Parents Do The Best We Can

Darkness falls

When light fails

So far in

No longer a sin?

Rampant today

Fixed, not remedy.

What do you do when

your son or daughter 

"turns" on you? 

They mis-remember 

or choose to "twist" truth?

Rewriting their lives 

and those of other 

family members.

 

To conform to what 

they believe "now".

You honor their request 

even when it hurts.

When the mandate is 

"NO CONTACT"

The choice is not yours.

Five years and counting. 

A new grandchild arrives; 

no announcement; no contact.

Wait! Intercession. 

Wife of other son 

asks "them" 

to come to her home 

while you're visiting. 

It's a long trip, 

you're only able to make it 

once a year. 

Concerned about meeting 

the youngest 

who was born after 

the "dictate" of their father 

regarding "no contact".

Concerned about 

the younger two 

and the older two -- 

they've been "raised"

with prejudice and with lies.

Allmost speechless 

when the time arrives.

They walk through the door, 

Mother puts them in a line

She makes sure they move along

A quick hug and it's "Next!" in line.

 

Mother parades them through

Quickly moving one after another.   

                 

The day will come. They'll see the light.

Darkness can envelope

Moving away as children develop.

You're just holding on,

Holding back years of tears.

Recalling abuse,

Mental, emotional & physical.

 

Concerned about 

being "watched", "

measured" 

and "evaluated" 

not just by "him", 

also by "her".

All you can say 

to each grandchild is 

"Any time", "Any time".

You wanted to talk 

with each one

but fear if you do 

they'll be removed.

You hold back tears, 

joy and sorrow, 

simply say "Any time" 

Some day will be tomorrow.

 

Whenever they're able, 

they can connect with you.

Once they leave, on their own.

You understand. 

None are "of an age" 

when they're not dependent 

on their parents. 

They don't understand 

this isn't the first time 

their father and mother

"removed" connectivity.

Always screaming how

"He" and "She" were abused

when he was the abuser

to three adult family members

and a very young sister.

It isn't me. 

It wasn't his father 

or his grandmother 

or his sister. 

We were his

"family of the past".

A high price to pay.

He'll see clearly some day.

He has a "master" to serve.

One who never will swerve.

He doesn't NEED OR WANT 

connectivity.....with reality....

with reminders...with truth. 

And so he strikes out  

with the only weapon 

he believes 

will do the most harm, 

be the most hurtful, 

as others don't seem to work.

Negating everything I've ever done.

Verbally abusing each and everyone.

Except of course for where 

Real responsibility sits in a chair.

When you learn of this 

"plan" for "re-meeting", 

you feel sick to your stomach 

worrying about how it will affect 

"the children" 

after so long a time 

without "talking with" 

their Nana and their Aunt.

How does your son

who mandated and enforced

this "no contact" ruling 

from his position of power

to control the minor children 

approach this meeting?

No way to know. 

Only to experience. 

To see how he and his wife 

"handle" the "meeting".

The hardest challenge 

was the "first" meeting 

of the youngest, 

now almost five, 

being told by his mother, 

"I want you to meet someone. 

This is your Grandmother."

What did his little mind think; 

how will he remember this meeting...

will he remember...

it's been many months 

and, of course, no other contact.

What brought on this "separation".... 

it started a few months after 

my husband, son's father's death.

I failed to exactly know

how many people would attend

A luncheon to honor

My husband, his Dad.

The other times it was striking out 

at all the adults in the household: 

his father, myself and his grandmother.

The son, of course, points a finger

only at me now 

because I'm the only 

one still living of the three adults.

Writing about these family challenges 

is draining and brings up more 

than I can cope with in one sharing session.

It's a dark story. 

It's a sad tale of how a family 

that was so close for so long, 

started and continues a journey 

where deception, 

abuse & control are prominent.

There's so much I don't understand

How people can put on a "face" 

to the world while being 

so very different in who they are 

and how they treat others.

Enough for now. 

I will not bow down 

To evil in any form.

I will take my life's journey 

where it should go 

rather than where 

it's been directed 

by other forces.