LBD Social Signs

"Hindsight is better than foresight" is never more true than for caregiver's, family, friends of loved ones with Dementia.

Current studies cite the appearance of specific behaviours as being the "keys" to diagnosing Dementia.

Many forms cannot be specifically cited or identified until there's a post mortem examination of the brain.

It doesn't matter if someone has Alzheimer's, Lewy Body, Frontal Temporal or others, they have Dementia.

We need to recognize Dementia as the next big life challenge.

It's fatal, physically and emotionally draining.

It's destructive and stops life as we know it,

General articles and reports often become focused on the decline of mental processing citing bodily functions including standing, walking, incontinence as type or stage of the disease.

Are these really effective measures of Dementia's progression? 

Are we simply focusing on those areas we consider "more important" and use to determine the "level" of the progression and level of caregiving?

When are we going to recognize Dementia, especially Lewy Body Dementia, doesn't appear like Cancer often does with a lump you can feel or Heart Disease with a stroke? 

Lewy Body Dementia often masquarades.  As I wrote in the blog entry: Masks: Ever Changing Faces of Lewy Body Dementia , LBD is not always visible. 

People with LBD, in the beginning stages, seem to be capable of adjusting their minds, are "socially conscious", even far into progression of the disease.

They may laugh about "what they've just said", mix and match information that seems to go together to the "untrained" and "unfamiliar with the subject" ear and eye. 

Another observation I've had with Mom is how vacillating Lewy Body Dementia really is; behaviors were so unpredictable. 

It amazed me how caregivers at Mom's facility and especially the floor nurse, an LPN, believed we could affect her behavior or we could change it or Mom could choose to change it.

Unfortunately, these are all false beliefs about a real, medical condition that like Diabetes, Heart Disease or Cancer, cannot be controlled or adjusted through "willpower" or "determination".

The other night at a presentation, the message was conveyed by a gentleman about his wife and how she could somehow, if she just tried, control or affect actions like sitting up in her chair. 

It was HIS wants and needs for her to be who she's always been, not who she was becoming.

After a long period of time and a good day, when for some reason her brain neural pathways had shifted, changed or somehow let a message "slip through", my Mom might make that movement or give that response.

We, too, desperately wanted Mom to be the person we knew, we lived with, to be there, to have the ability to "return" to the person we felt comfortable around and with.

Like a trained animal, we reward the Advanced Dementia patient who shows us they "can" do something, hear something correctly, respond correctly, with a smile, words of encouragement and even with statements like "I knew you could do it if you tried hard enough".  

How grateful I am now realizing that with enough advancement of the Dementia this level of self satisfaction on the part of the visitor, the family member, may not truly register with the person struggling with Dementia.

Then, there is the other belief, and one popular today, about "the right medicine" controlling and eliminating "the disease".

You see, we're far more accepting of something we "catch" changing someone's life than we are when there is a "loss" of what is perceived to be the "self' of the individual which many believe should be able to be "personally controlled".

It may be more like eradicating Cancer. 

Controlled to some degree, possibly, perhaps, but the ability to eradicate may be more challenging or accomplished with some form of discovery that shifts development and progression.

We may find the causes of some Dementias and be able to change behaviors (smoking) or where you live (not close to where chemicals have been dumped) and therefore not get a specific Dementia (Cancer).

Unless someone determines there is one specific cause for Cancer -- possibly a genetic tendency or even lack of certain configurations/compositions -- Dementia, like Cancer, in my opinion, will be with us for many years to come.

Dementia may be seen as being prevalent in the very elderly but each passing day we're discovering, as we grow from an infant to a toddler, through adolescence and into adulthood, the vast frontier of the brain and how it is the center of the individual human universe remains an ongoing challenge.

Just recently, some have started  classifying other brain diseases, Muscular Dystrophy and Parkinson's for example, into the area of Dementias. They affect the brain and that is where Dementia works so the theory is they're related  or even one and the same.

Let's have a movement within society to be as health wary about Dementia as we are about Cancer and heart disease that affect human relationships and lifestyles.

Let's open the discussion, bring into the light, show the world we see, hear and most of all support those who are challenged with and from Dementia including the individuals and their care givers whether family or other.

YOU have the power to facilitate a change. 

Start a conversation. Volunteer to visit LTC's.

YOU hold the future in your hands.

It's your future or at least the future of someone you love.

Line of Descent

Life is life and death is death.                                                                                             Until the time when East meets West.

Extend your arms, reach out your hands,                                                                           Close your eyes & take a stand.

There they are, each one you knew,                                                                             Now gone as others and so will you.   

Parents left, then brothers, too.                                                                                       Sisters lingered as though they knew                                                                         When they walked on, so would you.

A line was formed and except for War                                                                         Each one came "home" to lay beside                                                                                 A wife, a child, in their own space.

You came and went leaving flowers for all,                                                           Knowing the day would come                                                                                     When you answered the call.

We wait for you to come and stay                                                                                   While now you turn and walk away.                                                                                   We too had hopes and plans like you.  

Some were done and some remain                                                                                 Others we took into this grave.                                                                                           It's up to you to carry on.                                                                        

To Move Is To Live

They sit in wheelchairs waiting. Some given privileges of chairs.

Forbidden to walk because they might fall. Too few caregivers.

Sometimes a smile from a passer by. Sometimes a glance of curiosity.

Dogs and cats greeted better than older human beings in facilities.

If life could only be like a story on a streaming service. . .

Where each of us who have abilities and choices change places . . . 

With family members in "Institutions". Would we then see?

Those who did not have or somehow lost the ways and means . . . 

Go through the doors of government subsidized Elder Care

Interesting they use the name "Elder" 

A title in many Communities given out of respect and honor

Are you so sure it's "as promised"? 

Have you really gone behind those "closed doors".

Do you see what you want to see because you need it to be?

I understand. I walked that walk. Everyday I had to work.

So hard to know we could not take Mom home.

She lived with us for over forty years into her 100th year.

We didn't want her "institutionalized".

We were finally able to move her but no money for private care.

Both of us had to work to survive.

We tried another facility and then another and another. 

LTC with government support was worse than kennels for animals.

Tears come to my eyes even today knowing what was done to us by the Church Lady is being done by others in a high tech world.

Predators are all around us as we move towards 2025

I found another attacking one of my Cousins.  

They are a devious group of humans, focused on self gain.

             

Do not go blindly, open your eyes wide.                                                                         When it's your time you'll see far too clearly.                                     

Society won't support you.  Your value is gone.                                 

Values are for what can be achieved and how fast.

Ability and possibility.

A commodity worth only what the market values.

Aging isn't what they tell you it is

When you're young and anxious to grow older.

When you arrive, it's not the destination you thought

No turning back, you can't even run away.

You'll stand up tall, hoping to look strong

Or bend over with the weight.

 

Looking into a darkness

Seeking to find the light

Making do, moving on, waiting for someone, anyone

And you, young one, see this as best for ME.

You who complain on ships about the food 

Waiting too long for anything, not enough space

Change places with me and see for yourself

Closed doors change points of view

Signed in, locked up, waiting for the light

A few privileged have it better, or so I'm told

I travel to meetings, conventions and find

What's practiced that's humane is few and far between

I will keep looking and writing seeing words are the way

To ensure those growing older will see better days.

Gaining Peace of Mind

This Blog has travelled to many parts of the world.

Many speak different languages but all with a "common interest" -- CareGiving For A Loved One.

I've varied  writings about the time spent with Mom, the challenges of her unrecognized Dementia, the problems we encountered and were unable to resolve.

Knowing the challenge of unrecognized Dementia, of verbal abuse and manipulative control of the weakest among us who often were some of the most strong -- 

Taking advantage, getting "high" on manipulation and control of the weakest, wrecking havoc through  tearing families apart.

Julia appeared to "have it all" -- a beautiful home, active in the Community and in Church, volunteering to bring to those least able to attend an offering, a Communion, seeming to care when actually looking for their weaknesses to prey upon.

Learning shared brings peace of mind.

Reaching out I hope others will share their experiences.

Gimme

What’s with this surging need?                                                                                 Demands the old hand over, recede.

I can stand or lean any way I choose.

At my age, not much to lose.

I sit and type and wonder why

The words come flying out of “the sky”.

Have they been hiding all along

If so I’ll use them as My Song.

Am I poised to live and learn

Will I continue to actively earn?

So many questions, far less time

Will I burn or will I shine?

Does it matter any way 

If I choose to have my say?

Like bursts of light.

Words join as if in flight.

 

Like Geese in the air

They join and create.

They fly away

To live another day.

Winter is harsh

It hides their food.

We humans see.

We’re not fools.

Each finds their own tools.

To survive and to wait. 

Knowing there is an expiration date.

While we can, we do.

When we can’t, we won’t.

Today I have the choice.

Today I raise my voice.

Megaphones can screech

Across the electronic page

Telling me I’m worthless

Just because of “age.

Then why, tell me please,

Do you want to incur

More candles each year

To blow out in a blur?

You can’t wait to age 

You see it as a “perk”

Let me tell you, my “friend” 

That’s acting like a “jerk”

Value what you have

Embrace where you are

Soon you’ll hear the shouts

Causing you to doubt

Others have been born

They demand a place

Wanting to take yours

It’s going to be your fate.

It’s a life story

Filled with doubt and worry

Stand up, speak out

It’s never too late

Spread love

Not hate

Strange how survival is seen as distress

It causes concerns and such a mess!

From what we achieved

And refuse to “secede”.

Money, Money, Money

To have and to hold, til death do us part . . .   

Planning and celebration followed by change and fears

I think therefore I am, only as long as I can 

My everyday life and living.

The road we walk, from here to there                                                                       

Winds, climbs, turns and drops

In control, at the helm, able to steer, able to halt. 

Decisions I make point to the direction I take.

Would it were so easy as years flying by

So many aims for pie in the sky.

We're told we can make it if we just try.                           

Decades added swiftly now.                                                                                                     

Time stands to fall around One and All.

I stopped expecting he would change

Like my Dad, he focuses on self.

Hurting those who gave and loved so long

Can't change a cat's stripes, the saying goes.

Ah, well, perhaps one of his five

Will someday see what's made them blind.

False, misleading, self centered lives

How sad the parent's focus, how sad their plans.

Can't change what he refuses to see. 

The harm they do isn't to "me".

It's self inflicted and self imposed

Some day he will lighten the load.

Until that time I see and I know . . . 

What waits ahead is pre-chosen

He can't serve two masters

Freedom did not change or end with me.

Sad he's not able to say:

"Let's stop this unneeded separation . . .

My behavior was wrong, I made many mistakes . . . 

I jumped to conclusions and put my "self" above all. . . 

That self centered focus is what causes a fall. . . 

Someday, my son, we'll meet again

You will be able to speak freely, will see far clearer

It could be sooner, if you so choose

We all have a very large amount to lose

Even farther as the road lengthens

As generations come and go.

It's your choice, as always, 

We do not sit and wait

Our lives filled with giving, not hate.

 Sad you've not seen the light 

The darkness called and you went.

Perhaps you'll wake up someday and see

You left the best behind when you hit the tree.

Get A Real Life!

Written Jan 23, 2017.

Husband, five, and Mom, three years, have passed. 

Seems like yesterday. 

I've moved forward -- my way.

My Husband. 

My Mother. 

Start to live again, I'm told. 

You "deserve" a life.

My life has been. . .Continues to be. . . Service to others.

Do we tell someone who's lost a loved one to Cancer to stop speaking out? 

How about saying to someone who has MS there's no longer need to walk for MS, talk about the "disease" or any other?

It's over now, get on with your own life.
You can't do anything different. 

What happened, happened.

I am

The voice of those overwhelmed

The hands of those trying to balance life

The voice of those who have passed, 

If I am silent, 

Their passing would be in vain 

Others could suffer the same mistreatment. 

Relationships and families tearing apart.

Tomorrow's capabilities through today's revelations.

If only I had known ...

If only someone would have... 

I raise my voice

Listen, Reach Out, Walk alongside

My Journey Continues

People seem to not want to talk about Dementia. 

They're willing to talk about Alzheimer's, the Association for the disease has made this one part of Dementia more "palatable" and more "acceptable" because the name doesn't detail as directly the fact the disease is MENTAL.

MENTAL CHALLENGES ARE STILL VERY FORBIDDEN AREAS OF DISCUSSION.

My husband also had mental processing challenges due to the administration of several drugs.  

DEMENTIA LIKE BEHAVIOURS AREN'T LIMITED TO AN AGE.

Down's Syndrome. Multiple Sclerosis. Concussion. Brain Damage due to accident or birth related affect lives, Medications

Mental Health is often thought of as either being a grave illness, a birth defect or an accident of life. 

Mental Health management to most medical practitioners means use of drugs to alter or control.

I seek to find other ways to see, understand and find ways to caregive for and with loved ones.

Visiting our friend in Mom's previous "home", her Long Term Care, I overheard a woman who was leaving the facility talking about her husband.

She said how "good" he was when she arrived. 

Then, she said, he ate and his "behaviour" became difficult. 

She said "THEY" were going to have to do something.

Give him something to change the way he was.

DRUGS. GIVE HIM MORE DRUGS. 

Alter his behaviour to reflect what "she" felt comfortable with. 

He was expressing feeling, need or concern. 

It was not in a way "she" found acceptable. 

A wife like many medical professionals. 

Seeing what's on the surface not looking for the cause.
The husband could have a reaction to meds he's being given.
The husband could have unfulfilled needs.

He might have had a bladder or bowel release and was uncomfortable but his declining mind could only interpret it through anger, hostility or negative action.

TODAY'S COMMON REACTION TO CHILDREN AND THE ELDERLY IS to drug them. It's not new, practiced for decades.

Make them docile. End the behaviour through the simple swallowing of a compound that may be an underlying cause of the behaviour.

Delaying, not resolving, never recognizing it's not control the person is displaying, it's the inability to affect possibly physically and/or mentally.

How many drugs have we found once thought to cure or solve a problem cause severe reactions, complications  worse than the problem, or even DEATH.

Remember Thalidomide?  Look it up. Use the Internet to learn from respected, non partisan sources to grow knowledge and find ways to support positive actions.

We don't consider "aging" to move from being an infant through to an adult, but it is.

We don't consider "aging" as a negative and something to want to turn away from or fear until we start to listen to the voices chanting the mantra of AGEISM.

Listen carefully to what is said around you, to the voices crying out and the whispers that surround -- see the change, the rotation, the movement from those who "have been" to those who "are becoming".

Watch and listen closely. 

Open your eyes, your mind and your heart.
Look beneath, beyond and read between the lines. 

We do not age as one.

We age as a society.

We grow older with one another -- if we are wise, that is.

Women Of Great Strengths

Strong Women  

Every day I see them. 

Do you see them?

The Caregivers, Workers, Leaders, Women With Purpose

Some stand out while others move mountains unnoticed.

Gladys Burrill ran a Marathon, at Age 92

Burrill earned the Guinness Book of World Records as the oldest female to complete a marathon. 

At age 92, she finished the race, which took place in Honolulu

in nine hours, 53 minutes 16 seconds.

 

Diana Nyad Swam from Cuba to Florida at age of 64

In 2013, on her fifth attempt at age 64, Diana Nyad 

was the first person confirmed to swim from Cuba to Florida without the aid of a shark cage. 

The journey was 110 miles long and took her 53 hours straight.*

 

My Mother’s Mother birthed 11 children with all six boys serving their Country during WWII and grandsons volunteering for Korea and Vietnam. 

She chopped down a tree in her yard with a trunk that was 8 to 10 inches wide at the age of 87 because none of her six sons could find time. 

My Mom, walked miles for school and for Church. 

She was a caregiver for her siblings and did work at home until joining her older sister at the age of 13 doing housework for those "more fortunate in life" to send money home for the "younger ones" and then taking in the youngest girl and giving her a High School education.

In her early forties, to prepare to leave an abusive husband, my father, she studied Chemistry and Human Anatomy to pass tests to become a Beautician, now called a "Stylist'.

In her mid fifties, she fell and broke her wrist, had to close her beloved business and joined our family with one son, a few months old; our family would grow to another son and daughter.

From the time she was 65 into her 90’s, we encouraged her and she traveled the world, walked the Great Wall of China, was in Germany a week before the Wall Came Down, in Tien Mien Square two weeks before the demonstrations. 

In her mid 80's, she took our pre-teen daughter on a Nile River Cruise visiting the Pyramids and walking significant distances to share her love of other cultures and places. 

We started a Multi-Gen family lasting over forty years.

 

Genetics, the right food and keeping active physically and mentally along with the financial means and interest can take us far beyond what we think we can do.

If they can, I can, You Can -- with a little physical and mental "luck of the genetic draw", focus and determination.

 

*https://www.careline.co.uk/success-top-10-late-bloomers/

Beginning The End

I saw it happening. Didn't want to believe it. 

Shared with family. Can face when not facing Mom.  

Her passage into the final stage of Lewy Body Dementia--like other stages -- slow at first, highlighted by major changes, not always visible, often seeming to reverse. 

We're not certain how far into this stage she's travelled.

As we see the "new stage" we wonder when it began. 

I think we're seeing it when we're really into it because the changes are more noticeable and seem to be more prevalent.

How far along are we on this journey with Mom?  

Are we really slipping into the final final stages?  

SNC Nurse Manager called and said she thought Mom was ready for Hospice. 

I haven't cried for a long time.

Not  since my husband's death have I really sat down, tears flowing without any ability to stop them. 

I started to cry, I was at work, 

I hid the tears until I could be alone.

We were unable to visit for two days. 

When we arrived, Mom was slumped over.

She was  almost falling out of her wheelchair. 

I'd seen other residents this way. 

She couldn't communicate. 

Just two days had passed.

Mom wasn't communicating as much; she was talking before. She was eating or could be encouraged to eat.

She held and was able to finish, both pieces of an egg salad sandwich.

Now she looks as though she's lost at least twenty pounds.

Why didn't I see this extensive weight loss? 

Was it because her clothes are the size they are?

 

Some blame goes to the Nurse Manager.

She said Mom was holding at the same weight as always.

Just a few weeks ago.

Truth or fiction. We relied on whatever we were told.

Could Mom have lost that much weight without our seeing it happen? 

Yes, we'd both been busy.

I now had a full time job.

My daughter had a very busy part time job.

We weren't stopping by every day. 

She was eating we were told

She ate well even when we weren't there to feed her.

False, misleading, deceptive; not reality.

Meant to "pacify" members of "the family".

They "could" feed her?  It was obvious they were short staffed.

If loved ones weren't there, a "resident" was often "on their own.

Mom and others could be seen using their fingers.

Not able to use a fork or spoon.

From potatoes and gravy to veggies like corn or peas -- driven by the need to eat.

Tears come to my eyes even years later when I'm re-reading and feel so guilty, like I abandoned my Mom, even if I was working two jobs, trying to survive, desperately believing we would be together, the three women in the family -- again. 

Hospice. It's such a final step. No matter what they tell you about people going "off" Hospice.

At Mom's age, this is most probably not going to happen. 

I don't like the limitations. 

If we accept Hospice we can't take her or send her to the hospital for an infection.

Mom and so many others have had UTI's.

I see UTI's as not something that has to be a part of growing older and incontinence. Am I being realistic?

If those who are responsible for her care checked her more frequently and didn't let her sit in her excrement or urine, I don't think UTI's would be so frequent.

I see how short staffed they are; I hear the men and women beg for someone to take care of their needs. 

I hear an LPN tell someone to "be quiet" and "I'll get to you".

Twenty minutes later she's still distributing medications and no one has helped the person who called out.

If Mom's Caregivers at the SNC watched her as closely as we did, they'd see the changes, catch the eye and other infections. 

Most of all, they'd monitor her illnesses/infections as a medical facility, which in Missouri a Skilled Nursing Center is, alert the Dr in charge the medication did not work.

We can't not try to help her. 

Mom's wishes have always been to seek medical help for infections. 

We'll make the decision and take her to the hospital -- even though she'd just been about ten days ago.

I'm walking the road with Mom and I'm not that far behind where she's travelled even though Mom had me later in life. 

I'm afraid for her. I'm afraid for me. I'm afraid for you.

Changing Generations

Just Yesterday, High School and College Graduations, Speeches and Awards, Dreams and Desires.

Where will they be ten years from now?                                                       Graduates believing they can define their lives and segment?

Filling spaces others left or moved on. Wiser? Encouraged? Disillusioned?

The AI Clock has been ticking and taking.

How adaptable are these "graduates" with some experience?

Still pursuing "more" education, certifications, internships.

Perhaps a few years of experience, finding their skillsets once cutting edge are bordering on obsolescence?

Keeping Up With The AI "Joneses" will be far more challenging than keeping up with the humans.

How many burned out? How many just gave up?

Trying to use what's now obsolete education and training that used to be a building block but now is simply a series of platforms leading to a place where jumping off occurs.

(History repeats itself when AI went from a dream to prototypes to every school, library, business and almost all homes.)

ADAPTATION NEVER ENDS.

Boomers were stuck in a continual need to change to increase income, to move to gain better possibilities and to realize acquiring and adding from household items to children, was a major decision more complex than additional costs.

Today, seen by many as "affluent" who were actually only moving into a slightly higher socio economic class when they moved from an apartment to their first small home, added family members and possibly moved again with a slight upgrade. 

Then, for some, the "biggie" -- buying that "forever home".

IT'S THE ONE THEIR SECOND GENERATION REPLACEMENTS ENVY AND WANT "TURNED OVER".

This "Generation" is often the same ones whose parents pushed their parents -- The Boomers -- for "family vacations" where the "well funded and invested" Grandparents footed the bill for them and their parents.

Now, they have been entitled for decades, got an education, went into the job market, decided they could get a "hustle" and made some good money -- for a while. 

Whoops! Not really a business person. The shining light of so much coming in overshadowed the glare of what lay in the shadows of "reality" business organization and development.

GEN X. What a name for a group of humans!

Is that "X" marks the spot where we fell asleep at the wheel of life and so many passed us we could barely catch up let alone get ahead?

At least previous Generational Titles were a little more creative!

That's the challenge, really; change takes decades but what it does is often bypass some generations, setting aside others.

Grief Wears Many Faces

Grief wears many faces -- the everyday, the horrific loss, the time past and the faces presented to the world in each human encounter experienced today, tomorrow, everyday.

Death is one form of Grief. It seems to be the most challenging because there is no hope in the here and now for change. 

Death, after all, is the final frontier and not reversible.

 I met a woman who was working through her grief of a couple of years. Her "friends" keep telling her it's been long enough, she should "do other things" of course, they tell her what she shouldn't do, too.

She had a very long marriage, as she said "good pair" who made their lives together and survived decades of challenges.

Not to be minimal, but think of it as having in your life anything, human or an object, when it's "gone",  you "miss" having it. 

The degree to which you miss this object is often associated with the length of time, the value and the part it played in your life. 

Well intentioned friends and acquaintances often do not grasp the level at which the loss is experienced and for how long.

Grief has many "faces" to the world:

Some had less than good experiences in their relationship and so the "passing" may even be a relief but reflected to the world as one of their having "adjusted" so well, so quickly as they moved on. 

It's different for everyone; don't be quick to judge, to approve or disapprove; it's their life, not yours.

Some find a need to replace or restore their lives through finding another to share the time and reclaim life as they knew it.

Some bear the loss seeking solutions along the way to understand, comprehend and manage a new, yet unwanted, life beginning.

Others have been affected by more than just the death, illness, loss -- they are struggling to move forward while most people walk around these individuals, some offer support of one kind of another, most go on living their lives giving their support or encouragement when they have the time or when they come in contact with the "bereaved".

Why do we only see grief as being a "deep" feeling and if someone doesn't "display" this form of grief/sorrow, they are heartless, uncaring and unfeeling?

Some of us hide grief created by the actions taken by someone in their life that aren't associated with death but have the same effect. 

Realizing responsibilities must come before self focus.

Some cannot accept actions they took and while regretting privately actions, words or deeds, lack the courage to acknowledge and instead use this time to accelerate attacking and negating.

Children who remove the ability to talk with or visit grandchildren because they cannot resolve differences through active listening and engagement in resolution processes or take responsibility for years of abuse they did prefer to shift and create blame in another.

Parents endured behaviours from these children over many years and now the "child" uses the "ultimate weapon" -- denial of the only thing they really control access to believing they are "winning" a "battle".

How very sad to use human beings in this way. 

There are, of course, valid reasons for denying contact including physical abuse but to insert another human being into a situation where you cannot face the challenges in the relationship you've created does not resolve the situation and only adds "fuel to the fire".

Sadly, these grown "children" pick up their marbles and go home when they cannot get the other person to follow their lead, to do what they want and to give up whatever the other wants.

They are planting the seeds of a tomorrow when their children will be adults and will have the ability to question and possibly put into practice what was done to them on the real perpetrators.

They have struggled in life facing and owning their negative actions and often hide behind masks they create to hide the reality of what they've done and continue to do. 

To the world at large, these providers of grief may appear to function normally, possibly even exceeding in areas, but in reality they are deeply troubled individuals who need to face the real problems in their lives, not those they "identify" or replace what should be faced, what should be resolved.

The definition of grief that includes "trouble" and "annoyance" I would expand and add "a force that weaves into and around the life experience causing unforseen and unanticipated disruption and potentially unreclaimable losses."

INTERESTING COMPARISON:  I've been writing about the need to redefine or rexamine DEMENTIA and recognize it's not the depth of the disease, it's the impact the disease causes in all its stages.

THIS IS GRIEF'S DEFINITION AS WELL.

To believe Grief starts with death and over time subsides or goes away is as false, misleading and deceptive as believing the only kind of Dementia is Alzheimers. 

As for me, I've chosen not to accept Grief as others define the process. 

Has Grief affected me? Absolutely. 

Does Grief rule my life and control me? Definitely Not!

It's understanding where you are, where you need to be that becomes important to allowing for grief but not succumbing to it or building the forcefulness of its impact on you.

I've lived believing each day I face choices, make decisions and continue the path with those whom I love and loved, walking together even though we're apart.

Many days, many years that have followed have not been pleasant, enjoyable, welcome; many have been devastating, challenging. 

We, you and I, decide each day how we will move through that time, when we have moved forward and to what point without someone with whom we shared and may still have or may choose to place in a different perspective, a life bond.

Grief is personal. 

Grief is not the feelings of a friend, acquaintance or family member. Grief can be shared but grief is unique to all it affects.

We, you and I, can find a small speck of joy or simple positive thinking in the deepest of life's challenges.

Grief, in any form, is natural. 

You have the personal right to adjust, to find relief.

You're allowed to change your focus to a positive life movement. Society no longer dictates a specific time or dress for mourning. 

Grief. Mourning. Adjusting. Living. 

It's true life is never the same .

It's true life would never be the same any way.