .  for some.

LIFE AS USUAL is what the MOM felt was her RIGHT and her daughter's. 

THIS is what she's teaching, This is what she's modeling:  

MY RIGHTS are more important than someone else's. 

YOUR RIGHTS ... matter only if I choose to recognize them or "honor" them.

LIFE IS ABOUT CHANGE. Life is not moving from one time to another without negatives along with positives.

In fact, when we "move along" only looking towards the "future BIG events" we often lose sight of the day-to-day SIGNIFICANT CHALLENGES THAT CONTINUE, DEVELOP AND GROW.

PEOPLE ARE ASKING . . .

Why we haven't resolved the issues we're seeing

SIMPLE.  We needed to see more clearly and more people had to see the same thing at the same time.

CHANGE IS NOT BROUGHT ABOUT BY THE GOOD TIMES -- IT'S A RESULT OF THE CHALLENGES THAT ARE RECOGNIZED BY ENOUGH NUMBERS OF PEOPLE

NOT ME, NOT MINE . . . It won't happen here....it won't touch "me" or "mine"

-- we're not in the "statistics" of those "getting it" 

-- we don't live in the area where it's most active" or 'It's overblown" or "a conspiracy".

-- lots of people are "getting it" and "get over it"

--...worst case you go to the Doctor, ER or into the hospital where they can take care of those who do get sick and those who die???

well, just was meant to be.... or they did something to bring it on....or.....

SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL, SPEAK ... how?

COVID-19 is the biggest and the worst "evil" (even with the wars and other world events) all but a very small part of the population has seen in their lifetime 

How long did it take for the Gen X parents to decide "they" could play with friends -- maybe at a distance but "depriving them" of "socialization" was not in their or the parent's best interests?  But they're not the only ones, parents of elementary school children who see the stats and believe that age group "can't" or "won't" get the "bug" are making play dates.

COVID-19 NEEDS CARRIERS AS WELL AS DISTRIBUTORS and some carriers, for whatever reason we have no current knowledge of, may not show signs of the disease yet provide through their connection with others, transmittal or being a "host" -- believe we will discover this at some future time.

Let's face it -- schools are the natural "dropping point" for at least six to eight hours of adult time -- to work, to exercise, attend meetings, pursue interests or run errands.

When Kindergarten was added to the list of "free" education and then extended through High School -- "we" (women) were given more time and more choices as society became less "home" labor intensive and moving up the ladder meant hiring others or carpooling to "lessen" the "challenges" of keeping the kids "occupied".

THEN CAME SUMMER .... of course it comes every year but parents who "interweave" activities and interests within the school year or can't because of the time or cost or transportation or other reasons could now PLAN TO SEND THEIR KIDS TO CAMP, TO SUMMER SCHOOL OR SUMMER SPORTS  or just to someone else's house to "play" or "be entertained".

Some families, those of better "means" employed services after school or carpooled (that's a word we'll not use for some time) with other families.

Open your eyes and your hearts. Look beyond your "self". And, pray you're not one of those who loses a family member or friend, a child, a teen, adult, young parent, father, mother, grandparent.

WE ARE THE WORLD FOR and WITH ONE ANOTHER.

What are you teaching your children through this time of reflection, relearning and remembering?

Another song whose lyrics we should take to heart ---

"I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way"

Watching the neighborhood children a week ago riding bikes and walking together in groups I wondered where their parents were -- they were sitting in their backyard visiting with guests.

As the tree bends --- is the old saying.

Yes, it's difficult NOT TO HAVE what we want, what we desire, what we're "used to".--

It's called "doing without" and many live this way 24/7....

Surely we can give so that other's live... not get so sick or even die?

We give blood to save lives -- how about giving others the breath of life???

Unsung Heroes On Memorial Day

My Mom was one of those women on the silent front line during WWII in her personal and working life.

Unmarried and needing to support herself, help raise many siblings and giving of her time to anyone who needed help, she was a role model I admire today six years past her passing in 2014, into her 100th year.

WOMEN.  We're beginning to see more women in the forefront of life leading and following -- setting the pace and keeping it moving.  They've always been there; we just didn't acknowledge how critical their service was on the homefront.

She worked at Carter Carburetor, one of the main suppliers that kept the mechanics of war moving, the advancement of our troops into areas to liberate and free those who had been and were continuing to be starved, relocated and killed all in the name of power and control.

Mom was one of that generation's Silent Majority (see the 1960's for more reference to this term) and she sought no recognition, no reward other than to know she was there when she was needed.

Today, I saw on a Sunday program how a past trumpeter and a news specialist are asking anyone who plays the bugle and knows how to play Taps to play at 3 PM tomorrow, Memorial Day.

Yesterday my daughter and I went to Mom's gravesite. She's buried where she chose, in a small rural cemetery along with many of her family members, some from long ago generations -- cousins, friends, many like her who lived, loved and laughed and gave of their time and work and some their lives for others.

We brought peonies and iris from our home -- flowers given to us as small plants many years ago from Mom's oldest sister-- Mom loved to see them bloom each Spring. 

We saw many US Flags placed on graves including my Uncles'. 

I shared, as Mom taught me, placing one flower on each of the graves, acknowledging the women who stood beside these men. 

They were heros carrying on with life and managing households, families and even advancing pregnancies facing unknowns, uncertainties and, like today, not knowing what was happening and most importantly when it would end and how it would end.

I remembered one of Mom's last requests -- to have taps played.  We were told it was "only played" for Veterans.

Mom didn't wear a military uniform but every day from almost dawn to dusk she worked assembling machinery for the front line and formed a part of the supply chain ensuring those who did were supported in ways to move towards Peace and stopping the spread of hatred and abuse.

Isn't Peace and prosperity for all what we strive to create and isn't that a world centered and reason why so many braved the trip across the waters and still today struggle to gain entry into this nation formed as one from many?

Someone in our family did go to play taps for Mom after we left her with those she chose to be with for eternity. I am proud of what he did and proud that Mom, who was as vital to Freedom as those who could go into the direct action, was honored for her choice to serve, how she could, where and when she saw there was a need.

TAPS.  A greeting of farewell. Acknowledgement of sundown that follows the struggles of the day and the courage to face what it brought -- believing in tomorrow.

HONOR. TRIBUTE. COURAGE. Wearing the daily uniforms of life of the times to be recognized and honored for what they did and what they could do for one and for all.

More Than 5,500 Pandemic Deaths Stimulate Investigations Long Term Care -- HALLELUJAH!

Eight years of writing this blog.  

I tried to start a movement but too many were "too busy" with their "lives" to do more than read.

A Pandemic occurs. Long Term Care Deaths at 5,500 -- that's the number we've been told.

It will rise. We still have far too many States that have not "opened wide the doors" to turn these facilities into the medical residences they are supposed to be.

Do Not Turn Away....Do Not Walk Away...Move Into


The Killing Fields I called it and many still turned aside.

Somewhere, somehow, I can only hope, someone took notice and a "movement" began to Keep Our Seniors Safe in Long Term Care.

Many US Citizens family members die today and have died since January 2020 as victims of the system that gives "closed societies", as Long Term Care is, the right to hide from prospective residents, residents, families and friends and the general public adherence to standards of caregiving that would not be tolerated in Hospitals or Child Care Facilities.

Law Revisions. Law additions. 

Accountability.   Open Records. More Transparency.

Reports can be made without disclosing personal information; there are thousands of reports each day given on line, to the governments and to we, the people, that include statistics from which we make choices and decisions.

Long Term Care is not among these.

Long Term Care is a medical level of caregiving.

Who Will Stand Up For Our Seniors? 

Who Will Change Laws and Enforce Them?