The day daughter and I visited Mom's grave, I felt compelled to make the trip.
Although we could have gone either of the next two days, I felt drawn to drive the more than one hundred miles there and back on that day, not another.
It was a few days past her birth date.
We always spent that day together and celebrated another year of life, another year of knowing the love of family as a unit of support and caring.
Daughter and I spent more time than we usually did among many headstones finding family members including Aunts and Uncles and Cousins with the same last names.
We'd walked the cemetery before but not to this extent and so the finds were interesting as we tallied the number of relatives who lived, loved and passed as all have done and will do. I tried to recall Mom's stories of this one and that and of other people with whom she shared her time on this earth.
We'd taken along a lunch and ate it in the car on the half dirt, half gravel road that wraps from the outside to the inside of the graveyard and out again.
In a way, we were "sharing" another picnic with Mom as we'd done so many times before.
For some cultures, this practice of visiting graves and eating is the same as it is for some religions who come to pray.
It wasn't planned that way. We're still very much pinching pennies and making lunch is so much less expensive than buying even fast food on a dollar menu.
I've seen a lot of graveyards over the years as I've traveled and attended various funerals and burials of friends and family.
This one has been the most unique, peaceful and very memorable to me, possibly because it offers connectivity to my own family, to those who came before me.
It gives light and hope for my journey knowing they had challenges and struggles, hopes and dreams, some that changed their lives forever while others may have been like a whisp of smoke, here for the moment and then vanishing into thin air.
There are no signs along the main road to guide you to the final resting place of members of the community.
No Church sits nearby, no gate provides entry.
It's as open and accessible and free standing as it was when the first burial began sometime in the 1840's or so.
No neatly laid out plots although there are some lines and symmetry there is not the same "planning" but rather burials in family plots as they occurred, young children alongside adults, all whose lives are marked by dates on stone.
In the newer areas there's a linear positioning of the graves but there's still some variance.
The old tombstones can hardly be read; they're small and most are white.
So open. So natural. Surrounded by the farming community and small towns nearby. Oh, there are other burial areas and some say this was the burial place for those who weren't "good members" of specific churches or who maybe didn't have the funds -- at least in the beginning.
Now, I think members of families choose this place because of the peace, the natural beauty and the freedom it represents and probably because it's a simpler place.
Monuments, yes, but very average and no mausoleums, no crypts, no definition of wealth on this earth by today's standards.
Death paid a visit to our family on the same day we visited Mom's grave site. Was that why I felt drawn?
Was I needing to experience this peace I felt when the last male member of my husband's family passed through this life?
The message came by text from my son who was travelling outside the country on business.
They passed in the order they were born -- oldest, middle and youngest.
One child remains, my sister-in-law. I had no brothers and sisters but imagine watching those in your own generation, with whom you were raised, pass, is a major life change.
I've written before about "moving up" in the line of chairs as relatives pass through this life.
Losing a sibling, I would imagine, is like moving up and over and realizing there are no more seats left to occupy after all parents, brothers and sisters have left this life.
Without siblings, I reached the head of the line with the death of my parents. My father passed my first year of college and my Mom last year.
Drawn to visit, to pause and to remember the good that we do for and with others is the most positive part of our continuing lives and memories that remain when we have departed.
Miss you Mom. And, dear brother-in-law, have great memories of times together and the blessings knowing you brought into our lives. Your gifts were many, your challenges as well, but you lived and were a part of life and love in our family, Downs Syndrome did not define you or our family.
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
A Magic Slate
Children of all ages and for decades have loved the Magic Slatetm
Basically, the Magic Slatetm gave a child the ability with a special "stylus" to write or draw and then to lift the special thin sheet covering the sturdy black "board" beneath and erase what had been written and write something else.
These creations of mind and spirit were not meant to be kept but they were a way to offer many options and hours of entertainment.
I have another memory of a Magic Slatetm.
While my husband was hospitalized and it was our Anniversary, I couldn't get to a card store and the Hospital Gift Shop had a very limited selection of cards, almost all were Get Well, Congratulations on Your New Baby and a few Happy Birthday -- but no Happy Anniversary.
No blank cards, either. And, by then our financial resources were very limited when every dollar, every dime, actually, was a major expenditure.
When I spotted a Magic Slatetm in the Hospital Gift Shop, possibly put there for children visiting or spending unwanted time inside the hospital doors, I saw a way to remind my husband of better days and times, especially the day that started our journey together as man and wife.
I wrote the date of our wedding and the date of our current anniversary with the message: to have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish.
There was no mention of those fatal words, "til death do us part". I was hopeful and positive. We had no idea we'd just started our last journey in life together.
It was a "bump in the road"; a medical challenge, major as it was, but one we'd get through and get over.
All we needed was time and one another.
Or so we thought.
At the time, we were still in the "beginning" days of his battle with so many complications.
Adrenal hemorrhage, pulmonary embolism, surgery that fell apart a couple of times, bleeding problems, a gallstone that came out of his ilium into one of his three or four colostomy bags necessitated by the constant breakdown of skin and from an incision that did not heal.
And so much more.
Then, there's the "magic" slate used in Long Term Care/Skilled Nursing Facilities:
CALENDARS, MENUS, ACTIVITY LISTS.
States and Federal Regulations require guidelines for food and daily activities but many facilities use the disclaimer "may change" or similar words.
Some of the "food" served to my Mom looked more like the food served to pigs and other animals. Often overcooked, seldom appetizing and always lacking in eye appeal.
Ever watch the TV reruns of MASH? Remember the food line and the jokes and comments?
It's no joke to get food served in this way to our elderly population.
Recent TV and Internet articles have appeared on the need for "high quality" food to assist with brain development and even sustainability without medical complications.
A "new" Alzheimer's ad featuring a prominent Hollywood personality talks about the benefits of good, fresh food to maintain good health for this form of Dementia as good food sustains body development and healthy functioning.
Mom's facility "puts on the Ritz" as the old saying goes when there is a possibility family members or friends will "dine" on Holidays or Special Occasions.
Prime Rib was the featured dish at a recent celebration of Mother's Day. And, at least this time, my "complaints" were heard (probably because I voiced them to other family attendees on previous occassions who also took their concerns as I did mine to the Administration) and "regular residents" who did not have "paying family in attendance" were admitted to the dining room and not excluded as had happened so many times before.
Many times I've seen the menu feature peanut butter and jelly, hot dogs and soups with little protein provided. Nice pieces of chicken, pork or beef are few and far between as are dishes incorporting these food basics or other proteins Seniors of extensive advanced age can easily digest.
Of course, there's a charge for attending these special occassions, and part of that charge offsets the food cost for residents but the food offered is of a higher quality and there's always a few more "extras" appearing in the cafeteria (the one that's only open for an hour a day for dinner from 4PM - 5 PM) like more fruit both canned and fresh varieties.
Activities? Recently we've seen a few more based on the "floor" where residents spend most of their time but seldom do we see a resident who's taken outside in good weather and given the opportunity to "play" a "lawn game" or even have a checker board or table set up and gathering residents around to "play" and spend positive time together.
Since almost everyone becomes "wheel chair bound" within six months of entering the facility OR have the benefit of a motorized riding cart, it is a challenge to create experiences BUT this is their responsibility, their focus, their profession.
Perhaps if there was a higher staff to patient ratio?
TIME AND MONEY. Interesting how a family of four can live in a home and pay far less for their mortgage, utilities, visits to the Doctor/Dentist, have some recreation and activities as well as maintain a car for far less than the average cost of residing in a lower cost Long Term Care Facility/Nursing Home in the State of Missouri with the average cost of $6,000 per year.
That's $72,000 for basic care -- additional items can be and are added. I've yet to find a real average cost of living in a Long Term Care/Nursing Home Facility based on actual costs submitted to Medicare/Medicaid or Insurance Companies.
Why aren't we as a society asking for more transparency and more published costs?
With about half the residential population on Medicare and Medicaid, it's taxes and other funds, including donations and fund raising, providing for WHAT EXACTLY?
We are encouraged to consider "Long Term Care Insurance" but these products are based on the current and projected annual costs along with the projected length of stay in a facility. That means we'll pay higher premiums when facilities incur higher costs NO MATTER if the cause is one they've created due to negligence or even abuse.
We need to wake up as a society. We need to realize when we don't ask questions, when we don't mandate transparency and open information from the industry of Senior Caregiving from residential facilities, we're placing a high cost on today's care and future care.
QUESTION: Where do you think you'll be living when the need comes for constant care giving?
Are you willing to exist day to day with the problems and challenges cited in this blog?
Basically, the Magic Slatetm gave a child the ability with a special "stylus" to write or draw and then to lift the special thin sheet covering the sturdy black "board" beneath and erase what had been written and write something else.
These creations of mind and spirit were not meant to be kept but they were a way to offer many options and hours of entertainment.
I have another memory of a Magic Slatetm.
While my husband was hospitalized and it was our Anniversary, I couldn't get to a card store and the Hospital Gift Shop had a very limited selection of cards, almost all were Get Well, Congratulations on Your New Baby and a few Happy Birthday -- but no Happy Anniversary.
No blank cards, either. And, by then our financial resources were very limited when every dollar, every dime, actually, was a major expenditure.
When I spotted a Magic Slatetm in the Hospital Gift Shop, possibly put there for children visiting or spending unwanted time inside the hospital doors, I saw a way to remind my husband of better days and times, especially the day that started our journey together as man and wife.
I wrote the date of our wedding and the date of our current anniversary with the message: to have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish.
There was no mention of those fatal words, "til death do us part". I was hopeful and positive. We had no idea we'd just started our last journey in life together.
It was a "bump in the road"; a medical challenge, major as it was, but one we'd get through and get over.
All we needed was time and one another.
Or so we thought.
At the time, we were still in the "beginning" days of his battle with so many complications.
Adrenal hemorrhage, pulmonary embolism, surgery that fell apart a couple of times, bleeding problems, a gallstone that came out of his ilium into one of his three or four colostomy bags necessitated by the constant breakdown of skin and from an incision that did not heal.
And so much more.
Then, there's the "magic" slate used in Long Term Care/Skilled Nursing Facilities:
CALENDARS, MENUS, ACTIVITY LISTS.
States and Federal Regulations require guidelines for food and daily activities but many facilities use the disclaimer "may change" or similar words.
Some of the "food" served to my Mom looked more like the food served to pigs and other animals. Often overcooked, seldom appetizing and always lacking in eye appeal.
Ever watch the TV reruns of MASH? Remember the food line and the jokes and comments?
It's no joke to get food served in this way to our elderly population.
Recent TV and Internet articles have appeared on the need for "high quality" food to assist with brain development and even sustainability without medical complications.
A "new" Alzheimer's ad featuring a prominent Hollywood personality talks about the benefits of good, fresh food to maintain good health for this form of Dementia as good food sustains body development and healthy functioning.
Mom's facility "puts on the Ritz" as the old saying goes when there is a possibility family members or friends will "dine" on Holidays or Special Occasions.
Prime Rib was the featured dish at a recent celebration of Mother's Day. And, at least this time, my "complaints" were heard (probably because I voiced them to other family attendees on previous occassions who also took their concerns as I did mine to the Administration) and "regular residents" who did not have "paying family in attendance" were admitted to the dining room and not excluded as had happened so many times before.
Many times I've seen the menu feature peanut butter and jelly, hot dogs and soups with little protein provided. Nice pieces of chicken, pork or beef are few and far between as are dishes incorporting these food basics or other proteins Seniors of extensive advanced age can easily digest.
Of course, there's a charge for attending these special occassions, and part of that charge offsets the food cost for residents but the food offered is of a higher quality and there's always a few more "extras" appearing in the cafeteria (the one that's only open for an hour a day for dinner from 4PM - 5 PM) like more fruit both canned and fresh varieties.
Activities? Recently we've seen a few more based on the "floor" where residents spend most of their time but seldom do we see a resident who's taken outside in good weather and given the opportunity to "play" a "lawn game" or even have a checker board or table set up and gathering residents around to "play" and spend positive time together.
Since almost everyone becomes "wheel chair bound" within six months of entering the facility OR have the benefit of a motorized riding cart, it is a challenge to create experiences BUT this is their responsibility, their focus, their profession.
Perhaps if there was a higher staff to patient ratio?
TIME AND MONEY. Interesting how a family of four can live in a home and pay far less for their mortgage, utilities, visits to the Doctor/Dentist, have some recreation and activities as well as maintain a car for far less than the average cost of residing in a lower cost Long Term Care Facility/Nursing Home in the State of Missouri with the average cost of $6,000 per year.
That's $72,000 for basic care -- additional items can be and are added. I've yet to find a real average cost of living in a Long Term Care/Nursing Home Facility based on actual costs submitted to Medicare/Medicaid or Insurance Companies.
Why aren't we as a society asking for more transparency and more published costs?
With about half the residential population on Medicare and Medicaid, it's taxes and other funds, including donations and fund raising, providing for WHAT EXACTLY?
We are encouraged to consider "Long Term Care Insurance" but these products are based on the current and projected annual costs along with the projected length of stay in a facility. That means we'll pay higher premiums when facilities incur higher costs NO MATTER if the cause is one they've created due to negligence or even abuse.
We need to wake up as a society. We need to realize when we don't ask questions, when we don't mandate transparency and open information from the industry of Senior Caregiving from residential facilities, we're placing a high cost on today's care and future care.
QUESTION: Where do you think you'll be living when the need comes for constant care giving?
Are you willing to exist day to day with the problems and challenges cited in this blog?
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Reporting Neglect or Abuse
Standards in Long Term Care Facilities. What are they? Who makes them? Who administers them and most of all, who do you go to if you suspect neglect and/or abuse?
Where to research Long Term Care requirements, standards, systems and procedures, some suggestions:
Federal Regulations
State Regulations
Health Codes -- Federal, State, Local
Building and Maintenance Codes -- Local
Professional Accreditation Agencies for medical and service providers of Seniors
What is neglect? How far should you let a situation go before you take action outside of a facility? Where should you go?
Neglect is a failure to provide a service or ensure the safety and well being of an individual that falls outside of or below established standards or affects the individual's personal level of service expectations and may endanger their health or well being -- my definition gathered from various laws and writings on the subject.
The challenge for all of us is raising the bar on these standards as some are so vague or so low as to allow neglect and abuse to not only happen but to escalate and cause increasing incidents of accidents and even death.
What is abuse? What's the difference between neglect and abuse?
Abuse is legally defined as well as socially defined. It involves taking advantage of another human being for personal or other benefit.
Abuse is usually covered by Federal and State Statues.
Unfortunately, the Statutes are also general, broad and leave a great deal open to interpretation.
Sadly, it takes money and time to pursue litigation and residents of Long Term Care generally have neither.
Who can report neglect or abuse? ANYONE.
Where can you report neglect or abuse? There are not for profit agencies and government agencies.
The effectiveness of each one depends on the individuals administering agencies, departments and even those who are assigned to a "case" or to follow up on a request or concern.
Can you "see" neglect and abuse? SOMETIMES it's right in front of your eyes or you see something you believe might be abuse or neglect. SOMETIMES it's hidden in actions and words that appear to be "helpful" but are actually demeaning, demoralizing and destructive to the individual.
Look carefully, listen closely and remember, above all, these are adult human beings who may have challenges physically, emotionally or mentally but still have feelings and retain individual rights to respect, dignity and consideration.
Neglect is often due to poor or lack of training and information, lack of time or amount of staff, burned out or uncaring individuals or a facility that does not effectively monitor, evaluate and completely inform staff through access to accurate and current information on physical, emotional and mental conditions of residents.
Another cause is based on finances -- either the need or desire to "save money" spent on care for residents to increase the bottom line or to stay in business -- both cause more problems for society.
Abuse is continual disregard for the individual and actions, words or deeds that cause the perpetrator to supercede the individual rights of the person for their own wants and needs.
What can we do? Share our concerns publicly.
We're concerned about who comes into our home to do repairs, where the best buys for travel and even for household cleaning items are located but we do not establish a rating system, a reference point for Long Term Care Facilties.
An unbiased, open forum type gathering of information where real people voice concerns and concerns are grouped into categories for easy reference. Anyone want to start one?
I do not see the "Star Rating System" now used by the Government as valid, valuable or even useful as it relies on information gathered from State Inspections.
Society has a basis of needing these institutions to continue to provide care, stay open because closing them would add costs of relocation and alerting the general public to the real challenges inside these closed doors but we don't get real, accurate and measureable information.
What are you willing to do to ensure the safety and well being of the men and women who rely on us, you and me, to protect and defend them as they did as parents, citizens and serving in Wars for our well being and safety.
What will you do today for those in need and possibly for your future self?
Where to research Long Term Care requirements, standards, systems and procedures, some suggestions:
Federal Regulations
State Regulations
Health Codes -- Federal, State, Local
Building and Maintenance Codes -- Local
Professional Accreditation Agencies for medical and service providers of Seniors
What is neglect? How far should you let a situation go before you take action outside of a facility? Where should you go?
Neglect is a failure to provide a service or ensure the safety and well being of an individual that falls outside of or below established standards or affects the individual's personal level of service expectations and may endanger their health or well being -- my definition gathered from various laws and writings on the subject.
The challenge for all of us is raising the bar on these standards as some are so vague or so low as to allow neglect and abuse to not only happen but to escalate and cause increasing incidents of accidents and even death.
What is abuse? What's the difference between neglect and abuse?
Abuse is legally defined as well as socially defined. It involves taking advantage of another human being for personal or other benefit.
Abuse is usually covered by Federal and State Statues.
Unfortunately, the Statutes are also general, broad and leave a great deal open to interpretation.
Sadly, it takes money and time to pursue litigation and residents of Long Term Care generally have neither.
Who can report neglect or abuse? ANYONE.
Where can you report neglect or abuse? There are not for profit agencies and government agencies.
The effectiveness of each one depends on the individuals administering agencies, departments and even those who are assigned to a "case" or to follow up on a request or concern.
Can you "see" neglect and abuse? SOMETIMES it's right in front of your eyes or you see something you believe might be abuse or neglect. SOMETIMES it's hidden in actions and words that appear to be "helpful" but are actually demeaning, demoralizing and destructive to the individual.
Look carefully, listen closely and remember, above all, these are adult human beings who may have challenges physically, emotionally or mentally but still have feelings and retain individual rights to respect, dignity and consideration.
Neglect is often due to poor or lack of training and information, lack of time or amount of staff, burned out or uncaring individuals or a facility that does not effectively monitor, evaluate and completely inform staff through access to accurate and current information on physical, emotional and mental conditions of residents.
Another cause is based on finances -- either the need or desire to "save money" spent on care for residents to increase the bottom line or to stay in business -- both cause more problems for society.
Abuse is continual disregard for the individual and actions, words or deeds that cause the perpetrator to supercede the individual rights of the person for their own wants and needs.
What can we do? Share our concerns publicly.
We're concerned about who comes into our home to do repairs, where the best buys for travel and even for household cleaning items are located but we do not establish a rating system, a reference point for Long Term Care Facilties.
An unbiased, open forum type gathering of information where real people voice concerns and concerns are grouped into categories for easy reference. Anyone want to start one?
I do not see the "Star Rating System" now used by the Government as valid, valuable or even useful as it relies on information gathered from State Inspections.
Society has a basis of needing these institutions to continue to provide care, stay open because closing them would add costs of relocation and alerting the general public to the real challenges inside these closed doors but we don't get real, accurate and measureable information.
What are you willing to do to ensure the safety and well being of the men and women who rely on us, you and me, to protect and defend them as they did as parents, citizens and serving in Wars for our well being and safety.
What will you do today for those in need and possibly for your future self?
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Perception versus Reality
Did my eyes deceive me? Was Mom receiving good quality medical care in her facility?
What exactly is "good quality" medical care?
What are the standards, who creates them, who oversees them and who enforces the standards?
Standards are set by individual States. They must adhere to Federal Standards and Regulations. These are broad and open to interpretation and if you read them, you'll see what I mean.
Why are they so broad? Good question. Could it be money for the programs flows (some would say trickles) down from the Federal Level to the States and as it moves through channels there's a "loss" due to Administrative and other costs generated through this passage.
How many people are employed within the Senior Services Sector administering programs through Federal and State departments?
How many of these actually have any contact directly with the people they are supposed to be "serving"?
What are their job requirements for their positions?
Usually minimal. Some not requiring a college degree much less one in a specialized area.
What authority do any of them have directly to take or cause action to be made when violations are suspected?
Very little. READ YOUR STATE'S STATUTES and their Rules and Regulations for the actual content.
Look closely and you'll see a very wide berth of "interpretation" is given and when violations are found -- well, try to find out what the consequences are. If you can find this "hidden" information, let me know -- I'm still looking.
THE DHSS IS THE BOTTOM LINE. That's each State's Department of Health and (according to where you are) Social Services or Senior Services.
In Missouri, there are one/two mandated yearly "inspections". They're supposed to be "unknown" but it's guaranteed someone at the facility is usually aware of the upcoming "visit" and many coincide with the anniversary of their yearly recertification so within a month a facility is aware of this visit.
What about the general public, you and me? Do we receive any notice of this visit so that we can meet with a representative and voice our concerns?
NO. Only once at three facilities have I ever seen a posting of the DHSS being "on site" and available for friends and family of residents and even the general public to meet with them.
WHY NOT? Are these "inspections" similar to the health inspections at many restaurants where it's "in and out" and "who you know" that gets a rating?
WHAT ARE THE RULES? THE REGULATIONS? What are the questions asked, the specific details of the requirements in the areas the DHSS investigates?
We can't see clearly because information is not transparent and readily available. Why not? Well, if we truly saw and understood the conditions that are tolerated, overlooked and set aside in Long Term Care Facilities due most probably out of a fear that closing one means fewer places for those who need them, we would be picketing in the streets.
ALAS, we continue to "park" our parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles and tell them "we'll see you again soon" and "have a nice day".
What if they don't?
Who really cares enough to do something -- night or day, weekday or weeknight?
In Missouri, and possibly your state, no one.
Perception -- seeing their world through rose colored glasses-- the way you want it to be.
Reality -- clear lenses magnifying the view to show the reality of neglect that grows in many cases to be abuse; unrecognized and untended because there isn't enough vigilance and transparency to ensure safety and well being.
What exactly is "good quality" medical care?
What are the standards, who creates them, who oversees them and who enforces the standards?
Standards are set by individual States. They must adhere to Federal Standards and Regulations. These are broad and open to interpretation and if you read them, you'll see what I mean.
Why are they so broad? Good question. Could it be money for the programs flows (some would say trickles) down from the Federal Level to the States and as it moves through channels there's a "loss" due to Administrative and other costs generated through this passage.
How many people are employed within the Senior Services Sector administering programs through Federal and State departments?
How many of these actually have any contact directly with the people they are supposed to be "serving"?
What are their job requirements for their positions?
Usually minimal. Some not requiring a college degree much less one in a specialized area.
What authority do any of them have directly to take or cause action to be made when violations are suspected?
Very little. READ YOUR STATE'S STATUTES and their Rules and Regulations for the actual content.
Look closely and you'll see a very wide berth of "interpretation" is given and when violations are found -- well, try to find out what the consequences are. If you can find this "hidden" information, let me know -- I'm still looking.
THE DHSS IS THE BOTTOM LINE. That's each State's Department of Health and (according to where you are) Social Services or Senior Services.
In Missouri, there are one/two mandated yearly "inspections". They're supposed to be "unknown" but it's guaranteed someone at the facility is usually aware of the upcoming "visit" and many coincide with the anniversary of their yearly recertification so within a month a facility is aware of this visit.
What about the general public, you and me? Do we receive any notice of this visit so that we can meet with a representative and voice our concerns?
NO. Only once at three facilities have I ever seen a posting of the DHSS being "on site" and available for friends and family of residents and even the general public to meet with them.
WHY NOT? Are these "inspections" similar to the health inspections at many restaurants where it's "in and out" and "who you know" that gets a rating?
WHAT ARE THE RULES? THE REGULATIONS? What are the questions asked, the specific details of the requirements in the areas the DHSS investigates?
We can't see clearly because information is not transparent and readily available. Why not? Well, if we truly saw and understood the conditions that are tolerated, overlooked and set aside in Long Term Care Facilities due most probably out of a fear that closing one means fewer places for those who need them, we would be picketing in the streets.
ALAS, we continue to "park" our parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles and tell them "we'll see you again soon" and "have a nice day".
What if they don't?
Who really cares enough to do something -- night or day, weekday or weeknight?
In Missouri, and possibly your state, no one.
Perception -- seeing their world through rose colored glasses-- the way you want it to be.
Reality -- clear lenses magnifying the view to show the reality of neglect that grows in many cases to be abuse; unrecognized and untended because there isn't enough vigilance and transparency to ensure safety and well being.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Seniors Suffer Isolation In Many Long Term Care Facilities
Where would you be without your cell phone? Who would you be without the ability to communicate with whomever you chose at whatever time you wanted?
How would you know what was going on in the world without the ability to click and search on a TV for the news, weather, entertainment and general information on daily life and living?
Magazines. Newspapers. Computers.
GONE. REMOVED. LIMITED.
NO ACCESS. NO PROVISION.
PRE SELECTED VIEWING TIMES & SUBJECTS.
What would your life be like, what would your world be like without the freedom to access information?
It would be like living in many long term care facilities.
Do you really believe everyone in Long Term Care Facilities are "so far gone" they have no ability to think, to reason, to care? THINK AGAIN.
Yes. Residents can have a TV in the room. Provided they can afford it or it's allowed as part of their "property allowance" under the rules of Medicaid, if they're recipients; usually a maximum of $999 in cash and assets.
Maybe there's a "common area", possibly more than one, where a TV is placed, usually on the wall.
Who controls the TV? The Staff on duty, of course.
What's on? Often it's whatever someone thinks they'd personally like to watch and sometimes not appropriate for individuals with mental challenges.
No one talks about "screening" TV programs in facilities and so programs that can often depress or even frighten minds that no longer can sort through reality and "make believe" are "entertained" with murder and gore.
Some facilities "park" residents in front of a TV much like parents parking children -- as a "sitter", something to do, a way to relieve the need to watch, care for and find something constructive or stimulating for the mind or body.
ISOLATION COMES IN MANY FORMS. In Mom's previous facility, there are books on a shelf in the "living room" just off the main entrance to the facility. It looks good. As it's meant to do. I've only seen one woman reading books in all the time we've visited.
Magazines? We've started taking some to a resident but haven't seen any and certainly not on the residential floors in any "gathering place" for residents.
Inside the lower level Activities Room there are some Videos and DVD's. Not on the floors where residents live and where they would have their TV's/entertainment centers.
Locating the Activity Room "in the basement" of the facility -- where there's also the laundry, the very small "gift shop" for residents and some facility offices -- is not convenient to the majority of residents who are physically incapable of making their way to the location. Then, too, it's closed "after hours" and so residents must plan to visit to pick up a movie; a major feat for those with physical and/or mental limitations.
Interesting Point to Consider: Walking around the facility when we were trying to find a better place for Mom to live, we were "impressed" by these "features".
We didn't fully analyze or consider the limitations but accepted the claims made and what we saw as being "inclusions" when they were really exclusions for many in the aging population.
Physical challenges and growing medical problems isolate residents and so do actions on the part of facilities to limit provisions of services and availability of choices.
You may not have the choices you believe you'll have when you grow into the very late, later years of life so many are achieving.
Are you ready to give in and give up as they learn to do?
Or, will you begin now to raise your voice, open your eyes and see more clearly how we continue to accept, tolerate and even propagate these conditions by not recognizing, actively working to change and ensuring full transparency within Long Term Care Facilities nationwide.
How would you know what was going on in the world without the ability to click and search on a TV for the news, weather, entertainment and general information on daily life and living?
Magazines. Newspapers. Computers.
GONE. REMOVED. LIMITED.
NO ACCESS. NO PROVISION.
PRE SELECTED VIEWING TIMES & SUBJECTS.
What would your life be like, what would your world be like without the freedom to access information?
It would be like living in many long term care facilities.
Do you really believe everyone in Long Term Care Facilities are "so far gone" they have no ability to think, to reason, to care? THINK AGAIN.
Yes. Residents can have a TV in the room. Provided they can afford it or it's allowed as part of their "property allowance" under the rules of Medicaid, if they're recipients; usually a maximum of $999 in cash and assets.
Maybe there's a "common area", possibly more than one, where a TV is placed, usually on the wall.
Who controls the TV? The Staff on duty, of course.
What's on? Often it's whatever someone thinks they'd personally like to watch and sometimes not appropriate for individuals with mental challenges.
No one talks about "screening" TV programs in facilities and so programs that can often depress or even frighten minds that no longer can sort through reality and "make believe" are "entertained" with murder and gore.
Some facilities "park" residents in front of a TV much like parents parking children -- as a "sitter", something to do, a way to relieve the need to watch, care for and find something constructive or stimulating for the mind or body.
ISOLATION COMES IN MANY FORMS. In Mom's previous facility, there are books on a shelf in the "living room" just off the main entrance to the facility. It looks good. As it's meant to do. I've only seen one woman reading books in all the time we've visited.
Magazines? We've started taking some to a resident but haven't seen any and certainly not on the residential floors in any "gathering place" for residents.
Inside the lower level Activities Room there are some Videos and DVD's. Not on the floors where residents live and where they would have their TV's/entertainment centers.
Locating the Activity Room "in the basement" of the facility -- where there's also the laundry, the very small "gift shop" for residents and some facility offices -- is not convenient to the majority of residents who are physically incapable of making their way to the location. Then, too, it's closed "after hours" and so residents must plan to visit to pick up a movie; a major feat for those with physical and/or mental limitations.
Interesting Point to Consider: Walking around the facility when we were trying to find a better place for Mom to live, we were "impressed" by these "features".
We didn't fully analyze or consider the limitations but accepted the claims made and what we saw as being "inclusions" when they were really exclusions for many in the aging population.
Physical challenges and growing medical problems isolate residents and so do actions on the part of facilities to limit provisions of services and availability of choices.
You may not have the choices you believe you'll have when you grow into the very late, later years of life so many are achieving.
Are you ready to give in and give up as they learn to do?
Or, will you begin now to raise your voice, open your eyes and see more clearly how we continue to accept, tolerate and even propagate these conditions by not recognizing, actively working to change and ensuring full transparency within Long Term Care Facilities nationwide.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Senior Workforce: A Valuable Asset for Society
Age equates to incapacitation and incapability in many minds.
In fact, it's a News Story when someone who's in their 80's or 90's appears to be physically fit and capable and/or mentally fit and capable.
This morning a young man in his mid 20's was featured on a news story because he'd had a stroke. Interesting because society generally doesn't see physical challenges as belonging in that age sector.
Actually, if you do a little research, you'll find there are many serious diseases that can and do affect individuals at very young ages including cancer, heart disease, liver and kidney ailments, Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus and others.
The reality is health issues can strike any age, any time in life.
The picture painted of growing old is loss and incapacity.
The challenge is why, where and when in the "aging cycle" (which we all grow through from birth onwards) society begins to paint this picture and with what amount of emphasis society puts on those specific challenges.
Then, there's the Language Factor.
In a rapidly changing world we've also reinvented or redesigned language.
Terms that were once limited to a Doctoral Thesis on Business and Economics are becoming common everyday terms used in all types of businesses.
Those who are moving ahead on the ladder of time past the forty and even the fifty something mark are running as fast as the twenty somethings to assimilate the language and apply it correctly.
Unlearning, relearning and erasing non applicable, non "now" phrases and expressions along with assimilating as quickly as possible the new professional acronyms and explanations.
So why don't companies value the input of the older generation? Why do they often see 54 or 64 as a "cut off"?
Do they fear their ability to analyze and discern?
Millennials I've met rate high on the scale of using this same level of consideration. Just ask them where they want to work and where they don't, you'll be surprised how many opt out of the large corporate sector seeing it as demoralizing and demeaning of humanity in general.
Shouldn't be news to anyone. Read the websites and see how corporations work to generate a picture of consideration, compassion and concern. Some deserve it while others are simply giving "lip service" to attract the employees they want.
Are Seniors only prospects as consumers for hearing aids and walking aids? Or maybe Term Life Insurance?
Time to look around and see the realities.
Seniors are concerned and rightfully so about their income lasting through a lifetime that may stretch into the 80's and 90's but if we value their contributions and keep them gainfully employed those worries would not be so great for the individual or society.
There are positions they could do including work from home.
It can be a lack of tools and abilities due to not being considered "teachable" or "worth the investment" -- as I see it -- that holds them back and keeps them out.
The age groups of 18-25 and those of 55+ are truly in the same employment "boat" -- the younger ones are trying to board the vessel and the older ones are trying to stay onboard.
Seniors can be very dedicated, could work hours others don't want (due to their internal clocks waking them earlier and earlier --see studies on this fact) and have a sense of dedication to a job not seen in younger generations who are looking for the next, the better, the more important position.
What a waste. Believing the years past 60 are just for retirement.
Or, believing the value of an older woman is to be a babysitter for the grandchildren and an older man to be someone who shows the grandchildren how to "do things".
Maybe for generations past where skillsets were not as varied and lives of women weren't in the workplace.
These were the continuations of a lifestyle where women were in the home and men in the workplace -- many in jobs involving using their hands and creating or repairing.
Oh, and of course, Volunteering and Charity work are acceptable but not necessarily the paid positions in organizations.
We've passed legislation extending tolerance legally in many areas including most recently marriage.
Time to work on Ageism and remove it from the list of "ism's".
The value of a person doesn't being or end according to a calendar.
IF we value human life, we value all ages and we respect individual rights.
In fact, it's a News Story when someone who's in their 80's or 90's appears to be physically fit and capable and/or mentally fit and capable.
This morning a young man in his mid 20's was featured on a news story because he'd had a stroke. Interesting because society generally doesn't see physical challenges as belonging in that age sector.
Actually, if you do a little research, you'll find there are many serious diseases that can and do affect individuals at very young ages including cancer, heart disease, liver and kidney ailments, Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus and others.
The reality is health issues can strike any age, any time in life.
The picture painted of growing old is loss and incapacity.
The challenge is why, where and when in the "aging cycle" (which we all grow through from birth onwards) society begins to paint this picture and with what amount of emphasis society puts on those specific challenges.
Then, there's the Language Factor.
In a rapidly changing world we've also reinvented or redesigned language.
Terms that were once limited to a Doctoral Thesis on Business and Economics are becoming common everyday terms used in all types of businesses.
Those who are moving ahead on the ladder of time past the forty and even the fifty something mark are running as fast as the twenty somethings to assimilate the language and apply it correctly.
Unlearning, relearning and erasing non applicable, non "now" phrases and expressions along with assimilating as quickly as possible the new professional acronyms and explanations.
So why don't companies value the input of the older generation? Why do they often see 54 or 64 as a "cut off"?
Do they fear their ability to analyze and discern?
Millennials I've met rate high on the scale of using this same level of consideration. Just ask them where they want to work and where they don't, you'll be surprised how many opt out of the large corporate sector seeing it as demoralizing and demeaning of humanity in general.
Shouldn't be news to anyone. Read the websites and see how corporations work to generate a picture of consideration, compassion and concern. Some deserve it while others are simply giving "lip service" to attract the employees they want.
Are Seniors only prospects as consumers for hearing aids and walking aids? Or maybe Term Life Insurance?
Time to look around and see the realities.
Seniors are concerned and rightfully so about their income lasting through a lifetime that may stretch into the 80's and 90's but if we value their contributions and keep them gainfully employed those worries would not be so great for the individual or society.
There are positions they could do including work from home.
It can be a lack of tools and abilities due to not being considered "teachable" or "worth the investment" -- as I see it -- that holds them back and keeps them out.
The age groups of 18-25 and those of 55+ are truly in the same employment "boat" -- the younger ones are trying to board the vessel and the older ones are trying to stay onboard.
Seniors can be very dedicated, could work hours others don't want (due to their internal clocks waking them earlier and earlier --see studies on this fact) and have a sense of dedication to a job not seen in younger generations who are looking for the next, the better, the more important position.
What a waste. Believing the years past 60 are just for retirement.
Or, believing the value of an older woman is to be a babysitter for the grandchildren and an older man to be someone who shows the grandchildren how to "do things".
Maybe for generations past where skillsets were not as varied and lives of women weren't in the workplace.
These were the continuations of a lifestyle where women were in the home and men in the workplace -- many in jobs involving using their hands and creating or repairing.
Oh, and of course, Volunteering and Charity work are acceptable but not necessarily the paid positions in organizations.
We've passed legislation extending tolerance legally in many areas including most recently marriage.
Time to work on Ageism and remove it from the list of "ism's".
The value of a person doesn't being or end according to a calendar.
IF we value human life, we value all ages and we respect individual rights.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
So Sorry For Your Loss
Later today, I'll attend a celebration of life, a retirement party for a friend I made along the way after my husband's passing.
She, too, experienced this loss. Younger and without the secondary care giving for a parent, I saw her continue her busy life and move forward knowing the piece that was missing was being a wife as well as a mother athough she still had a son living at home as I had a daughter.
How long has it been since we've sat and talked like we did before she joined the "widow's club"?
As she started her journey, that solo time of working through life as it is becoming while staying the same through so many changes and adjustments, we moved apart.
Time passes differently now. Measured by other ways and means.
Trying to remember one of the last times I saw her. We've emailed a few times but haven't "come together" -- ships passing in the night, as the old saying goes.
Daughter and I went to the funeral. Funerals become more prominent in your memory when you have them close in your life even when they're not of your own family members.
We went to the cemetery. I was a little reluctant to go. It was the same cemetery where my husband was buried.
Memories of that day, of the procession from the hearse to his final resting place.
I'd chosen men from among his friends and people who walked with him in life: our two sons to represent our family and his continuation, his sister's youngest son to represent the family of his beginnings.
One man who went to college with him (and me) and we'd remet in a local service organization many years later.
I'd asked a much older man we'd known through our Church and who my husband worked alongside.
Sadly, he passed within a day or two of my husband -- unexpected but understandable as he'd lost his wife, whom we also knew, just a few months before.
He was to be an honorary pall bearer because of his age -- in his mid nineties. I'm sure he was there in spirit.
As a second honorary pall bearer, I'd chosen a neighbor who moved into their house just months before we moved into ours and ironically his birthday was the same month and day as my husband's.
I remember going out to dinner with him and his wife (something we did very seldom) to celebrate their mutual birthday and to ask him to be our pediatrician for the daughter we were expecting -- our late in life blessing.
One was another friend from high school -- we'd become Godparents for their youngest son. And one was a friend he'd made in high school and kept through many moves around the country both on his part and on ours.
I remember being concerned about the last man because he'd just mentioned during the time we were together he'd had recent heart problems. I walked close to him at the cemetery and asked the funeral director to please walk nearby for help if it was needed.
Yes, many of those carrying my husband were close in age; some had health issues; he had seemed to be the healthiest of the group, actually.
I remember stopping by to visit my husband's grave so many times in the beginning. Then, I couldn't bear to visit because there was no headstone, no marker, no identity. I visit more infrequently now.
There are changes that must be made so we both can truly rest in peace.
Death can do more than take someone; it can cause others to act in ways that are less than honorable.
I remember going back and watching as the site went from being a "new grave" to one that began to look the same as all the rest with grass growing, leaves blowing in the wind around the headstones, snow on the ground and the flowers, real and artificial, left to mark visits of those who loved and were loved.
We bury our dead but not our memories.
Death takes a mighty toll. Even when you believe you're in control, thinking and acting reasonably and responsibly, there is a form of "shock and awe" that surrounds you and envelopes your entire being.
Death changes so many things. Plans of people, their hopes and dreams and their wants.
So sorry for your loss is heard so many times in the beginning and then fades away.
We who remain are within a different time and place and we learn to adjust, to see the beauty again and to live the life we have looking forward while continuing to look back.
She, too, experienced this loss. Younger and without the secondary care giving for a parent, I saw her continue her busy life and move forward knowing the piece that was missing was being a wife as well as a mother athough she still had a son living at home as I had a daughter.
How long has it been since we've sat and talked like we did before she joined the "widow's club"?
As she started her journey, that solo time of working through life as it is becoming while staying the same through so many changes and adjustments, we moved apart.
Time passes differently now. Measured by other ways and means.
Trying to remember one of the last times I saw her. We've emailed a few times but haven't "come together" -- ships passing in the night, as the old saying goes.
Daughter and I went to the funeral. Funerals become more prominent in your memory when you have them close in your life even when they're not of your own family members.
We went to the cemetery. I was a little reluctant to go. It was the same cemetery where my husband was buried.
Memories of that day, of the procession from the hearse to his final resting place.
I'd chosen men from among his friends and people who walked with him in life: our two sons to represent our family and his continuation, his sister's youngest son to represent the family of his beginnings.
One man who went to college with him (and me) and we'd remet in a local service organization many years later.
I'd asked a much older man we'd known through our Church and who my husband worked alongside.
Sadly, he passed within a day or two of my husband -- unexpected but understandable as he'd lost his wife, whom we also knew, just a few months before.
He was to be an honorary pall bearer because of his age -- in his mid nineties. I'm sure he was there in spirit.
As a second honorary pall bearer, I'd chosen a neighbor who moved into their house just months before we moved into ours and ironically his birthday was the same month and day as my husband's.
I remember going out to dinner with him and his wife (something we did very seldom) to celebrate their mutual birthday and to ask him to be our pediatrician for the daughter we were expecting -- our late in life blessing.
One was another friend from high school -- we'd become Godparents for their youngest son. And one was a friend he'd made in high school and kept through many moves around the country both on his part and on ours.
I remember being concerned about the last man because he'd just mentioned during the time we were together he'd had recent heart problems. I walked close to him at the cemetery and asked the funeral director to please walk nearby for help if it was needed.
Yes, many of those carrying my husband were close in age; some had health issues; he had seemed to be the healthiest of the group, actually.
I remember stopping by to visit my husband's grave so many times in the beginning. Then, I couldn't bear to visit because there was no headstone, no marker, no identity. I visit more infrequently now.
There are changes that must be made so we both can truly rest in peace.
Death can do more than take someone; it can cause others to act in ways that are less than honorable.
I remember going back and watching as the site went from being a "new grave" to one that began to look the same as all the rest with grass growing, leaves blowing in the wind around the headstones, snow on the ground and the flowers, real and artificial, left to mark visits of those who loved and were loved.
We bury our dead but not our memories.
Death takes a mighty toll. Even when you believe you're in control, thinking and acting reasonably and responsibly, there is a form of "shock and awe" that surrounds you and envelopes your entire being.
Death changes so many things. Plans of people, their hopes and dreams and their wants.
So sorry for your loss is heard so many times in the beginning and then fades away.
We who remain are within a different time and place and we learn to adjust, to see the beauty again and to live the life we have looking forward while continuing to look back.
Friday, June 12, 2015
LIght and Darkness: Social Gatherings Bring Joy and Pain
On Sunday, we'll celebrate Father's Day. As some things do, I've just truly realized the depth of loss on this day knowing my sons and daughter no longer have a father to honor on this day. No grandfathers, either.
The gauntlet has been passed, as I mentioned in an earlier blog post about attending funerals and how we seem to "move up" closer to the front and then into the front row as those dear to us move away from us and onward.
Another wave of realization came over me just last weekend.
Arriving at an annual dinner function to honor a special member of the group, I looked for people I knew but saw infrequently.
Usually seated at a table with parents from my sons classes, I look forward to catching up on what the "kids" are doing, where they're living, families, etc.
I missed last year's event and was looking forward to this one to see people who once were so important in our daily lives.
Moving around the room in the pre dinner socializing, I saw one of my son's teachers, a woman I'd admired but not kept touch with over the years. She came up to me and we started to "catch up".
What a difference a year or a little more can make!
She told me she'd never heard of MRSA before we spoke at the last gathering.
Then came the shocker when she told me her husband was diagnosed with MRSA and survived only a few months. I'd at least had my husband longer than that.
I'm not sure but believe we're close in age so to hear her tragedy mirroring my own, I felt the loss of my husband, again, knowing she'd also lost hers.
When you experience what is seen as a "rare" disease causing death, you feel isolated, you feel "different".
Cancer, heart disease and other "afflictions", people grasp, they "know about" and they somewhat share your challenges. Not so with those diseases or afflictions we've been through, the MRSA and the Lewy Body Dementia.
We still get puzzled looks and questions.
Many people politely listen and then offer their condolences but I don't think they believe their lives can also be affected by these killers.
Now, I'd found someone who had been a very close part of my life, of our family's life, a teacher who left an indelible mark in our youngest son's life through the ways she helped him along the way, who knew my pain, my suffering and my loss.
I wish she didn't, I wish she hadn't had to endure and I wish her husband had not had to go through those times I know he had.
Turning to find another "old" acquaintance, we started talking. She had sons in my son's classes.
Then came the second wave of shock and awe, as I learned about another mother, of a son in my oldest's sons' class and someone I'd worked with. The last year I'd attended, I was seated next to her with her husband beside her and her youngest son, a close school friend of my oldest, and his wife also at our table.
Now, I'm listening to the tragedy of another life unfold through the voice of another Mom from our class.
A little over a year ago, this Mom, with whom I'd talked and who I somewhat envied because she was with her husband and life seemed so "normal" while I was just beginning to return to some of the things I "used to do" and places I would "usually go" with my husband or my mother, had experienced in less than two years tragedies mirroring yet surpassing my own.
Flashback.
The first year I attended this event, I felt so strange. A part of me was missing, my husband.
We were a pair, a couple, together even when far across a room or standing talking with a group away from one another.
This place had been our "second home" with our sons for eight years. We'd worked side by side and with others to develop and grow so many programs and possibilities.
At the many functions we attended together, some in this same area, I was usually the one "abandoned" as my sociable husband "worked the crowd".
I remember those first business meetings when I was so young and he was "climbing the corporate ladder".
He didn't intentionally "leave me"; he'd just get involved and like a wave on the sea, as the person he was with and he moved to join someone else, there was a rippling effect as he moved farther and farther away until I lost direct sight of him.
Sometimes, when we traveled for his business, he'd be in meetings and ask me to meet him at a pre-function where I'd find hundreds of people and where I was often one of the few females in attendance.
In a sea of men, you'd think it would be easy to find your husband but it's not, especially when they're all dressed similarly either in jackets with dress shirts and ties or business suits.
I always felt more "whole" when I found him and somewhat lost when I couldn't.
Fast Forward
Now I was listening to the story of someone whose life paralleled mine but moved in a direction I am most grateful has not been my fate.
However, I often wonder what life would have been like without my daughter, so often a source of strength and continuity.
Oh, we have our times, life is like that, but we have the same mother/daughter relationship I was so fortunate to have with my mother. That's why when I found out "late in life" I was expecting again I was overjoyed with the possibility and then the confirmation I was expecting a girl, a daughter,
But I digress.
My "old friend" with whom I'd lost touch as we often do when we move in different directions after leaving a group, had lost her youngest son to an accident while he was travelling out of the country. She'd had two sons, just as we had, their oldest being in the same class as our oldest.
Within just a few months that followed this tragedy, her husband passed. We had slightly longer, our double family tragedy lasted through many medical challenges and diseases that moved slower.
Now, I'm told, she's had a stroke and is living in an Assisted Living facility.
Two stories of loss and extreme change. It comes with age, many would say. No. Just another episode in life.
I remember losses and medical challenges along this life's journey.
The cousin with recurring Breast cancer and finally getting a double mastectomy.
A cousin whose mother died of Ovarian Cancer and she was thinking of having a hysterectomy when she suddenly passed totally unexpected of an Aneurysm.
A nephew's wife killed in a car accident followed within a little over a year by his own death in a car accident and suddenly our becoming Guardians of a little girl, their daughter, just a couple of weeks older than our own daughter.
The stories were many. The stories were varied. The losses were great and they weren't always after lengthy or long lives.
Light and Darkness. Joy and Pain. Life and Death. In many variations we move together, apart and back again as we weave this fabric of ourselves.
The gauntlet has been passed, as I mentioned in an earlier blog post about attending funerals and how we seem to "move up" closer to the front and then into the front row as those dear to us move away from us and onward.
Another wave of realization came over me just last weekend.
Arriving at an annual dinner function to honor a special member of the group, I looked for people I knew but saw infrequently.
Usually seated at a table with parents from my sons classes, I look forward to catching up on what the "kids" are doing, where they're living, families, etc.
I missed last year's event and was looking forward to this one to see people who once were so important in our daily lives.
Moving around the room in the pre dinner socializing, I saw one of my son's teachers, a woman I'd admired but not kept touch with over the years. She came up to me and we started to "catch up".
What a difference a year or a little more can make!
She told me she'd never heard of MRSA before we spoke at the last gathering.
Then came the shocker when she told me her husband was diagnosed with MRSA and survived only a few months. I'd at least had my husband longer than that.
I'm not sure but believe we're close in age so to hear her tragedy mirroring my own, I felt the loss of my husband, again, knowing she'd also lost hers.
When you experience what is seen as a "rare" disease causing death, you feel isolated, you feel "different".
Cancer, heart disease and other "afflictions", people grasp, they "know about" and they somewhat share your challenges. Not so with those diseases or afflictions we've been through, the MRSA and the Lewy Body Dementia.
We still get puzzled looks and questions.
Many people politely listen and then offer their condolences but I don't think they believe their lives can also be affected by these killers.
Now, I'd found someone who had been a very close part of my life, of our family's life, a teacher who left an indelible mark in our youngest son's life through the ways she helped him along the way, who knew my pain, my suffering and my loss.
I wish she didn't, I wish she hadn't had to endure and I wish her husband had not had to go through those times I know he had.
Turning to find another "old" acquaintance, we started talking. She had sons in my son's classes.
Then came the second wave of shock and awe, as I learned about another mother, of a son in my oldest's sons' class and someone I'd worked with. The last year I'd attended, I was seated next to her with her husband beside her and her youngest son, a close school friend of my oldest, and his wife also at our table.
Now, I'm listening to the tragedy of another life unfold through the voice of another Mom from our class.
A little over a year ago, this Mom, with whom I'd talked and who I somewhat envied because she was with her husband and life seemed so "normal" while I was just beginning to return to some of the things I "used to do" and places I would "usually go" with my husband or my mother, had experienced in less than two years tragedies mirroring yet surpassing my own.
Flashback.
The first year I attended this event, I felt so strange. A part of me was missing, my husband.
We were a pair, a couple, together even when far across a room or standing talking with a group away from one another.
This place had been our "second home" with our sons for eight years. We'd worked side by side and with others to develop and grow so many programs and possibilities.
At the many functions we attended together, some in this same area, I was usually the one "abandoned" as my sociable husband "worked the crowd".
I remember those first business meetings when I was so young and he was "climbing the corporate ladder".
He didn't intentionally "leave me"; he'd just get involved and like a wave on the sea, as the person he was with and he moved to join someone else, there was a rippling effect as he moved farther and farther away until I lost direct sight of him.
Sometimes, when we traveled for his business, he'd be in meetings and ask me to meet him at a pre-function where I'd find hundreds of people and where I was often one of the few females in attendance.
In a sea of men, you'd think it would be easy to find your husband but it's not, especially when they're all dressed similarly either in jackets with dress shirts and ties or business suits.
I always felt more "whole" when I found him and somewhat lost when I couldn't.
Fast Forward
Now I was listening to the story of someone whose life paralleled mine but moved in a direction I am most grateful has not been my fate.
However, I often wonder what life would have been like without my daughter, so often a source of strength and continuity.
Oh, we have our times, life is like that, but we have the same mother/daughter relationship I was so fortunate to have with my mother. That's why when I found out "late in life" I was expecting again I was overjoyed with the possibility and then the confirmation I was expecting a girl, a daughter,
But I digress.
My "old friend" with whom I'd lost touch as we often do when we move in different directions after leaving a group, had lost her youngest son to an accident while he was travelling out of the country. She'd had two sons, just as we had, their oldest being in the same class as our oldest.
Within just a few months that followed this tragedy, her husband passed. We had slightly longer, our double family tragedy lasted through many medical challenges and diseases that moved slower.
Now, I'm told, she's had a stroke and is living in an Assisted Living facility.
Two stories of loss and extreme change. It comes with age, many would say. No. Just another episode in life.
I remember losses and medical challenges along this life's journey.
The cousin with recurring Breast cancer and finally getting a double mastectomy.
A cousin whose mother died of Ovarian Cancer and she was thinking of having a hysterectomy when she suddenly passed totally unexpected of an Aneurysm.
A nephew's wife killed in a car accident followed within a little over a year by his own death in a car accident and suddenly our becoming Guardians of a little girl, their daughter, just a couple of weeks older than our own daughter.
The stories were many. The stories were varied. The losses were great and they weren't always after lengthy or long lives.
Light and Darkness. Joy and Pain. Life and Death. In many variations we move together, apart and back again as we weave this fabric of ourselves.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
As The Family Turns
Sitting in the Food Court at our local Mall waiting for the work day to begin. I have a couple of hours until my "shift" so I bring along our computer and look for other work possibilities while also finding time to add to this blog.
We, meaning my daughter and I, have built a life; a life after tremendous challenges, suffering and heartbreak leaving behind weights to adjust and some to remove as time passes. It's been our individual choice and our mutual choice.
Each morning I drive her to her class -- a long drive from our suburban home into the city-- and come back to work. Then I head out after my work day, most of it standing and trying to secure business for a job that relies on "bringing people through the door", returning for another round trip downtown/suburbia.
We have one car. Thanks to my youngest son. It's got a lot of miles, needs some frequent repairs but is reliable and I know we're fortunate to have that much needed transportation as it allows us the continued "privilege" of living in an area with less than adequate public transportation.
Yes, we are struggling to maintain that "privilege" of home ownership. We still have a sizeable mortgage and this recent opportunity for daughter has come at high increased cost in her not being able to work, a sizeable reduction in our income level and a huge increase in cost to commute and to stay in the program.
We realize it's only through more sacrifice and continuing seeking and stretching our time and our available resources to change life as we have known it for the past few years.
It's our ticket, we both believe, out of this "rut" we've fallen into since our life changing experiences of surviving after the severe and challenging medical challenges of my husband/her father and my mother/her grandmother.
Their 24/7 care giving needs were more than challenging but the added weight of the Undue Influence, the false reporting of Abuse by me (financial and emotional) and the complications of this reporting within our family unit, with Mom and with her LTC facility, were weights and measures of our ability to survive, our perseverance and our tenacity.
Lessons my mother taught me. Lessons my daughter is learning. Lessons that if I'd not learned alongside my mother during our earlier life's trials and tribulations, I would possibly have given up, given in and "thrown in the towel" a long time ago.
But I haven't, I won't and I believe it would be detrimental to follow directives and demands placed on us by some family members who have no vested nor other interest in our well being and our lives. They walk away as they always have -- to their own lives.
Please don't believe you understand the daily life of a caregiver until you've spent days, weeks and months in complete survival mode; from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day not knowing what's next, what will happen, what additional decision you must make and who will sit in judgement on you next without any concern for what is really going on in your life, with those you love and with you.
It was a bone of contention with my oldest son who was adamant we should sell our home of many years after my husband's death. Why did we need it? This from a son who told me in the months following his father's death about his greatest decision being purchasing properties and then renting them out.
I found it interesting he saw value in holding other properties but felt we should move out of the home we'd had for decades and the potential for providing for my later years after serving as a home for the two of us.
When I watch my daughter work in the garden she created, when we see the flowers bloom my husband and I worked so long and hard on to cultivate; when the same animals return, build nests and raise young, we are both given renewed strength of self and purpose. But to my son, this means nothing.
This son needs validation far beyond what I can provide. The road we've walked down together included many challenges and self inflicted damages.
Life changes and moves forward but without the healing of resolution and taking responsibility, the same errors and omissions, the same challenges and barriers emerge in new and continuing ways.
No, this son has turned his back. He can't face earlier times, earlier decisions he made and actions he took. He walks away as he turns to blame me, to blame us, for any problems or challenges in his life.
We live in the Midwest and he lives on the East Coast. In any given year it was maybe one time we made the drive to visit him but seldom he made the drive to visit us.
"We" included his aging Grandmother and that meant five people; we couldn't afford air tickets for all, so we drove and that was more than an 11 hour trip. For this son, it was the two of them and then children added every couple of years until there were three.
I realize the challenges for them; we drove cross country early in our lives to visit grandparents; we made the trip out of love and one year made it twice within a few months because one grandparent became hospitalized.
When his father was so sick, there was only one time he came to visit and his "help" was to use the riding lawn mower we had to cut the grass and to put up a small piece of wood to repair a hole in our cedar siding.
Out of fairness, this son has chosen a different "work style" that includes working for short periods of time (relative to most other people who work for one company and many who stay employed with that company for at least a few years to several years). This did not provide the same "luxury" of travel and allow him, as it did his brother, to make plans that included "swinging through" our city on his way to work in others.
This son refers to himself as an "entrepreneur" although he doesn't, to my knowledge, make any personal investment, is salaried and isn't dependent, as we were as entrepreneurs, on ensuring we produced income or weren't paid.
At the end of the week or two, he gets a payroll check, we were dependent on when we received payment from commissions we generated as to when they were received and what was "left over" from paying bills or providing for the business operating expenses.
It's his choice, his way of living and working. I admit it concerns me as the years pass but he and his wife make their own decisions.
According to him, I'm not "business saavy" although my record proves otherwise. Unfortunately, he's chosen to slander me through false, misleading and deceptive statements and that has widened the gap between us.
He claims to have been "abused" and shared that claim via email. When I finally questioned this accusation, he said a business problem we had that caused legal action made abused him. Did his life change? Not at all. Did he give up anything, lose anything, did anything lessen for him? No. He continued to lead a privileged life including attending a prestigious college.
Our only mistake was not seeing how wealthy and powerful the corporation was we were involved in a contractual agreement with and the multi million dollar strength they had and the legal abilities they had. We challenged Goliath and unlike David, we lost the battle and paid a heavy price.
What did the son lose? Nothing. But then there are other "twists" on his life he blames me for in particular and his father as well. With his father's death, of course, he minimizes that involvement and maximizes mine. I'm around to point a finger at while his Dad has become a memory and not as good a target.
There's a lot this son has yet to learn and I do see life offering significant challenges that will either provide a lesson learned or lessons yet to learn.
As the family turns. Interesting. Families are like people in that the true measure of a person comes during the difficult times; anyone can handle good times.
Life moves forward. Finally. Hopefully. Baggage brought along is sometimes heavy and sometimes we lighten the load a bit.
We, meaning my daughter and I, have built a life; a life after tremendous challenges, suffering and heartbreak leaving behind weights to adjust and some to remove as time passes. It's been our individual choice and our mutual choice.
Each morning I drive her to her class -- a long drive from our suburban home into the city-- and come back to work. Then I head out after my work day, most of it standing and trying to secure business for a job that relies on "bringing people through the door", returning for another round trip downtown/suburbia.
We have one car. Thanks to my youngest son. It's got a lot of miles, needs some frequent repairs but is reliable and I know we're fortunate to have that much needed transportation as it allows us the continued "privilege" of living in an area with less than adequate public transportation.
Yes, we are struggling to maintain that "privilege" of home ownership. We still have a sizeable mortgage and this recent opportunity for daughter has come at high increased cost in her not being able to work, a sizeable reduction in our income level and a huge increase in cost to commute and to stay in the program.
We realize it's only through more sacrifice and continuing seeking and stretching our time and our available resources to change life as we have known it for the past few years.
It's our ticket, we both believe, out of this "rut" we've fallen into since our life changing experiences of surviving after the severe and challenging medical challenges of my husband/her father and my mother/her grandmother.
Their 24/7 care giving needs were more than challenging but the added weight of the Undue Influence, the false reporting of Abuse by me (financial and emotional) and the complications of this reporting within our family unit, with Mom and with her LTC facility, were weights and measures of our ability to survive, our perseverance and our tenacity.
Lessons my mother taught me. Lessons my daughter is learning. Lessons that if I'd not learned alongside my mother during our earlier life's trials and tribulations, I would possibly have given up, given in and "thrown in the towel" a long time ago.
But I haven't, I won't and I believe it would be detrimental to follow directives and demands placed on us by some family members who have no vested nor other interest in our well being and our lives. They walk away as they always have -- to their own lives.
Please don't believe you understand the daily life of a caregiver until you've spent days, weeks and months in complete survival mode; from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day not knowing what's next, what will happen, what additional decision you must make and who will sit in judgement on you next without any concern for what is really going on in your life, with those you love and with you.
It was a bone of contention with my oldest son who was adamant we should sell our home of many years after my husband's death. Why did we need it? This from a son who told me in the months following his father's death about his greatest decision being purchasing properties and then renting them out.
I found it interesting he saw value in holding other properties but felt we should move out of the home we'd had for decades and the potential for providing for my later years after serving as a home for the two of us.
When I watch my daughter work in the garden she created, when we see the flowers bloom my husband and I worked so long and hard on to cultivate; when the same animals return, build nests and raise young, we are both given renewed strength of self and purpose. But to my son, this means nothing.
This son needs validation far beyond what I can provide. The road we've walked down together included many challenges and self inflicted damages.
Life changes and moves forward but without the healing of resolution and taking responsibility, the same errors and omissions, the same challenges and barriers emerge in new and continuing ways.
No, this son has turned his back. He can't face earlier times, earlier decisions he made and actions he took. He walks away as he turns to blame me, to blame us, for any problems or challenges in his life.
We live in the Midwest and he lives on the East Coast. In any given year it was maybe one time we made the drive to visit him but seldom he made the drive to visit us.
"We" included his aging Grandmother and that meant five people; we couldn't afford air tickets for all, so we drove and that was more than an 11 hour trip. For this son, it was the two of them and then children added every couple of years until there were three.
I realize the challenges for them; we drove cross country early in our lives to visit grandparents; we made the trip out of love and one year made it twice within a few months because one grandparent became hospitalized.
When his father was so sick, there was only one time he came to visit and his "help" was to use the riding lawn mower we had to cut the grass and to put up a small piece of wood to repair a hole in our cedar siding.
Out of fairness, this son has chosen a different "work style" that includes working for short periods of time (relative to most other people who work for one company and many who stay employed with that company for at least a few years to several years). This did not provide the same "luxury" of travel and allow him, as it did his brother, to make plans that included "swinging through" our city on his way to work in others.
This son refers to himself as an "entrepreneur" although he doesn't, to my knowledge, make any personal investment, is salaried and isn't dependent, as we were as entrepreneurs, on ensuring we produced income or weren't paid.
At the end of the week or two, he gets a payroll check, we were dependent on when we received payment from commissions we generated as to when they were received and what was "left over" from paying bills or providing for the business operating expenses.
It's his choice, his way of living and working. I admit it concerns me as the years pass but he and his wife make their own decisions.
According to him, I'm not "business saavy" although my record proves otherwise. Unfortunately, he's chosen to slander me through false, misleading and deceptive statements and that has widened the gap between us.
He claims to have been "abused" and shared that claim via email. When I finally questioned this accusation, he said a business problem we had that caused legal action made abused him. Did his life change? Not at all. Did he give up anything, lose anything, did anything lessen for him? No. He continued to lead a privileged life including attending a prestigious college.
Our only mistake was not seeing how wealthy and powerful the corporation was we were involved in a contractual agreement with and the multi million dollar strength they had and the legal abilities they had. We challenged Goliath and unlike David, we lost the battle and paid a heavy price.
What did the son lose? Nothing. But then there are other "twists" on his life he blames me for in particular and his father as well. With his father's death, of course, he minimizes that involvement and maximizes mine. I'm around to point a finger at while his Dad has become a memory and not as good a target.
There's a lot this son has yet to learn and I do see life offering significant challenges that will either provide a lesson learned or lessons yet to learn.
As the family turns. Interesting. Families are like people in that the true measure of a person comes during the difficult times; anyone can handle good times.
Life moves forward. Finally. Hopefully. Baggage brought along is sometimes heavy and sometimes we lighten the load a bit.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Neglect and Retaliation: Reports and Current Experiences
Neglect and Abuse aren't limited to the Long Term Care Facilities and more importantly, there are NO FEDERAL OR STATE AUTHORITIES currently who have any way to monitor or enforce Individual Rights in other levels of facilities because this level is NOT subsidized by Medicaid or covered by Medicare.
Here's the resource: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/229299.pdf
It was a research project funded by a grant and finished/published in 2010. That's five years ago!
Direct quote from the beginning of the publication:
"This study focused on detection, investigation, and resolution of elder abuse and neglect complaints in what are known as residential care facilities (RCFs).
"These facilities are the most rapidly growing form of senior housing. This growth is a result both of the preferences of the elderly and their families and of public policy aimed at reducing nursing home use.
"RCFs are referred to by a variety of names across the states, including assisted living facilities, personal care homes, domiciliary care homes, adult congregate living facilities, adult care homes, and shelter care homes.
"The best estimate is that some 50,000 facilities nationwide house a mainly older population in between 900,000 and one million beds. In addition, an unknown number of unlicensed homes house a mixed population of poor older persons and individuals with mental illness. By contrast, there are about 17,000 nursing homes with 1.6 million residents."
Let's do the math of this "best estimate": 50,000 facilities/between 900,000 and one million beds in Residential Care/Assisted Living facilities AND 17,000 nursing homes with 1.6 million residents.
MORE THAN 2 MILLION PEOPLE IN 2010 in some form of "Assisted/Full" Service Living. 2010 was the year Mom was "entrapped" and went into the LTC system and began her almost four years of incidents of neglect, abuse and torment in the name of "Long Term Care".
"Purpose of the Study. The federal government does not regulate RCFs, so this study focused on examining state processes for detecting, investigating, resolving and preventing elder abuse in RCFs. In addition, we sought to identify smart practices that might be replicated in other settings."
Five years ago. The author(s) ... used Federal funds provided by the U.S. Department of Justice..." and prepared a report specifically citing problems, challenges and "smart practices".
What were their findings?
"Vulnerability of Residents. An extremely vulnerable population resides in RCFs, with a mix of advanced age, chronic disease and disability, and social isolation. An estimated 87 percent of residents are not married, while 27 percent have no living family members, and many residents are poor.
"Many are cognitively impaired, while others have intellectual disabilities or persistent and severe mental illness, and some exhibit challenging behaviors. These characteristics make it difficult for residents to safeguard their own interests.
"Numerous studies suggest that cognitive impairment, behavioral symptoms, and limitations in activities of daily living (ADLs) increase an elder‟s risk for physical, sexual or psychological abuse.
"In addition, several studies have found that RCF residents suffer from chronic diseases, and such diseases or conditions are often misdiagnosed or “under-treated.”
"Such residents may be at risk for abuse because of their level of impairment, but as importantly, they face significant risk of neglect that may lead to premature mortality or increased morbidity."
INTERESTING. Sounds like what I've been writing about for several months only this comes from a report written in 2010 and written through a Grant to "investigate" Residential Care Facilities, not Long Term Care Facilities.
Listen up, Missouri and many of you other States who've enacted "Ombudsmen" programs as "mediators for Long Term Care Residents" and rely, as stated on the Missouri www.voyce.com website and on the Missouri DHSS website:
The published report above clearly states a high percentage of residents of facilities where they have more capabilities cannot communicate or represent their needs adequately yet Missouri publicly states these individuals are expected to contact the Ombudsman office directly.
Check out the Voyce site for Missouri, it clearly sends the message Seniors can "use the site" to connect -- yet how many in Long Term Care or any Residential Care Facility have access without supervision of a computer, their own private password OR CAN EVEN USE A COMPUTER?
Justification for the inability to provide services promoted to be provided by a federally mandated "watch dog" for Long Term Care Facilities due to "lack of volunteers" does not protect Senior lives.
How about hiring a someone with a degree in Geriatrics and practicing Social Worker and possibly also has an RN degree to make unannounced visits around the area interviewing "at random" residents of all abilities with a set list of questions about the realities of "Long Term Care Living".
Of course, we'd have to have a process through which these concerns can be made and a significant way to correct all findings. The DHSS can't seem to make it happen as they're limited, or so it seems, to one or two annual visits and then to some "unknown" systems and procedures for following up on any reports they receive.
WHAT ARE THOSE SYSTEMS AND PROCEDURES? I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THOSE FOR ALMOST FOUR YEARS.
How about creating a real list of questions about possible Neglect and how about interviewing families of Long Term Care residents -- there are quite a few despite the claims made most Seniors have no one.
Many of us "take under our wings" others whom we meet in these facilities and could easily provide information about neglect and abuse but have no "legal power" as a "friend".
We all need concerned friends. We all need caring "neighbors" and "visitors" walking the halls of LTC's.
And, when, as we've experienced, an "employee" of an LTC admonishes us for "walking around" or "visiting someone other than whom we came to visit", there oughta be a law, a report form, a means to share this "information" about a facility that apparently doesn't want eyes that see and ears that listen to share neglect, abuse and just plain old poor work ethics to be shared and exposed.
HERE'S AN UPDATE on an earlier blog entry about the discriminatory practice at two earlier holiday meals where friends and family, for a set price, could eat with their family members who were residents of Mom's old LTC facility.
Well, at least this Mother's Day the lady I'd mentioned in another entry who was turned away from the main dining area of Mom's old facility was "accommodated".
That's the word for it -- accommodated. They put her and another resident (a fully mobile, walking, resident) in a side room that was set up with additional tables and chairs. Separate but equal, as they used to say.
Then, I saw a man, in a wheelchair, by himself, no visitors or family for the dining experience come in or be brought in (can't remember) and seated at a table by himself.
I understand. Some might have liked the "separate" dining experience but there was more than enough vacant seats and tables at the "first dining" we experienced for the two ladies yet they were left by themselves and had been told that was where they would eat.
People, including me, had "spoken up" about how she was treated.
The facility "accommodated" but for those of us who remember other "separate but equal" facilities including water fountains, restrooms, restaurants, etc., this "arrangement" was not right, it wasn't just and it was discriminatory decades after the marches and the protests.
There was room for all, for the few who always come to dinner in this dining room, in this place they call their "home" and where they are the few, the select who haven't lost the ability to communicate, to feed themselves, to "dine" with others and be "social" or not as they choose.
It brings tears to my eyes now to see so well how there is a separation, a segregation. I can understand now how Mom was adamant about NOT eating in the area "on the floor" as that was the place where those who were "less competent" and "less capable" were taken to dine.
So, she pushed herself. When she still had her walker, before the facility decided it was best "removed", she'd make herself take that long walk down the halls to the elevator and then the walk into the Main Dining Room.
She pushed herself. Rolling her wheelchair when no one would help her. Struggling to get to the place where she, still capable of thinking, talking and being a part of "regular life" to whatever degree remained of her brain being continually assaulted by Lewy Body Dementia, could be as "normal" as possible in this place she told me she never wanted to go.
I didn't want you to go either, Mama. I made a continual place in my life for you and so did my beloved husband. You were a part of our family for almost forty years. We were a part of your life.
Our lives were intertwined and we were happy, content and lived a life many others envied while a few sought to find "abominable". Sad for those few. We know the love we shared as a multi generational family. We cared about each other and for one another.
Age Discrimination is alive and well.
Ability Discrimination is alive and well.
Power & position are still wielded by those who have it.
Happy Mother's Day (again) even though you're not with us for the second year, Mama, you're in our thoughts and you live on in us in all we do because of who you were.
Here's the resource: https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/229299.pdf
It was a research project funded by a grant and finished/published in 2010. That's five years ago!
Direct quote from the beginning of the publication:
"This study focused on detection, investigation, and resolution of elder abuse and neglect complaints in what are known as residential care facilities (RCFs).
"These facilities are the most rapidly growing form of senior housing. This growth is a result both of the preferences of the elderly and their families and of public policy aimed at reducing nursing home use.
"RCFs are referred to by a variety of names across the states, including assisted living facilities, personal care homes, domiciliary care homes, adult congregate living facilities, adult care homes, and shelter care homes.
"The best estimate is that some 50,000 facilities nationwide house a mainly older population in between 900,000 and one million beds. In addition, an unknown number of unlicensed homes house a mixed population of poor older persons and individuals with mental illness. By contrast, there are about 17,000 nursing homes with 1.6 million residents."
Let's do the math of this "best estimate": 50,000 facilities/between 900,000 and one million beds in Residential Care/Assisted Living facilities AND 17,000 nursing homes with 1.6 million residents.
MORE THAN 2 MILLION PEOPLE IN 2010 in some form of "Assisted/Full" Service Living. 2010 was the year Mom was "entrapped" and went into the LTC system and began her almost four years of incidents of neglect, abuse and torment in the name of "Long Term Care".
"Purpose of the Study. The federal government does not regulate RCFs, so this study focused on examining state processes for detecting, investigating, resolving and preventing elder abuse in RCFs. In addition, we sought to identify smart practices that might be replicated in other settings."
Five years ago. The author(s) ... used Federal funds provided by the U.S. Department of Justice..." and prepared a report specifically citing problems, challenges and "smart practices".
What were their findings?
"Vulnerability of Residents. An extremely vulnerable population resides in RCFs, with a mix of advanced age, chronic disease and disability, and social isolation. An estimated 87 percent of residents are not married, while 27 percent have no living family members, and many residents are poor.
"Many are cognitively impaired, while others have intellectual disabilities or persistent and severe mental illness, and some exhibit challenging behaviors. These characteristics make it difficult for residents to safeguard their own interests.
"Numerous studies suggest that cognitive impairment, behavioral symptoms, and limitations in activities of daily living (ADLs) increase an elder‟s risk for physical, sexual or psychological abuse.
"In addition, several studies have found that RCF residents suffer from chronic diseases, and such diseases or conditions are often misdiagnosed or “under-treated.”
"Such residents may be at risk for abuse because of their level of impairment, but as importantly, they face significant risk of neglect that may lead to premature mortality or increased morbidity."
INTERESTING. Sounds like what I've been writing about for several months only this comes from a report written in 2010 and written through a Grant to "investigate" Residential Care Facilities, not Long Term Care Facilities.
Listen up, Missouri and many of you other States who've enacted "Ombudsmen" programs as "mediators for Long Term Care Residents" and rely, as stated on the Missouri www.voyce.com website and on the Missouri DHSS website:
The published report above clearly states a high percentage of residents of facilities where they have more capabilities cannot communicate or represent their needs adequately yet Missouri publicly states these individuals are expected to contact the Ombudsman office directly.
Check out the Voyce site for Missouri, it clearly sends the message Seniors can "use the site" to connect -- yet how many in Long Term Care or any Residential Care Facility have access without supervision of a computer, their own private password OR CAN EVEN USE A COMPUTER?
Justification for the inability to provide services promoted to be provided by a federally mandated "watch dog" for Long Term Care Facilities due to "lack of volunteers" does not protect Senior lives.
How about hiring a someone with a degree in Geriatrics and practicing Social Worker and possibly also has an RN degree to make unannounced visits around the area interviewing "at random" residents of all abilities with a set list of questions about the realities of "Long Term Care Living".
Of course, we'd have to have a process through which these concerns can be made and a significant way to correct all findings. The DHSS can't seem to make it happen as they're limited, or so it seems, to one or two annual visits and then to some "unknown" systems and procedures for following up on any reports they receive.
WHAT ARE THOSE SYSTEMS AND PROCEDURES? I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THOSE FOR ALMOST FOUR YEARS.
How about creating a real list of questions about possible Neglect and how about interviewing families of Long Term Care residents -- there are quite a few despite the claims made most Seniors have no one.
Many of us "take under our wings" others whom we meet in these facilities and could easily provide information about neglect and abuse but have no "legal power" as a "friend".
We all need concerned friends. We all need caring "neighbors" and "visitors" walking the halls of LTC's.
And, when, as we've experienced, an "employee" of an LTC admonishes us for "walking around" or "visiting someone other than whom we came to visit", there oughta be a law, a report form, a means to share this "information" about a facility that apparently doesn't want eyes that see and ears that listen to share neglect, abuse and just plain old poor work ethics to be shared and exposed.
HERE'S AN UPDATE on an earlier blog entry about the discriminatory practice at two earlier holiday meals where friends and family, for a set price, could eat with their family members who were residents of Mom's old LTC facility.
Well, at least this Mother's Day the lady I'd mentioned in another entry who was turned away from the main dining area of Mom's old facility was "accommodated".
That's the word for it -- accommodated. They put her and another resident (a fully mobile, walking, resident) in a side room that was set up with additional tables and chairs. Separate but equal, as they used to say.
Then, I saw a man, in a wheelchair, by himself, no visitors or family for the dining experience come in or be brought in (can't remember) and seated at a table by himself.
I understand. Some might have liked the "separate" dining experience but there was more than enough vacant seats and tables at the "first dining" we experienced for the two ladies yet they were left by themselves and had been told that was where they would eat.
People, including me, had "spoken up" about how she was treated.
The facility "accommodated" but for those of us who remember other "separate but equal" facilities including water fountains, restrooms, restaurants, etc., this "arrangement" was not right, it wasn't just and it was discriminatory decades after the marches and the protests.
There was room for all, for the few who always come to dinner in this dining room, in this place they call their "home" and where they are the few, the select who haven't lost the ability to communicate, to feed themselves, to "dine" with others and be "social" or not as they choose.
It brings tears to my eyes now to see so well how there is a separation, a segregation. I can understand now how Mom was adamant about NOT eating in the area "on the floor" as that was the place where those who were "less competent" and "less capable" were taken to dine.
So, she pushed herself. When she still had her walker, before the facility decided it was best "removed", she'd make herself take that long walk down the halls to the elevator and then the walk into the Main Dining Room.
She pushed herself. Rolling her wheelchair when no one would help her. Struggling to get to the place where she, still capable of thinking, talking and being a part of "regular life" to whatever degree remained of her brain being continually assaulted by Lewy Body Dementia, could be as "normal" as possible in this place she told me she never wanted to go.
I didn't want you to go either, Mama. I made a continual place in my life for you and so did my beloved husband. You were a part of our family for almost forty years. We were a part of your life.
Our lives were intertwined and we were happy, content and lived a life many others envied while a few sought to find "abominable". Sad for those few. We know the love we shared as a multi generational family. We cared about each other and for one another.
Age Discrimination is alive and well.
Ability Discrimination is alive and well.
Power & position are still wielded by those who have it.
Happy Mother's Day (again) even though you're not with us for the second year, Mama, you're in our thoughts and you live on in us in all we do because of who you were.