Last Rites For Carol

Today is Monday,June 4, 2019. 

Carol passed through this life on Sunday, May 26, 2019,  Aged 72 and just three days before her 73rd birthday.

My last entry I was preparing to leave to visit her. It was Carol's birthday and I felt like I was in "jello" all that day -- a feeling I'd described in earlier writings after my husband passed and my mother.

Time seemed to stand still. I was moving but something was "different". I had no idea what awaited me and even though it was "expected", the cruelty, the thoughtlessness, the didn't seem to give a D... of the facility for Carol as a person, who lived, loved, cared about ... not in their range of humanity.

I'd asked someone to call me from the facility if she passed because I thought they might not let me know but I didn't want to believe they could be so thoughtless, so heartless, of Carol and of my daughter and I.

She didn't.  No one did. No call, no note, nothing.

I went totally unprepared socially and emotionally for the empty bed, the half cleaned out room yet so many "things" of Carol's still in the room, on shelves, on walls. 

I carried a potted yellow chrysanthemum -- another plant that would survive less watering and attention as staff usually ignored and allowed them to die -- like the people.

I can't describe the shock of not seeing her in the bed, usually starring straight ahead, a TV constantly on -- made that way by staff who usually closed the door, drew the curtain between the two beds (hers and her roommate's). She watched whatever they chose. No one to talk to; no one sitting with her. Alone. Isolated.

We had to ask about her. ASK about "the obvious" yet the totally shocking and unexpected discovery of the empty bed, the empty room -- her roommate.....did she pass also?

Walking out. Down the hall. Noticing so many residents sitting in the area where they're now fed. Unusual. There haven't been this many since months before Carol's move into Hospice within her regular room.

Always when visiting over the past nine months or so the residents have been in their rooms, almost all in their beds, asleep or in a dazed state. I've tried to "visit" but they've been beyond just as Carol was.

I believed then and I believe now they were all over drugged to accomodate the choice of the facility to have "low" rates of caregivers and hold down costs.

It will take time for me to adjust to this passing. Yes, it was inevitable because no one stepped in, no person cared enough or thought enough about ensuring the well being and health of someone "that age" -- which is really not old by today's standards.

Carol had become too expensive and she'd found her voice which was even more costly to a facility.

Did I mention when I arrived there was a new "face" at the Reception Desk? I struck up a conversation before going up to Carol's room -- before I knew she'd passed.

A lady I'd not seen before. Turns out she was someone who cleaned the rooms during the day and now was "extending" her shift by another four or more hours, total of at least 12, by sitting at the reception desk.

Where have all the "regulars" gone?  Or have they seen enough or were they "substituted" so as not to be able to see, to talk, to share their concerns?

I have other life responsibilities but I cannot set aside my concerns over the lives of people who enter a place to live only to be reduced to dependency and then dying under strange circumstances.

We Hear Your Silent Cries For Help, Carol

Seventy three today. Your life has taken many turns. 

Your only child, a son, died within hours after birth. 

No family except a cousin who lives halfway across the country.

I took you to the Tatoo Parlor Christmas before last to have a beautiful Monarch butterfly with your son's name and birthdate put on your left arm, not too far from your heart, which has always held him close. 

It was your fondest and greatest wish to do for years. 

I barely had saved enough money since the challenges we faced after going through my husband and Mom's medical, physical and challenging end of life stories.... but using it to give you a piece of happiness was well worth it all.

We met by chance when I moved Mom from one facility to another. 

It was meant to be. 

We grew to know you and found many common bonds .....even our attending the same college. 

I remember all the times we asked you to join us when we brought picnic lunches to the facility to give Mom a change from the food that was far from palatable but you and she had no other choices .

We took you out to dinner -- I remember how much you wanted a steak and how we saved for a long time to give you that "wish" while we shared a far less costly item on the menu.

I took you to Dr appointments and shopping at The Dollar Store.

Like for my Mom, we found ways to "make it happen" even when both daughter and I were using a very old car, gas was a luxury and a quarter was like finding a five dollar bill.

We were struggling, daughter and I, to find a way to keep our home, to find work that paid more than minimum wage, me because of my age and daughter because she left college when I needed help and there was no way to pay the college tuition and costs. 

We attended your concerts with the Meadowlarks... a singing group you were so happy to be a part of. 

We encouraged you as you took piano lessons..a gift of another friend. 

We spent every Holiday with you at family dining events as the only "outside" friends -- up to last Christmas. 

We continued to visit you after Mom passed in January 2014.

The facility cancelled Easter -- they said they didn't have enough people interested. 

We came to visit with you and remembered the times when you wore "ears" and handed out plastic Easter eggs to everyone. 

Now we play music for you to remind you of earlier times and esp Patsy Kline who you loved to listen to.

We came for Mother's Day. You had just thrown up. Interesting.....

They told us this day you had thrown up when we last visited and you consumed a small milk shake.

They knew we were coming and had signed up for the dining room.

Why would you have "just been fed"?

They didn't want to put you into the special chair, the one that's far more costly.....

They didn't want others to see you, Carol.

They close your door, they pull your curtain.

They isolate you. They don't have the courage to show the world what they're capable of doing so they hide it (you) from view.

Yet,we saw two or three others in these very expensive chairs in the dining room being fed by a family member.

So many people go through this facility so much faster than they used to. They come in walking, many of them. Within days now, instead of the weeks it used to take, they're in wheel chairs. Then you don't see them. They're "bedridden".

HOW MUCH DRUG INDUCED PHYSICAL LIMITATION IS GOING ON HERE?

Didn't think of it then but now ..... how coincidental you get "sick" from "overeating" just as we arrive for the Mother's Day Family event we were all going to attend.

You love celebrations. You love people. You were the "belle" of the facility....you knew everyone and everyone knew you.

Now you're alone. Isolated in a room with a woman who is either out for long periods of time --drug induced I'm sure because when she's awake, she wants to "do" things and is constantly calling out for someone, anyone, to come to her room---she needs social contact and she has the capability to want to do things.

Both of you are being silenced. 

You more strenuously than her but she's so "demure" as they used to say, so compliant. 

And the facility?  So uncaring.  

They give her cups with no lids and no straw and so she spills everything and no one comes, no one knows. 

Her call button, like yours, is on the floor, under the bed, disconnected or some way "not usable". 

And she, drugged enough to be "compliant" and "docile" doesn't always realize she's spilled something.

They give you 

Glasses and cups and you can't use your hands.

A very small boxed liquid "Boost" which tastes like chalk (I know because my husband was given this in the LTC he had to go to for rehab after 100 days in the hospital) -- unopened,

They leave the food.  It's not hot/warm when it arrives. 

It looks like excrement from your body.

Green, brown, orangy yellow.  

Foods you wouldn't choose if you could.

I remember the "conversation" from the CNA who criticized me on our last visit .....

 "How could I treat her this way? She cared for my mother."

Imagine the facility has put everyone "on alert" as they've been visited by the DHSS and have compliances to do.

Typical fashion they will appear to "tow the mark" for however long they feel is needed and then rapidly reinstate all the practices harming the residents and hindering anyone from having a "life" beyond what THEY determine is financially feasible for THEM.

How can she and the others who have worked in this facility for a long time not be whistleblowers?

How can they, each day, watch the negligence and abuse -- for a paycheck? 

If that is where we are as a society, where we believe we "have" to work in abusive situations, we're losing more of our freedoms each day.

It's really hard for me to visit. My hands are tied. I see chemical restraint and neglect and yes, abuse and reporting it really does little good. 

Drug companies are being sued for their part in building distribution of the same or similar drugs to what has been prescribed for Carol.

How about Doctors who do this? 

Why are we holding this "profession" above the law?  

What about LTC's who use drugs as a means of "control" to lower "costs" and have less "hassle"?

Who will speak for our Seniors?

Who will care about those whose voices are being taken away, silenced?

I'm coming, my friend. I will put on a face. 
I have no voice. No one seems to be listening.

I know. ...You deserve better. 

Everyone at the facility deserves safety, security, quality care and being free from restraints -- especially drug induced control of mind and body.

READERS:  Please read the entry prior to this one dated
May 26, 2019.

The Choice Is Yours, You Make The Choice

Some words and phrases have lives of their own.

"It's a choice. You make (have ) the choice." 

Two sentences. Very few words. 

A single word, "choice", that changes dramatically when the words "you make" or "you have" precede it.

Simple word "choice" and no real negativity implied .... until you're placed in a life situation where the "circumstances" surrounding and possibly implementing this word can hurt, harm or even destroy life as you know it.

Unbelievably powerful statement especially when "choice" is not between "which choice to make" but "if", "what" and "when" a "choice" is made.

There can be deep and life affecting interpretation based on who you are, where you live, how you live and what you interpret these statements to mean.  

In this case, the words keep resounding in my mind as I move through life and am faced with decisions, many of them until very recently, considered to be not capable of considering let alone having to decide between or among.

Life has changed. The resounding and ringing in my ears applies to today and often interupts my forward movement as it conjers up the harsh and destructive spoken and written words by some for the "choices" we were making and made.

A heavy burden I try to lay down, try to set aside and sometimes succeed. It remains, however, and is taken on sometimes unknowingly and sometimes undesired through words and actions about "choices" then and now.

The person making the statement has known a life of privilege from birth through adulthood.They deserve what they have and work hard to get and keep it.

The person, me, this was said to, also was privileged for several years, but tried to teach the lesson of walking in another's shoes before determining how they should walk. 

I knew personal sacrifice; making decisions when the "choices" were not what was wanted. I had good training. I know I passed that along to my youngest as we walked the path together and made the sacrifices together through the choices we made.

We grow accustomed to privilege. 

We grow accustomed to any move beyond where we've been. 

It's the coming down, let alone the crashing, that few understand.

It's the not seeing that for some, life doesn't  provide opportunities, possibilities and the doors opening without challenges and consequences.

Or, that life interupts, interferes or just simply doesn't move past where we think we want to be, want to go or want to do.

Does this person have major life challenges? Quite a few.

What they've not had is everything or almost everything removed, taken away or needed to provide for those they love and not able to replace or even substitute. 

Major life interruptions; major life changes remove the "choice" from the "change".

Moving up and down the scale of "privilege" isn't always a choice. Sometimes the ascent or descent is more of a spinning than a climb and sometimes the inability to fully control movement isn't within your scope of ability or action.

Sometimes it's life's way of providing situations to learn and then to teach; to experience and to remember and reflect clearer than we could have without that first hand personal involvement.

For the two of us, we move forward ever learning from the past and the present.

The medical challenges, the harm done by others who found fault and the losses daily and cumulative, continue to be turning points in lives we live daily and have turned adversity into positive focuses.

Your life is and will be beyond the boundaries of the daily challenges and inability to see an end or even remember fully where the beginning actually was.

From your unique experiences you will find ways to beneift yourself and others.

You retain what others can not understand -- personal life changing experiences from a vantage point that cannot be bought or sold, cannot be moved into and out of just by getting up, moving away and on with your life. 

All I ask now is what I asked then....do not see my life or other's from your point of view. You have choices with few limitations or at least you have choices.

 I and others who have walked this path know life isn't about choices, it's about how you look at, how you handle life and what you do, as always, for others and for yourself that are the true Privileges & Choices in life.

Stepping Aside, Standing Up, The Waiting Game

Another life's journey walking this time with a friend down the path leading to.......

When should we "let go" and "just let it happen" even if we believe the journey should never had started, was a "push into" and is done with steps not of love but of getting tired of having to do?

DHSS WHERE ARE YOU?  So secretive. So sensitive. Hidden behind closed doors my friend labors through a fight she has no control over; she's given meds, heavy doses of antipsychotic drugs, all with claims "they're needed" and all with the "blessing" and "formal acceptable procedure" of a Dr writing the script allowing daily doses of multiple types. And the DHSS?  One female representative told us "If the Dr prescribed it, it's needed." REALLY?  Wonder how often she's resided in LTC?

WHERE ARE YOU, DEAR READER?  Why isn't there an outcry among the population? Do we really believe Dr's are "perfect" and "can do no harm"?

WHAT CENTURY ARE WE LIVING IN?  Dr's CONTROL medical situations in Long Term Care. They work FOR the facility; they're given the "appointment", they're "selected" by the Facility. So who do you think they please --- the patient, the family? THINK AGAIN.

Outside the walls, the windows and the doors our loved ones wait, watch while they can -- and know......they lose their ability to speak up, or it's made silent.

WHY?  Staffing. It's challenging to hear the calls of someone who NEEDS help. Sleeping or drugged in bed, their bodies lose fluids and solids and you can turn them when you have time and attend to changing them.....when you have time.

OVERWORKED. I hear that a great deal. WE'RE CAUSING CHALLENGES WITH OUR REPORTS.....our caring for and about those they agreed to care for.

COMMODITIES.  Valued for their worth?  If medicated, add that to the billing. Watch to see what's "allowed" and what's "devalued" in level of payment to the facility.

Even Non Profits have to keep their doors open and if this has to be done to one....or more...it is, after all, for the "common good", right?

DOLLARS AND NO SENSE as a measurement of human value 

But these are BUSINESSES.  Not For Profit or For Profit entities.

After all.....there's another "bus" coming along any minute.....Seniors are growing older every day and their numbers.....well, we've seen the Statistics.

It's the biggest opportunity out there and if you can make them another "SILENT MAJORITY".....you have a gold mine that just keeps giving.

HARSH?  UNFAIR?  NOT TRUE?  I wish. You should be doing more than wishing because we're all headed down that road and it's a fearful one.

Think you have enough money to get through it well?  Maybe. There are pitfalls most of us do not see, cannot see and won't see -- and we may not have anyone who really does or cares.

LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT?  Yes, it is. What will you do today to learn the truth, work for change and protect the most vulnerable of our society -- those in Long Term Care who are past the time of being "profitable" for the Long Term.

HOTLINE: Missouri Elderabuse -- Where Are They?

HOW BAD IS IT ... THE NUMBER OF MISSOURI ELDERS BEING ABUSED?

Judging from my attempts this afternoon to reach and report my friend's treatment in a Missouri Long Term Care Center either they have a very small staff to answer the phone OR their system can only hold so many calls.

I'm sitting on HOLD while music plays but it's taken me 7 attempts to dial, listen to the recording (a shortened form follows) and to be hung up on because apparently the "waiting line" was too long to hold any more calls.

Seven minutes into hold.  Music plays. I wait to be connected. Is this a matter of Life and Death? Of course it is. Is it one that warrants as the message directed to "Call 911" -- no.

Abuse can be severe and constant or it can be slow and steady and almost non noticeable because it's done so "professionally"

WHAT IS GOING ON?  This department is associated with the DHSS. We've heard about other "miscommunications" in this Department.

BACK ON HOLD....MORE BACKGROUND INFO...  so here I sit....10 more minutes go by ...not like I have nothing to do...business could be taken care of...trying to get away to visit Carol as I'm worried about her...

Are there so many calls the lines are all in use?  Are they short staffed?  Twenty minutes have gone by and I'm on a HOTLINE??????

Then the next message with the last statement that really upsets me

All staff are currently busy assisting other callers. We apologize for the inconvenience. Your call is very important to us.  Please call back at a later time so that we may assist you.

Isn't this an EMERGENCY LINE?  Who ever heard of calling back to an Emergency Line?

Maybe they should rename it and change the title from Elderabuse Hotline to Elderabuse Reporting Line.

I finally get through. List my concerns and hope someone will connect with me and follow through.

Time Will Tell.

DHSS: NOT Family Friendly

The day we told Mom we were taking her to her usual Day Care, which I'd spent a long time finding, a place she loved going to and enjoyed, and that someone from the Department of Health and Senior Services would be taking her somewhere to spend a couple of weeks or maybe more so she and we could have “respite”, she became verbally and even physically violent.

She screamed and pounded her fists on her chair. She said she "would not go"....:"you can't make me"....and she called me names I'd never heard my mother say...and we'd lived together for decades with only a few years apart.

I told her her Medicaid "Advisor" had suggested it. (This woman, however, had not given me her "other" card which gave her position as ":Adult Protective Worker". It was several weeks before I discovered she was far more than just a regular DHHS social worker and what she had in mind for Mom was not what I or Mom would have agreed to if we were told the truth.

She screamed accusing me of not taking care of her as I should; of spending her money; of taking her money; of not giving her several choices for breakfast; not giving her a shower every day as she wanted and so much more that didn’t make sense and all this was so different from the relationship we had and the way we lived.

Mom even accused my husband of being “jealous” of the time I spent with her. He who lay sick on a hospital bed in our once “family” room now unable to climb the steps as she still could. 

I Won’t Go. You Can’t Make Me. This Is My Home.

I  was so uninformed. I was so trusting. I believed the lies Julia told and the lies the DHSS "Medicaid" rep told me-- who was also an Adult Protective Worker  but she didn't disclose this fact until many months later.

Looking back I didn't see the Undue Influence of Julia that had been going on when every few weeks or so she'd come to our house and take Mom out -- Julia said "to help me out".

I thought she was a Saint -- taking communion to the elderly in Nursing Homes -- I'd even worked beside her for a few months, organizing the delivery of food every day for a month after my husband returned home from 100 consecutive days in the hospital (almost all of it in Critical Intensive Care) and 30 days in rehab with three bags taped to his abdomen constantly draining and holes where you could see inside his body.

I didn't realize Julia did nothing but take Mom out to sit somewhere with her and "talk".

It was also interesting how Julia took Mom out the first time with her cane which she used to walk short distances ,then it became a "walker" because they were going to "walk a little farther" and then she requested to use the wheelchair so she could "get Mom to more places during their time together".

Fabrications. Lies. Psychologically she was training Mom to believe she was "less capable" than she was. And we came to that conclusion when, after many months of trying to repair Julia's damage, we found out all they did was go to a park or to a Steak 'N Shake and sit and talk the entire time.

Mom was being "groomed". Julia as an RN was trained in Psychology; she went to a prestigious Nursing School and spent four years getting her degree; she also was a highly competitive tennis player with many trophies and even a place in the college/university's "Hall of Fame" for her prowess.

It took the rest of Mom's lifetime for bridges to be built to begin to discover how destructive Julia was; how focused she was on separating Mom from me especially and how she was working to advance Mom's Dementia for her benefit. 

It took constant vigilance and moving Mom to other LTC's because we were told it was "Mom's choice" to live in a facility. All of this with a husband who would die within fourteen months yet being told all he had to do was "gain some weight" and he'd heal better....another medical person not telling the truth.

I'd been pushed, pulled and torn apart and not known the source of this project was a government agency I'd turned to for help in my darkest moments of trying to caregive for two people 24/7 l'd lived with for decades -- my husband and my mother.

The DHSS is a Wolf in sheep's clothing. We saw how this "arm" of the government moved in and removed very young children from parents who entered the country "illegally" placing them in facilities and homes and how they couldn't seem to find many of them.

WHAT? HOW CAN YOU LOSE TRACK OF CHILDREN ENTRUSTED TO YOUR CARE?

SIMPLE. REALLY. It's a government agency that for years has been disorganized, bureaucratic, without being held accountable and reacting instead of investigating and ensuring the "reporter"  was honest and didn't have a "hidden agenda" like Julia did. 

IT'S THE SAME DHSS THAT TOOK THE WORD OF SOMEONE WHO HAD MOTIVES INCLUDING TAKING MOM TO THE BANK AND TAKING ALL THE MONEY SHE HAD SAVED AND KEPT IN HER ROOM. OPENED A "JOINT" SAFETY DEPOSIT BOX AND KEPT BOTH KEYS.

What did the DHSS do when advised this had happened?  NOTHING. You see, Mom had "rights" and could make choices -- even if they were a part of "grooming" and "influence" by an Elder Abuser.

INSERT:  Recently I've discovered the DHSS will not really examine any medical professional and instead automatically take their word, allow their actions. They apparently do not believe a medical professional could make an error, have an agenda or cause harm to anyone. 

WAKE UP DHSS; MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS ARE HUMAN BEINGS WITH ALL THE POSSIBLE FLAWS AND PROBLEMS.

JULIA...WHO SEEMED LIKE AN ANGEL....ACTUALLY WORE ANOTHER CUT OF CLOTH

She's still participating in the Catholic Mass, from last we heard, as a Lector. And most probably continues working with the St Vincent de Paul Society and taking Communion to Residential Facilities for the Older Population. She's probably also "caring for" older men and women in their homes, as she did back in 2010 when we first met her --looking for ways to profit from her "caregiving".

Time moves forward. Systems don't change. 

Ignorant as we were at the time, we had no idea Julia had worked the Elder Care System so well.

THE DHSS BELIEVES An elderly adult has to be abused if reported by a "medical" person.

I've dug through many documents; thank goodness for the ability to find information on line; Julia let her Nursing Certification expire for more than a year and renewed it shortly before she "reported" Mom's abuse?

She'd reported me to the Elder Abuse Hotline for financial and emotional abuse of my mother and had “taken over” as Mom’s “protector” with the blessing of a very inept and incompetently trained DHSS representative, Mom’s Medicaid representative who was also an Adult Protective Care Worker.

The Undue Influence of Julia’s apparently highly planned and orchestrated “take over” of Mom for her own personal financial gain wasn’t apparent and not even a consideration. It would take months and even years for the story to unfold and for the truth to rise to the surface. 

Even today, there are missing pieces, evidence not provided and coverups that continue.

Uprooting suddenly can be traumatic. Yet this was the "plan" of the DHS.

Telling Seniors it’s in their best interest.  Not really given a choice. 

It's for their good and ours -- we won't have to worry any longer. 

We won't have to spend the amount of time checking on them, taking care of their daily needs or even just getting food in the house and making sure the bills are paid.

These were the "excuses" used by the DHSS. They even had Julia take Mom to the facility instead of one of their "own" and Julia made sure Mom signed herself in -- oh what a web they weave when they do deceive.

And, even though my husband was a "Senior', they did nothing to help me get assistance with changing four bags taped to his chest a dozen  times daily to empty the contents or replace the bags.. Oh, they sent someone out to "show me how to do it" but the 24/7 caregiving was walked away from and no assistance offered.

Mom lost so much due to the negligence and practices of the DHSS:

PRIVACY.  Mom had her own room in our home with our family where she resided since 1971 and this was 2010. We moved to two other locations before this final one and Mom was always with us.

When we moved into this final house, Mom was once again asked which of three bedrooms she would like. Mom paid no rent or any other expenses including food and utilities. She spent her money as she pleased and went on many amazing trips often with extra money we contributed so she could travel to far away places and have her own room or cabin on a cruise ship. Mom travelled "solo" or with us until she was 95.

Her room with a double bed, two nightstands, a dressing table and bench, four individually controlled lamps, a long rack for her lovely two sided bed cover, a TV stand with storage and her own TV and VHS tape deck, a double dresser with large mirror, a walk in closet, an automatic reclining lift chair and a door she could open or close as she wanted for privacy. I'd had lovely drapes (she choose the material) and a bedcover made for her and we put shades on her windows so she could adjust the light. The bathroom was down the hall and since the children went off to college and two moved out of the house starting their own families, and our daughter was living in a dorm at her college, the bathroom was completely Mom's to use when she wanted and for how long she wanted.

Bait & Switch.  When Mom arrived at the Long Term Care Facility, they put her in a room all by herself We went to see her and she was very happy. We had no idea she was going to be a "permanent resident".

That lasted a couple of days. Then she was moved to a room half the size and had a roommate -- something Mom was definitely not used to. We didn't know Mom was "checked in" to stay "permanently" -- that realization would come in another couple of days when the facility asked to speak with us because they needed "additional information". 

It was a journey we did not ask to take, did not know anything about where we were going or what would happen and it was finding bits and pieces of a large puzzle we had no idea how many pieces there would be or how many would be so similar in shape.

I can't decide if time moves slowly or quickly but it always moved too fast when we were counting not only the days but the pennies we were accumulating from irregular jobs that were almost always part time and often only one of the two of us, daughter and I, were "employed" and too slowly when we watched both of our beloved family members pain and suffering and had no means to help change the inevitable direction we were all headed.

Now, I still feel like I'm wrapped in slippery, slimmy "goo" enveloping my body and trying to suppress my mind, trying to keep me from seeing, from listening and from telling the truth, the reality found behind closed doors when everyone leaves and residents are alone, sometimes completely alone, to endure the nights and the days of neglect and abuse.

If I were reading this blog and saw the commercials on TV and the internet from many living facilities showing the beauty, the accommodations, the variety and always the smiling, helpful staff seemingly always beside the resident, always there to help and to "care" I’d read these entries with skepticism.

Would that were the true face of Senior Long Term Care. Unfortunately, high costs and lack of numbers of care givers for rising numbers of residents with many more medical concerns at a very later age provide a very different reality.

I've been told it's time for me to "get on" with my life; that my years are quickly passing and my age increasing.

Then I consider others are still being subjected, still being exposed and how we, you and I and others are moving toward our own living "hell" if we don't speak out, don't bring to light and let actions and people continue to cause harm.

Mom lived in three facilities. 

None were respectful or considerate of her as a person, a human being. 

All  neglected and endangered her. 

We were given no choice; we were given no voice. 

Julia ensured Mom, through her constant visiting and undue influence, was kept in these less than humane accommodations. 

Julia needed Mom isolated; we didn't. 

Julia needed Mom to be separated from those who cared for her, who kept her safe and enabled her.

Until we all, as a Nation, raise our voices in Unison for the rights of our Aging Population through fully disclosing how they are managed and yes, abuse and take advantage of those most vulnerable in our population, we will not be a civilization worth remembering.

For it is in how we treat the "least" of our members we are measured.

Reality of Daily Life In Long Term Care

Here's the reality of life in an SNC, Long Term Care, for residents and families:

I always wondered why within six months time residents of Mom's LTC who arrived walking were all in wheelchairs. 

Scenerio:

The resident will probably be "urged" into a wheelchair with "concerns" about a fall risk or  "balance challenges" at their age.

TRANSLATION:  Only if the resident is non mobile is there a guarantee they remain in Long Term Care; with mobility they might be moved or could be placed in Assisted Living --- however, if they are dependent on Medicaid, there is no allowance for Assisted Living, only Long Term Care.

Great for the facility; guarantees occupancy. 

Bad for the resident, loss of using their legs leads to atrophy and medical challenges. . . or even worse accidents than if they were walking with a walker.

THE FACILITIES HAVE FOUND WAYS TO "have their cake and eat it too" --

they insist that those who "can use their legs" MUST have the foot holders removed so they can move themselves around using their hands and feet.

Unfortunately, this "confinement" comes with many limitations:

You might not be able to stand and reach for something you want/need; you may need assistance getting on or off the toilet, 

Getting into the "medicine cabinet" that's placed well above your head for a toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant or other items means someone will have to get it for you....

ring your buzzer, if you can find it...

wait twenty minutes or until your "designated CNA" gets back from getting herself a soda, takes a cigarette break or ...

you may not be able to see yourself in the mirror in the bathroom as well as you'd like while seated in the wheelchair because it's hung so high; 

you may not be able to maneuver your wheelchair in and out with the trashcan that's placed against the door to the bathroom to hold it open because it always swings shut without the weight of the can against it; 

you may not be able to remember where you put those personal care items you remember now and again you'd like to use; 

drop something under the bed and see how long it takes for anyone to notice;

misplace anything and have staff tell you "they'll take care of it" only to never see it again.

One CNA for 10 or more people -- men and women, different mental and physical abilities -- assigned staff so you "get to know them" which in reality means you wait double or triple the time 

So...you're told....it's ok....you have a "diaper" on....just let it go

HOW HUMILIATING...A DIAPER....FOR THOSE WHO COMPREHEND....FOR THOSE WITH MENTAL ABILITY....to be told to "let it fly"...yes, actual words I've heard...for, you see, "these" people can't really understand, you can say just about anything...

Is this the type of life you want for anyone who resides in this amazing country or ours?

It happens around the clock, day after day, night after night as people move into and out of your "loved one's" life -- or what "they" the LTC deem is acceptable, appropriate, what we can get by with, what we don't have to report ....while it's actually 

WHAT THEY GET AWAY WITH BECAUSE WE DON'T REQUIRE CAMERAS OR VOICE RECORDERS....unfortunately needed in many facilities that place the "almighty dollar" ahead of human caregiving. 

And, please, don't think that "Not For Profit"facility is better because it's "charitable". Often the "charity" begins at home and that means giving Executives paid membership(s) at Country Clubs and other "perks".

Check a Not For Profit's reports; learn how to read them; you may be shocked by what you find.  I know I was.

Half A Century: Cause For Celebration: Happy Anniversary!

Looking back is easier when knowledge of what could have been done, should have been done, is the subject of a discussion long past the time of the occurrence.

Old adage:  hindsight is 20/20; foresight is often blind.

It's past. Turned the corner. Moving evermore forward.

Challenges come into my life's path; it's my decision how to handle, what to do and how to make this time effective.

Some words are so interesting --- the simple change of one letter changes the entire subject -- like the word "come" and "came".

Challenges happening and continuing are constant and immediate.  

Challenges handled and survived that are overcome become "past". 

If we learn well, even when they come again, in what shape or form, we have the lessons we learned, the knowledge gained, to apply, even if the challenges are greater, more severe and longer.

I miss you. I'd never thought I'd be where I am and where you are today, at this time in life, in this way.

The other "anniversaries" will still come and go; those of celebrations and those of unanticipated and unwelcome life events.

For now, this time, the celebration is in having had the opportunity to share life with another, create a life and our lives together and to spend what time we had, were given, simply put.....together....even when we were apart.

How do you express "happiness" when the anniversary or the event isn't like it was  for so  long .... together.... occasion for celebration of years added one by one.....?

You walk the path of rememberance. 

You take joy in what life was together. 

You realize and recognize --- 

          it could have been less, it could have been more....

You Give Thanks ..... 

       for what you had and what you have....

           memories & experiences of being together!