Thief In The Night

LBD, once thought                                                                                                           to be a “rare" Dementia                                                               

NOW a major challenger                                                                                                 to Alzheimer's                                                                                                       as a Most Prominent                                                                                                       type of Dementia.

My oldest son 

still doesn't believe 

his Grandmother 

had Dementia.

 

He could not then, 

and cannot now, 

grasp this disease's 

variations, length of time 

and scope of impact 

on the individual & caregivers

My youngest son took

almost two years 

to recognize

his Grandmother 

had significant 

mental processing 

problems.

Daughter lived with us 

the longest.

Went to College locally.

She understands:

LBD is A Thief In The Night

Lived through many 

painful episodes 

trying to convince  

"the boys" with limited amount 

of material available.

One of the principal 

components of LBD                                                                                                       is the presence of 

hallucinations/delusions                                                                                                 and ability to be "influenced".

Mom had "visions" of people

outside our house in early 2010.

 

People dressed in clothing 

more early twentieth century 

and small town styles. 

We wrote if off to

a book she was reading,

A memory she recalled,

It's a sign of Dementia.

 

We thought it was 

her eyesight.

Cataracts & 

macular degeneration.

That was before we knew

 about LBD.

 

Mom's nose ran constantly.

Sounds silly but this is

a "warning sign" for LBD. 

We also wrote it off 

to medications received.

For a urinary tract infection.

Mom passed in her 100th year

Two years in a "facility"

Not our choice --

Predator's

Some abuse for money

Others have an agenda.

They're not all 

impoverished

Ours was privileged

We thought she was kind

She was manipulative.

She was vengeful.

She walked on Sundays

In the procession

Carrying the Bible

Preaching, teaching,

Predator in sheep's clothing.

Beware those who self invite

Their agenda is to "stir the pot"

To get close, to blend in

Like any great hunter for prey.

They manipulate, control

Walk away with money

And even the family home.

We felt something 

didn't seem "right".

Especially when my only

credit card was 

cancelled suddenly.

Then called by a local

Long Term Care

Asking when to 

expect My Mom.

This woman

had been a Nurse.

She knew how to 

"work the system".

Abusers come 

in all shapes and sizes

Man or woman,

Young or old.

Rich or poor,

For some it's a game.

For others, control.

They are thieves,

With no respect.

Predators who

Seek "The Hunt"

They're bold

They have no shame

Ruining lives is their game.

Chasing My "Self"

What’s with this surging need?                                                                                       I sit and type and wonder why.                                                                                         The words come flying out of “the sky”.   

Have they been hiding all along

If so, I’ll use them as “My Song”.

 

Am I poised to live and learn

Will I continue to actively earn?

 

So many questions, 

far less time

Will I burn or will I shine?

 

Does it matter any way

If I choose to have my say?

 

Like bursts of light

Words join as if in flight.

 

Like Geese in the air

They join and create

Winter is harsh

It hides their food

They know they, too,

Have a lot to lose.

.

We humans see

We’re not fools.

 

Each finds their special tools

To survive and to wait,

Knowing there IS 

an expiration date.

 

While we can, we do;

When we can’t, we won’t.

 

Today I have the choice

Today I raise my voice.

 

A wrinkle here,

A slower step there.

 

Be careful, Mom, I’m told

A loving hand extends to hold.

Perfectly capable --

Yet "she" has some "fear".

She watched her Grandmother

And shed many tears.

 

Megaphones screech

Across the electronic page

Telling me I’m worthless

Just because of “age”

 

Then why, tell me please,

Do YOU want to incur

More candles each year

If you see "in me"

What you most fear?

 

You can’t wait to age

You see it as a “perk”

Let me tell you, my “friend”

That’s acting like a “jerk”

 

Value what you have

Embrace where you are

Soon you’ll hear the shouts

Causing you to doubt.

 

Others have been born

They demand a place.

Wanting to take yours

It’s going to be your fate.

 

It’s a life story,

Filled with doubt and worry.

 

Stand up, speak out

It’s never too late.

Spread love abundantly

Let others build lives with hate.

 

Strange how survival 

is seen as distress

It causes concerns 

and such a mess!

 

We’re blamed for the actions 

The deeds and the plans

All to build fortunes

From what we achieved

And refuse to “concede”.

 

Life seemed to drag

Then it flew by fast

It’s Memories moving forward

Relclaimed from my past.

 

“I’m fine, thanks for asking

Sleeping well, eating right”.

You know you’re quickly aging

When many health questions 

come to light.

 

Of course my end 

is closer in sight. . .

How fortunate I am 

to know it’s not tonight. 

Changing Directions

Each year I add, goes faster,

The past looks farther,

The future closer.

Making time 

Not taking time

Borrowing

Lending

Saving time

Realizing 

Life is shortening

Pulling

Pushing

Wondering why

Will what I do

Make a pinhole

Difference

In life?

Does it need to?

I reach out far.

I bring in close.

No way to measure.

Just know.

Sit, walk, talk.

Visit, See, Question.

Same path taken.

Some results, some not.

A butterfly, a moth.

Different yet same.

I'll try to touch. 

More flowers.

Along life's short byways.

Will I make a difference?

Will time reward my "trys"?

Will you stop and listen?

Or turn and walk away.

Not your problem.

Don't have time.

So far in the future.

Why should I care?

Take a deep breath.

The future is now.

How you walk and talk.

Will get us there.

If lucky, you'll live 

To times to consider

Why you did not hear.

Blinders and earplugs

Driven to distress

Time is your enemy

Or your closest friend.

Listen, learn

Most important care.

Bring others to the table

There's a lot to share.

We and You

Can make a difference.

A lifetime shows the way.

All that's needed

Is your Caring,

Sharing. Persevering.

Today. Do it today!

Ask. Look. Listen.

Join hands and hearts.

You Are The World.

Look Before You Leap

Even if you have no intention to ...

Live in a Long Term Care Facility...

Get to know the System.

Your eyes, ears and voice

Are critical to an "industry"

Dependent on "turnover"

Needing Funding

How long did it take 

To find your "home"?

A new or used car?

A Doctor to deliver a child?

Wait until the last moment

when need is "now"

you settle for what you can

regretting not planning.

We shop for many things in life.

Almost all of us do not shop 

for something we do not want.

How many college visits 

did you make with your kids? 

How many people did you date 

before deciding this was "the one"? 

Belong to an organization, a club. 

making a choice where to eat or meet?

Most people put more 

into those choices 

than in "a place to live" 

when it means  

more assistance, 

medical care or supervision.

You need to visit more than once.

At different times.

Walk the facility, all areas, 

check out the on line information

including Annual Reports. 

Seek and find.

Others who are where you're going.

Keep watch as the years pass

Walk around, visit, 

Just Don't Get Pulled In,

To pay a few thousand

Join others on events, trips

Vulnerability can cause poor decisions

The leaders of these programs

Know who to sell and how to sell

When they see possibility

They turn on the "charm"

And start the "qualifying process

Leading to engaging, then joining.

A free lunch or dinner may be nice

It's a way to "catch you off guard"

Believing it's "just a social time

Predators among humans wait, listen

Move in when they see opportunity

Listen for possibility to "close".

Finding ways to "gain confidence"

Inviting, never pushing, always cordial.

Until they feel you're "hooked"

Like any other "fishing" 

These people know what triggers

Positive reaction and response.

Friend? Or foe?

Maybe neither.

Your few thousand to "hold a space"

May cause you to 'take the bait".

They'll do what you should 

Invest it and gain interest.

Old adage: 

"If it's free, is it really worth the price?"

Hidden In Plain Sight

Not being able to attend School functions.                                                             Missing the date of an Anniversary.                                                                     Business cross country or worldwide.                                                              

Life happens, we often call it "controls".                                                                 They're choices made yesterday or years ago.                                                                 We believed they were "for the best".                                           

Look for the patina of unexpected times.                                                                 Value what exists, remains, is shown. 

it's not choice driving the person.                                                                              It's often misconnected memories.                                         

Our mind stores years.                                                                                                 Life experiences, actions mixed together.                                                                        

Once unique, separated.                                                                                             Now pressed together or torn apart.

The mind "confused" by Dementia,                                                                               may not have the ability                                                                                                 to "sort through" or "find"                                                                                     acceptable words or actions.                                                  

Remind yourself:                                                                                                               this is someone you love.

They are there,                                                                                                                    standing, sitting,                                                                                                                 laying in a bed.

Time spent today are memories tomorrow.                                                                     Keep yours wrapped in love.   

Dementia is a thief in the night.                                                                                    It's often hidden in plain sight. 

Family Ties Fall Apart

I'm aging. We all are.                                                                                                     What exactly does that mean?

More time added to "Yesterday".                                                                                       More time subtracted from "Tomorrow"?

We run life's race believing we'll win.                                                                               We trip, we fall, we rise again.

Children become parents.                                                                                     Reality sinks in.

They take, we give, repeated every day.                                                                           We reach out, they sidestep.                                                                                             Life is play and then they go away. 

Our paths separate.                                                                                        Some come back together.                                                                                             Others split and divide.

Living close, moving far?                                                                                                 What are the ties that bind?                                                                       Who among you really care?

Years and decades pass.                                                                                             Aging, changes, wants and needs.

We all are mirror images.                                                                                     Reflections of who we are and have been.  

I feel almost invisible at times.                                                                                      Grateful to have one who cares.

Hidden In Plain Sight

Dementia challenges everyone. 

If they're living                                                                                                                     in a special environment,                                                                                               you carry the concern                                                                                                       when circumstances block your visiting.                                                                     

It's often like an emotional ferris wheel,                                                                       one day they're up, the next they're down,                                                             never knowing how far in either direction.                                

Today, not tomorrow, if you have a loved one,                                                           create a Power of Attorney for Health Care.                              

To be their effective eyes and ears,                                                                           you need paperwork.

I've heard horror stories about "discord"                                                                             in families and spouses being told                                                                                 they had no "rights" if they didn't have a POA.

We learned the hard way,                                                                                               caring for a loved one who lives with you                                                                   is easier than in other environments.

Dementia is not "one size fits all".

Sometimes it's medications;                                                                                     don't label everything"Dementia".

One friend has a husband                                                                                             who wants to talk and be heard --                                                                           sometimes for hours on end. 

She has activities, interests;                                                                                           works full time,                                                                                                             community involved. 

He wants/needs her                                                                                                         to always be available                                                                                                     to give him constant attention.

It's not always about finances,                                                                                   it's a need to be there "on demand".

For many women it's like having an infant,                                                                   toddler, young child, needing "your" attention. 

In these times:                                                                                                         Remember the past filled with absences.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Different Directions

Arms and hands.                                                                                                             Legs and feet.

MOVE! When I ask you. . . 

MOVE! When I need.

 

Where am I going?  

Where have I been?

Why do I want to? 

When I’m not sure I can.

 

You look into my life

You measure and judge.

Clock's ticking

Your time is dripping.

Like a leaking faucet

No one cares to fix.

Vices and Virtues

All come to light.

When we sit in the dark

We fail to ignite.

Generations so different

Yet so very much alike.

"He" drank alcohol.

"She" took pills.

Chained to the office

Sent far and wide.

You never saw your work

As passed to a machine.

Believing you would beat the odds

You would survive the "freeze".

My Gen opened a bottle,

Yours prefers needles and pins.

 

Work it out, work it off

Always “yours” to measure out.

 

You push and shove to climb and gain.

Then turn around to face personal shame.

Loss of time, feeling pain.

 

Let Me Be!  

She's coping when you’re not near.

She lives with constant concern. 

Sometimes with fear.

Not necessarily about the end;

About the journey round the bend.

 

Come and Go. 

Sit and Stay. 

Tomorrow’s questionable. 

There’s just today.

 

Yes, I know, you don’t approve

Who’s life is it, if I may be so “crude”?

 

I’m nearing the end and you want me to say

It’s just another one of those gone again days?

You can't cope, so I must leave.

It's too much for you, not so for me.

The Home I've known,

My special place.

Now I'm told "I'm taking up space"

Others "need" what I achieved.

It's their turn now

It's my time to leave.

 

I’ll know when it’s time; It’s easy to find

It’s all in my body – and in my mind.

 

Isn’t it what you want?

Isn’t it what you need?

 

You stumble and stare

You walk away, do you really care?

 

HEAR “ME”. SEE “ME”

I am here. Have been. Will be. 

WILL YOU . . . for me?

Death's Heavy Hands

Moms, Dads, kids, have “the talk”                                               Grams/Gramps/Relatives/Friends

Death pays frequent visits.                                                                                              Aging, accidents, phone calls, texts.

Death finds a way to knock on doors.                                                                    Phone rings, email arrives.

We get news someone passes

We cry or laugh. We give a "sigh".

Decades of family gatherings.

Never really knowing

The depth of their lives.

Too busy with our own.  

Walking away. 

Believing “duty” performed.

Check off one more “to do”.

Sigh of relief it’s finally done.

 

Who talks to us about the “Big D”

As we run through life looking

For what we cannot see.

 

Who cares if we move 

backwards not forwards?

Struggling with an opponent 

holding all the cards.

 

Unnoticed. Unrecognized. Unwanted.

When? Where? How?                                                                                                   And most of all, "Why"?

 

“I think therefore I am” 

Thoughts run through yesterday’s mind.

“What was I thinking about……” 

Now rings in our ears.

Wanting more time 

Wishing it could be . . .

 

You can do this. 

You’ve always done this.

 

Please, just try. 

Please . . . just . . . try . . .