Even when I walked in the "shoes" of daily living with Lewy Body Dementia, I did not see it, hear it or realize it was advancing and affecting Mom.
We lived together for decades on a daily basis. Perhaps that's why I accepted changes as "growing older" and didn't know what Mom was experiencing wasn't regular aging.
Life brings about change. As we age, there are typical but not always similar changes.
For example, I see many women with severe lines on their faces; some have sunken cheeks, hair (uncolored, that is) turns grey or white, muscular structure changes in arms and legs -- let's not mention the abdomen after giving birth esp by C sections.
Men, too, experience changes. Just turn on the TV and see all the "male enhancers" advertised.
Do we grow more cautious;do we react more to warnings, "Watch it. Hold on tight. Be careful. You might fall."
Children, grown now, seem to forget giving negative instruction bears negative reaction.
Conversations with their parent is often full of admonitions, advice and instruction when observation, listening and conversation through the years as well as during the times of need, are most important.
We removed the carpeting attached to our stairs when we noticed Mom's hesitancy going up and down. This was well before she became more physically challenged.
A cane came into use and we tore out a step and replaced it with an outdoor wooden walkway leading to our back door raising the level and ensuring there was a banister for balance.
Mom developed cataracts; we were told by her "regular" eye doctor, they just weren't ready to "be removed" and this went on for about three years.
We should have changed eye Dr's earlier. Consulting with a more "advanced" office we found out Mom could have laser surgery and it was, indeed, possible and best then and not later.
LESSON LEARNED:
Doctors have agendas; they have opinions; they are not all created equal.
GET AT LEAST A SECOND OPINION AND MAYBE EVEN A THIRD.
SPEECH AND SPEAKING: Listen carefully and you might hear the brain "interruptions" in some speaking patterns. I heard it today in the voice of a prominent older entertainer commenting on another entertainer's passing.
It's not so much a hesitancy with Lewy Body, but a change in the tempo and cadence.
THE EYES ARE WINDOWS: Looking back I recall Mom's "focus" when she was talking moved more and more away from the people with whom she was talking and seemed to wander more "inside herself".
Some would say she was "thinking" but I wonder if this wasn't a reflection of her brain's movement among more memories being "reviewed" and less communication about the time and place we were currently in.
STANDING, WALKING, SITTING: This was a hard one. Mom had an escar on her foot caused in a Nursing Facility by neglect and fecal material draining into a bandage. We found it "by accident" while she was "recoupertating" from a hip "nailing" in a Long Term Care Facility where she was sent for rehab.
Nine months of daily care by me and my husband and being somewhat "confined" to a chair certainly did not help Mom's return to walking and rehab was twenty some odd days, once a day usually, and then it was "over and done".
Yes, Mom progressed, but she needed more strengthening and as with most "advanced age individuals", she was not used to exercising, daily work was her exercise, she lost a lot of physical capacity and capability simply due to the long term of her medical challenges.
With younger people, there would have been long term, assigned rehab but because of Mom's age, the "rehab" was limited by the Insurance company, I'm sure, although this is not information they want to share or make known.
IN MANY WAYS, OUR SOCIETY INCAPACITATES THE OLDER POPULATION THROUGH WHAT I CONSIDER TO BE A FORM OF DISCRIMINATION -- they're older, they're less capable, they're less "value" and therefore not provided the same care and concern and recommendations given for younger, more capable individuals.
THINK WE'RE NOT PREJUDICED IN THIS WAY?
Ever had the ability to compare the orders given over a cross population of various age groups with the same or similar medical conditions?
There's no difference in this practice and the hidden agenda by many Insurance Companies, Hospitals and Medical professionals regarding "recommendations" and decisions concerning what "procedures" are "needed" by an individual varying due to age or perceived "condition".
END NOTE: Keeping this entry shorter, I'll summarize with the advice to read, research and above all network with others in your immediate community and beyond.
GET TO KNOW LEWY. GET TO KNOW ALZY. GET TO KNOW PARK -- these are short "nicknames" for three devastating forms of Dementia: Lewy Body Dementia, Alzheimer's and Parkinson's Disease.
NEVER STOP LEARNING. NEVER STOP RESEARCHING.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Multi Generational Living Makes Cents
I smile as only an "Elder"can
We've kicked the can and kicked ourselves
We arrive at this level thru years
Often accompanied by tears.
Or, sometimes by fears.
Recession often appear
Depression
- Officially February to April 2020, this recession was the shortest on record, triggered by the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.
- This was the longest and one of the deepest U.S. recessions of the post-World War II era. It was caused by the collapse of the U.S. housing market, which triggered a global financial crisis.
- 1981–1982: This was the worst economic downturn in the U.S. since the Great Depression before the Great Recession.1973–1975: This was another significant recession following the 1973 oil crisis.
- 1973–1975: This was another significant recession following the 1973 oil crisis.
on Millennials who were
"forced" to live "
with their parents"
during the Economic Recession.
and the many who are still adding to the statistics of remaining "at home".
What was common practice in the last century and with many cultures, ages and stages of life under one roof, has become "abnormal" in our consumer oriented society that believes debt is a way of life -- multi-generational living.
Daughter and I live together; my mother lived with us. Both times it has been far more reasonable, realistic and advantageous a lifestyle than living apart.
We are separately quite capable of surviving and thriving but together we accomplish and achieve more plus we have the added values minus the huge cost of separation simply for the benefit of others.
When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade is an old saying. Why not enjoy life, share it with those you love and together build a better life than you could possibly have separately?
If I had a "live in significant other" that would be fine with the general society today.
If daugher had a "roommate" of a similar age no one would care.
Just because we happen to be related, enjoy one another's company and provide a mutually beneficial lifestyle to ourselves and one another we should live separately?
It makes both good common sense to live together as we do and is financially responsible -- who cares what others think!
Society seems to think if you can't "make it" on your own, you aren't capable.
Quite the contrary, merging the lives of highly capable people benefits society far more than the struggles encountered by so many who "for appearances sake" move out, move away and move from job to job, often "take on" someone else with whom they struggle and eventually separate -- all in the name of doing what is "expected" by people who really don't get involved, certainly don't want to have to support and actually have no vested interest in what lifestyle is practiced.
WE TOLERATE MANY LIFESTYLES IN THIS 21ST CENTURY BUT WE STILL CANNOT, IN THE UNITED STATES, BRING OURSELVES TO VALUE MULTI GENERATIONAL LIVING.
I watch as other cultures, much older and wiser than we, understand the true meaning of family, of caring for and about those who have given us life and love.
We . . . move them out of their homes, into apartments or "Independent Living" then "Assisted Living" and finally, "Long Term Care".
We . . . see sharing a life together as "imposing" or "giving up privacy" or "becoming a burden".
We ... feel struggling to survive is a "right of passage" no matter your age.
We .... see those who share lives as "not being capable" and/or "failing to prepare for the future".
NONSENSE. Life happens.
We chose this lifestyle to accomodate Mom's need at a younger age than we would have because she had an accident that prevented her from continuing in her profession.
She did return to it for a while, when she lived with us, and I was relieved she no longer had "to depend" on what she could produce to make it from day to day.
She deserved a life that was better than that. And we, through opening our hearts and our home learned the values we practice today.
For our family, we assimilate members into a unit strengthened by love, built on a foundation of trust and understanding and supported by providing each person with dignity, meaning and a feeling of positive contribution.
I moved out of my mother's home into a life with a husband and we followed the path of starting a family. I admit, it wasn't our thought we'd be a multi-generational family.
Most young people in their twenties wear blinders on so many things in life while they tell themselves how much they believe they see and understand.
Looking back I have no regrets. Yes, there were adjustments. There are adjustments now. But Mom's life was far better than it would have been and so was ours.
Mom was active, involved and led a life of choice rather than a life of servitude to the almighty dollar and the passing of time.
She had a home, in a house, with her own room and her own possessions.
She had freedoms and daily chosen responsibilities.
Mom felt valued, needed, useful and capable.
Yes, there were adjustments. There were compromises. But we all gained and we all benefited.
Look down on us and any who strengthen their lives with being what some consider an "unconventional family unit" and you practice a form of discrimination.
Believe any one of our family unit has "taken advantage" or been "taken advantage of" and you have closed your eyes, your ears and your heart to understanding a family unit has many definitions and compositions in the 21st Century.
What was common practice in the last century and with many cultures, ages and stages of life under one roof, has become "abnormal" in our consumer oriented society that believes debt is a way of life -- multi-generational living.
Daughter and I live together; my mother lived with us. Both times it has been far more reasonable, realistic and advantageous a lifestyle than living apart.
We are separately quite capable of surviving and thriving but together we accomplish and achieve more plus we have the added values minus the huge cost of separation simply for the benefit of others.
When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade is an old saying. Why not enjoy life, share it with those you love and together build a better life than you could possibly have separately?
If I had a "live in significant other" that would be fine with the general society today.
If daugher had a "roommate" of a similar age no one would care.
Just because we happen to be related, enjoy one another's company and provide a mutually beneficial lifestyle to ourselves and one another we should live separately?
It makes both good common sense to live together as we do and is financially responsible -- who cares what others think!
Society seems to think if you can't "make it" on your own, you aren't capable.
Quite the contrary, merging the lives of highly capable people benefits society far more than the struggles encountered by so many who "for appearances sake" move out, move away and move from job to job, often "take on" someone else with whom they struggle and eventually separate -- all in the name of doing what is "expected" by people who really don't get involved, certainly don't want to have to support and actually have no vested interest in what lifestyle is practiced.
WE TOLERATE MANY LIFESTYLES IN THIS 21ST CENTURY BUT WE STILL CANNOT, IN THE UNITED STATES, BRING OURSELVES TO VALUE MULTI GENERATIONAL LIVING.
I watch as other cultures, much older and wiser than we, understand the true meaning of family, of caring for and about those who have given us life and love.
We . . . move them out of their homes, into apartments or "Independent Living" then "Assisted Living" and finally, "Long Term Care".
We . . . see sharing a life together as "imposing" or "giving up privacy" or "becoming a burden".
We ... feel struggling to survive is a "right of passage" no matter your age.
We .... see those who share lives as "not being capable" and/or "failing to prepare for the future".
NONSENSE. Life happens.
We chose this lifestyle to accomodate Mom's need at a younger age than we would have because she had an accident that prevented her from continuing in her profession.
She did return to it for a while, when she lived with us, and I was relieved she no longer had "to depend" on what she could produce to make it from day to day.
She deserved a life that was better than that. And we, through opening our hearts and our home learned the values we practice today.
For our family, we assimilate members into a unit strengthened by love, built on a foundation of trust and understanding and supported by providing each person with dignity, meaning and a feeling of positive contribution.
I moved out of my mother's home into a life with a husband and we followed the path of starting a family. I admit, it wasn't our thought we'd be a multi-generational family.
Most young people in their twenties wear blinders on so many things in life while they tell themselves how much they believe they see and understand.
Looking back I have no regrets. Yes, there were adjustments. There are adjustments now. But Mom's life was far better than it would have been and so was ours.
Mom was active, involved and led a life of choice rather than a life of servitude to the almighty dollar and the passing of time.
She had a home, in a house, with her own room and her own possessions.
She had freedoms and daily chosen responsibilities.
Mom felt valued, needed, useful and capable.
Yes, there were adjustments. There were compromises. But we all gained and we all benefited.
Look down on us and any who strengthen their lives with being what some consider an "unconventional family unit" and you practice a form of discrimination.
Believe any one of our family unit has "taken advantage" or been "taken advantage of" and you have closed your eyes, your ears and your heart to understanding a family unit has many definitions and compositions in the 21st Century.
Monday, January 16, 2017
Protect LTC Residents: Stop, Look, Listen,Take Action
Visiting the other day at Mom's old facility, daughter and I were walking down the hall and heard someone calling out. We turned toward the voice, saw a woman half hanging off a bed and asked if she needed help. "Yes, please," came the reply. "I'm stuck. I can't move. I'm afraid I'll fall!"
The resident's "call button" was connected to a chair she sometimes sat in but now she was in her bed.
Even if it had been "on the bed" she wouldn't have been able to reach it and summon help.
The woman was head first hanging over the bed and she was obviously struggling to maintain control of her upper torso; with both legs amputated, she had little control in that position.
I stood beside the bed and blocked further movement down the bedside. Not knowing what other physical challenges the woman had, we were both reluctant to move her.
Daughter went to get help. She returned saying she couldn't find anyone in the same hall or in the adjoining hall.
The resident's "call button" was connected to a chair she sometimes sat in but now she was in her bed.
Even if it had been "on the bed" she wouldn't have been able to reach it and summon help.
The woman was head first hanging over the bed and she was obviously struggling to maintain control of her upper torso; with both legs amputated, she had little control in that position.
I stood beside the bed and blocked further movement down the bedside. Not knowing what other physical challenges the woman had, we were both reluctant to move her.
Daughter went to get help. She returned saying she couldn't find anyone in the same hall or in the adjoining hall.
Finally, daughter who was standing outside continually looking for someone for assistance, spotted an Aide (not sure if a CNA or simply a Nursing Assistant) coming down the hall. Apparently she'd heard someone was looking for assistance for a resident.
She stopped in front of daughter and told her she should be with the person she'd come to visit and not in another room. Trying to explain the resident's need, the Aide was adamant daughter "did not belong" in another room in the facility instead of moving immediately to assist the resident.
She stopped in front of daughter and told her she should be with the person she'd come to visit and not in another room. Trying to explain the resident's need, the Aide was adamant daughter "did not belong" in another room in the facility instead of moving immediately to assist the resident.
Daughter stood her ground. She'd found a resident in need and in a dangerous situation not able to summon help. Aide should have been grateful someone was passing. A rush to the Emergency Room on a holiday would not be good for the resident, her family or the facility.
WHAT RIGHT DID DAUGHTER HAVE TO "GO INTO ANOTHER ROOM"?
Missouri Law clearly states residents have the right to receive visits from anyone they choose.
Missouri Law clearly states residents have the right to receive visits from anyone they choose.
The resident was calling out for help. No one was visible. She asked the woman if she could help. She was invited to help.
Most importantly, the facility knows the medical limitations of the resident, has possibly encountered a similar challenge with the woman possibly reaching for something and finding she's "rolled" past a point in the bed where she can manage/maneuver her body.
MORE IMPORTANTLY: The Aide, Nurses and other staff have no authority to limit or eliminate residents rights. PERIOD.
Even if someone isn't "in need", you have the right to speak to, have conversations with and even make a report to the Department of Health and Senior Services if and when you see a system or procedure you feel is causing neglect or possible injury to or for a resident.
RECOMMENDED: Write a report using the time of the incident, exact location, name of the resident (if known), specific description of incident and because you are familiar with your State's Laws for Residents of Long Term Care Facilities, cite that specific section by number and content.
Get the name or if the person does not wear a name tag that is visible (this should be a standard in the LTC industry but is not actively practiced)ask them for their first and last name and spelling. If the person does not cooperate, ensure you document by name/floor number, room number or exact location and time from beginning to end of incident.
THEN SEND IT TO THE DHSS ASAP and make sure you ask they send a reply to what action has specifically been taken regarding your concerns stating you expect a reply within 5 business days.
NOTE: I've been writing on the subject of safety and security for residents of Long Term Care facilities in this blog since 2013. During this time I've seen actions beginning to be taken to ensure the general public is aware and informed IF THEY KNOW WHERE TO LOOK on the web.
I've voiced my concerns about the Office of the Ombudsman and still have concerns over the lack of staff both paid and volunteer who work to protect individuals in Long Term Care Facilities and believe there should be a removal of the dictate that the Ombudsman "must be invited in" to a LTC.
LTC's provide medical care; they provide more than a place to live.
For someone to go into LTC, the general regulations require the resident to NEED DAILY CARE GIVING IN ACTIVITIES OF DAILY LIVING -- usually a set minimum number of activities of daily living is required to qualify.
We have numerous laws on the books of States regarding children but few cover the lives of Seniors living in all levels of living: Independent, Assisted and Long Term Care.
LTC's are businesses. They rely on funds generated from the individual residents to exist.
Far too many times violations of personal rights provided within the State Laws on Long Term Care Facilities are not known.
In Missouri, click here to see what the law is and for other states, it's as easy as Googling "rights of the individual in Long Term Care Facility in state of .........."
Protect All LTC Residents. If you visit a loved one, keep your eyes, your ears open and remember:
You have the right, you have the responsibility to report actions, systems or procedures that you see as causing immediate harm, have the potential of harming if not corrected and, most importantly, cause our most vulnerable population to live in fear in their daily life from actions they cannot control.
The ASPCA has heart tugging commercials seeking support and funding for animals, especially domestic animals, dogs and cats. We watch and many of us contribute money or time and we are appalled at the "inhumane" treatment.
Yet each day residential facilities for our most vulnerable population are acting in similar ways that we would, if we saw it and knew about it, say is inhumane or at a level that does not provide a quality of life we would want to personally experience.
Do Not Be Fooled by what you see on "public days" -- times when families are known to visit: holidays, facility events, birthdays of a resident. Facilities have marketing, PR and other people who work to "promote" a public image of care and concern while the actual practices do not reflect this advertising.
You Can Make A Big Difference for Today and For Tomorrow in Long Term Care
Most importantly, the facility knows the medical limitations of the resident, has possibly encountered a similar challenge with the woman possibly reaching for something and finding she's "rolled" past a point in the bed where she can manage/maneuver her body.
MORE IMPORTANTLY: The Aide, Nurses and other staff have no authority to limit or eliminate residents rights. PERIOD.
Even if someone isn't "in need", you have the right to speak to, have conversations with and even make a report to the Department of Health and Senior Services if and when you see a system or procedure you feel is causing neglect or possible injury to or for a resident.
RECOMMENDED: Write a report using the time of the incident, exact location, name of the resident (if known), specific description of incident and because you are familiar with your State's Laws for Residents of Long Term Care Facilities, cite that specific section by number and content.
Get the name or if the person does not wear a name tag that is visible (this should be a standard in the LTC industry but is not actively practiced)ask them for their first and last name and spelling. If the person does not cooperate, ensure you document by name/floor number, room number or exact location and time from beginning to end of incident.
THEN SEND IT TO THE DHSS ASAP and make sure you ask they send a reply to what action has specifically been taken regarding your concerns stating you expect a reply within 5 business days.
NOTE: I've been writing on the subject of safety and security for residents of Long Term Care facilities in this blog since 2013. During this time I've seen actions beginning to be taken to ensure the general public is aware and informed IF THEY KNOW WHERE TO LOOK on the web.
I've voiced my concerns about the Office of the Ombudsman and still have concerns over the lack of staff both paid and volunteer who work to protect individuals in Long Term Care Facilities and believe there should be a removal of the dictate that the Ombudsman "must be invited in" to a LTC.
LTC's provide medical care; they provide more than a place to live.
For someone to go into LTC, the general regulations require the resident to NEED DAILY CARE GIVING IN ACTIVITIES OF DAILY LIVING -- usually a set minimum number of activities of daily living is required to qualify.
We have numerous laws on the books of States regarding children but few cover the lives of Seniors living in all levels of living: Independent, Assisted and Long Term Care.
LTC's are businesses. They rely on funds generated from the individual residents to exist.
Far too many times violations of personal rights provided within the State Laws on Long Term Care Facilities are not known.
In Missouri, click here to see what the law is and for other states, it's as easy as Googling "rights of the individual in Long Term Care Facility in state of .........."
Protect All LTC Residents. If you visit a loved one, keep your eyes, your ears open and remember:
You have the right, you have the responsibility to report actions, systems or procedures that you see as causing immediate harm, have the potential of harming if not corrected and, most importantly, cause our most vulnerable population to live in fear in their daily life from actions they cannot control.
The ASPCA has heart tugging commercials seeking support and funding for animals, especially domestic animals, dogs and cats. We watch and many of us contribute money or time and we are appalled at the "inhumane" treatment.
Yet each day residential facilities for our most vulnerable population are acting in similar ways that we would, if we saw it and knew about it, say is inhumane or at a level that does not provide a quality of life we would want to personally experience.
Do Not Be Fooled by what you see on "public days" -- times when families are known to visit: holidays, facility events, birthdays of a resident. Facilities have marketing, PR and other people who work to "promote" a public image of care and concern while the actual practices do not reflect this advertising.
You Can Make A Big Difference for Today and For Tomorrow in Long Term Care
Friday, January 6, 2017
Liabilities and Assets: Value Determined
It's interesting how advice or focuses from some who are in positions of comfort and security always seem to be more authoritative and knowledgeable even when they do not make good, common sense.
We have struggled and are still in the process of regaining our lives since the deaths in our immediate family and we are often seen as making "errors" in decisions others choose to point out or to question through general statements which we understand are meant for us to "consider, examine and choose another action".
Had a recent conversation where a "home" was described as a liability and "renting" was far more reasonable and responsible as a decision.
The explanation was in finance there are two sides to the balance sheet -- assets and liabilities-- and since a home needed constant attention and repair, etc., it was a liability.
The person speaking owned a home, and it wasn't their first home. Interesting how they chose not to follow their own "beliefs" and actually practice what they preach.
If it was such great advice, such sound practice, why begin or continue this practice?
Why add more money to a "liability" and increase the level in purchasing a home of higher value?
Ownership of land and property used to be solely in the hands of the upper class and often conferred upon individuals as a reward for service to a monarch or authority.
Do we want to return to this concept or retain our American definition of home ownership as a goal to strive for along with education and employment?
As a "Democracy", we believe in the individual and their abilities and possibilities and have struggled to ensure everyone had the choice of where and how to live as we instituted laws and practices opening private and public places to more accessability.
One could just as easily, and some have in various works of fiction, describe life itself as a liability.
The body and the needs and wants of the body are certainly constant and require expenditures of energy and cost to maintain -- food, clothing, shelter etc.
We take up space. We use valuable resources.
Children. Certainly a liability there. But if we all chose not to have any -- where would we be as a species?
Those with physical and mental limitations -- accomodating their needs is certainly a monetary and space challenge.
The older population. What? Not productive? What value do they serve?
VALUE. RISK. What measuring methods are we willing to use to make a point, to ensure others "conform" to a specific way of thinking and acting?
Insurance companies evaluate the "risks" every day of providing "coverage" and "procedures" based on evaluations of how this affects their bottom line, which is essentially their "assets" and "liabilities".
Human Nature, humanity itself, is not so callous.
We see value and beauty beyond what can be measured and what appears to be useful.
Have not nations gone to war over "rights" and "responsibilities" they want to have or retain?
Freedoms are assets and they are liabilities.
We cannot draw a straight line in the sand and divide this basic of our society into separate categories.
We have struggled and are still in the process of regaining our lives since the deaths in our immediate family and we are often seen as making "errors" in decisions others choose to point out or to question through general statements which we understand are meant for us to "consider, examine and choose another action".
Had a recent conversation where a "home" was described as a liability and "renting" was far more reasonable and responsible as a decision.
The explanation was in finance there are two sides to the balance sheet -- assets and liabilities-- and since a home needed constant attention and repair, etc., it was a liability.
The person speaking owned a home, and it wasn't their first home. Interesting how they chose not to follow their own "beliefs" and actually practice what they preach.
If it was such great advice, such sound practice, why begin or continue this practice?
Why add more money to a "liability" and increase the level in purchasing a home of higher value?
Ownership of land and property used to be solely in the hands of the upper class and often conferred upon individuals as a reward for service to a monarch or authority.
Do we want to return to this concept or retain our American definition of home ownership as a goal to strive for along with education and employment?
As a "Democracy", we believe in the individual and their abilities and possibilities and have struggled to ensure everyone had the choice of where and how to live as we instituted laws and practices opening private and public places to more accessability.
One could just as easily, and some have in various works of fiction, describe life itself as a liability.
The body and the needs and wants of the body are certainly constant and require expenditures of energy and cost to maintain -- food, clothing, shelter etc.
We take up space. We use valuable resources.
Children. Certainly a liability there. But if we all chose not to have any -- where would we be as a species?
Those with physical and mental limitations -- accomodating their needs is certainly a monetary and space challenge.
The older population. What? Not productive? What value do they serve?
VALUE. RISK. What measuring methods are we willing to use to make a point, to ensure others "conform" to a specific way of thinking and acting?
Insurance companies evaluate the "risks" every day of providing "coverage" and "procedures" based on evaluations of how this affects their bottom line, which is essentially their "assets" and "liabilities".
Human Nature, humanity itself, is not so callous.
We see value and beauty beyond what can be measured and what appears to be useful.
Have not nations gone to war over "rights" and "responsibilities" they want to have or retain?
Freedoms are assets and they are liabilities.
We cannot draw a straight line in the sand and divide this basic of our society into separate categories.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Long Term Care Facilities Obsolete
Another "residence" for Seniors is going up on a corner in a very busy section of our town.
Down the highway, within a few miles of one another are three more "residential" or "continum care" communities.
"A Place For Mom" cites 50 Assisted Living, 33 Dementia Care facilities and I'm still researching how many Long Term Care Facilities there are in my area -- check out the DHSS for your state to get your info.
Many advertise as being "Assisted Living" and "Memory Care" -- that last one is the polite way of saying "Dementia Care"
The figures above do not include the many new builds popping up around town or the expansions of existing facilities.
The more we're willing to move out, move on, the more will be built. The less we educate ourselves and others about how to adapt and reconfigure our homes to accomodate aging, the more we'll "need" a "facility".
I find this dynamic growth in building and expanding interesting since Missouri proports to have a practice of helping Seniors and others with limitations and challenges to continue to live in their communities or return to the general population through their program known as "Money Follows The Person".
Even if you plan ahead, even if you "have the money", few faciliites provide the level of quality and service you're sold to exchange your property, your home, your savings, for the "guarantee" you'll always have a place "to live" once you reach the level where you'll need more "personal attention" and "monitoring".
MY ADVICE: Tour the Long Term Care portion of these facilities first and do more than a walk through. Attend daily activities, read their State Reports -- none are required from Independent Living, Assisted Living and even some "Dementia Units". The laws regarding even the low level of transparency now practiced only applies to "Nursing Home or Long Term Care Facilities".
CAUTION: Continuum of care is the next challenge to our economy if we don't ensure residences for those with medical and/or physical challenges, including low functioning individuals are more protected, we will have a crisis on our hands we've not seen since the School Crisis was brought to light.
We are living longer, many are living with better health or monitoring by family and friends.
Perhaps more should consider multigenerational living.
We did. It worked because everyone was a part of the family, was appreciated and was respected.
Those are the foundation blocks on which families are built and succeed.
Down the highway, within a few miles of one another are three more "residential" or "continum care" communities.
"A Place For Mom" cites 50 Assisted Living, 33 Dementia Care facilities and I'm still researching how many Long Term Care Facilities there are in my area -- check out the DHSS for your state to get your info.
Many advertise as being "Assisted Living" and "Memory Care" -- that last one is the polite way of saying "Dementia Care"
The figures above do not include the many new builds popping up around town or the expansions of existing facilities.
The more we're willing to move out, move on, the more will be built. The less we educate ourselves and others about how to adapt and reconfigure our homes to accomodate aging, the more we'll "need" a "facility".
I find this dynamic growth in building and expanding interesting since Missouri proports to have a practice of helping Seniors and others with limitations and challenges to continue to live in their communities or return to the general population through their program known as "Money Follows The Person".
Even if you plan ahead, even if you "have the money", few faciliites provide the level of quality and service you're sold to exchange your property, your home, your savings, for the "guarantee" you'll always have a place "to live" once you reach the level where you'll need more "personal attention" and "monitoring".
MY ADVICE: Tour the Long Term Care portion of these facilities first and do more than a walk through. Attend daily activities, read their State Reports -- none are required from Independent Living, Assisted Living and even some "Dementia Units". The laws regarding even the low level of transparency now practiced only applies to "Nursing Home or Long Term Care Facilities".
CAUTION: Continuum of care is the next challenge to our economy if we don't ensure residences for those with medical and/or physical challenges, including low functioning individuals are more protected, we will have a crisis on our hands we've not seen since the School Crisis was brought to light.
We are living longer, many are living with better health or monitoring by family and friends.
Perhaps more should consider multigenerational living.
We did. It worked because everyone was a part of the family, was appreciated and was respected.
Those are the foundation blocks on which families are built and succeed.
Friday, August 12, 2016
Help Is Only Available In Certain Zip Codes; Get Pregnant To Get Help
Government and private organizations claim they're there for you when you need them.
Once inside their doors, you find mostly lip service and very little real assistance.
Each one has parameters, limitations, scopes and directives.
In plain language that simply means they don't have the time, the money, the staff or whatever to help you and me when we need it.
Everything's on the internet, you're told.
Finding the correct site, the one that applies to your situation, going through all the steps and then discovering you have to submit a form, make a call or visit in person with specific materials that may or may not qualify you ...
All at a time when money is most likely very tight, time is not available because you're care giving a person who may be mentally and/or physically incapable or incapacitated (let alone two people as I was doing) ...
Money goes quickly when no one can work because they're 24/7 caregiving for two loved ones and their needs surpass the "allowances" given by agencies and programs that might be available FOR a very limited time AND to a specific level or amount.
There's help, all you need to do is reach out and let us know ....
Really? Where? One visit to "assess" someone by your organization?
Then you're told if you're "being considered" by one agency, you aren't eligible for being considered by another. You'll have to wait and see. WAIT AND SEE????
The need is now. The challenges are getting greater.
What and where is the help, the assistance for someone who's found themselves in a life situation for which their "self supporting never asking for anything" life has not prepared them, not provided information and does not include "knowing the system" or "abusing it" as they were taught so many choose to do.
When Seeking Provision of adult pads for incontinence.
Was told to go to the local Area on Aging who had allocations for this purpose.
They'd gone through the money set aside for this purpose; it was August.
They didn't know anyone else who made them available.
Great!
Don't like to compare in this way but babies and infants have the same need and yet there are organizations set up specifically for this purpose.
Why don't we recognize there are others, the aged and those with physical challenges, also in need of these supplies?
When Seeking Help understanding Mom and trying to provide the best personal and medical care.
Feeling there was possible Alzheimers.
Had no idea there were various types of Dementia.
Went to the Alzheimer's Association.
Interviewer said AZ could not be fully diagnosed without an autopsy --- this was 2010, times have changed somewhat and some Doctors will provide a diagnosis and there are new ways to scan the brain and look for this possibility -- that is "if" you can afford it, "if" the insurance covers it and "if" the person agrees to having the procedure. That's a lot of "ifs"
Second Visit to Alzheimer's Association and another conversation with another "representative":
I'd discovered there were other types of Dementia.
Found what little information there was on Lewy Body Dementia at the time because Mom's symptoms didn't match Alzheimer's but they did Lewy Body Dementia.
"Counselor" didn't know about LBD.
Suggested books and pamphlets.
And around in circles we continued to go as we spent precious time we didn't have and money we barely had to try to get help for our loved ones.
Interviewer listened to my pleas for help and concerns about Julia H.
Guided me to books and pamphlets.
No other direction.
What help was that?
While I tried to care for two adults at the same time, daughter realized help was only going to be given through our hands and so she quit college. Junior year.
So much potential. She'd achieved so many awards and opportunities now shelved as she dropped out and looked for minimum wage jobs, all she could qualify for, while helping me with the growing needs of two people needing highly individualized care giving.
Institutionalize them? We couldn't. We didn't see the path ahead and all its challenges for both of them. It's not that clear when you move from day to day and you're told "if he gains enough weight, we can go back in and repair and close the opening(s)". And, with Mom, it was "all older people have these times" and "she's doing so well for her age".
It's what they don't tell you, what they fail to tell you and how they do not come alongside with anything more than verbal remarks, comments and not even specific suggestions.
POSSIBLY BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD MEDICARE for husband and Medicaid for Mom?
We are so uninformed as a society as to the reality of what is and is not covered by these two plans.
We do not know what is "allowed" and what is "covered" and where and "for how much".
We live in "The Greatest Country On Earth" and we truly have the worst, the least and the most secretive medical system where the only way you truly know, on government "provided" health care or individually purchased, what's included, what's limited and what's not allowed is when you actually need it and are provided with a service that's less or none at all and question the Dr's "recommended" procedure for your needs.
Did you know many times these "recommendations" are based on what the Insurance will cover and not on what would best be done?
Savings gone. Part time jobs with no guaranteed hours and no guaranteed income,
daughter tries to get us help by personally visiting a government agency seeking assistance including Food Stamps.
They could offer nothing. They suggested she try a food bank.
Do you know what else was recommended?
If she was pregnant, she could get support and assistance.
Yes. That's correct. She was actually being advised to get pregnant out of wedlock if she wanted "help". Then, she, at least, would be taken care of.
How demeaning and demoralizing can we be as a society to see this as a solution when all we asked for was a little assistance to get past these challenging times we truly believed were surmountable and would end positively.
This amazing human being is trying to help her family and she's told -- have a baby, bring another life into a home struggling to overcome medical and financial challenges.
She and we "lived in" a home located in a zip code that wasn't considered "within the parameters of programs that were "designed", we were told, for defined parameters/zip codes.
Health challenges know no boundries.
There are no Counties, Cities or areas where you can live assured what happened to us, what happens to others, cannot happen to you but there apparently are "lines of demarkation" when it comes to assistance either publically or privately.
This story happens every day. It may be slightly different but it's happening as I write and it will continue until we realize and recognize neighbors, friends and relatives of all ages are just steps away from impending disaster.
We have survived. We are making it. But why did we have to make the journey in this way that would take so long and almost destroy us on the way?
Once inside their doors, you find mostly lip service and very little real assistance.
Each one has parameters, limitations, scopes and directives.
In plain language that simply means they don't have the time, the money, the staff or whatever to help you and me when we need it.
Everything's on the internet, you're told.
Finding the correct site, the one that applies to your situation, going through all the steps and then discovering you have to submit a form, make a call or visit in person with specific materials that may or may not qualify you ...
All at a time when money is most likely very tight, time is not available because you're care giving a person who may be mentally and/or physically incapable or incapacitated (let alone two people as I was doing) ...
Money goes quickly when no one can work because they're 24/7 caregiving for two loved ones and their needs surpass the "allowances" given by agencies and programs that might be available FOR a very limited time AND to a specific level or amount.
There's help, all you need to do is reach out and let us know ....
Really? Where? One visit to "assess" someone by your organization?
Then you're told if you're "being considered" by one agency, you aren't eligible for being considered by another. You'll have to wait and see. WAIT AND SEE????
The need is now. The challenges are getting greater.
What and where is the help, the assistance for someone who's found themselves in a life situation for which their "self supporting never asking for anything" life has not prepared them, not provided information and does not include "knowing the system" or "abusing it" as they were taught so many choose to do.
When Seeking Provision of adult pads for incontinence.
Was told to go to the local Area on Aging who had allocations for this purpose.
They'd gone through the money set aside for this purpose; it was August.
They didn't know anyone else who made them available.
Great!
Don't like to compare in this way but babies and infants have the same need and yet there are organizations set up specifically for this purpose.
Why don't we recognize there are others, the aged and those with physical challenges, also in need of these supplies?
When Seeking Help understanding Mom and trying to provide the best personal and medical care.
Feeling there was possible Alzheimers.
Had no idea there were various types of Dementia.
Went to the Alzheimer's Association.
Interviewer said AZ could not be fully diagnosed without an autopsy --- this was 2010, times have changed somewhat and some Doctors will provide a diagnosis and there are new ways to scan the brain and look for this possibility -- that is "if" you can afford it, "if" the insurance covers it and "if" the person agrees to having the procedure. That's a lot of "ifs"
Second Visit to Alzheimer's Association and another conversation with another "representative":
I'd discovered there were other types of Dementia.
Found what little information there was on Lewy Body Dementia at the time because Mom's symptoms didn't match Alzheimer's but they did Lewy Body Dementia.
"Counselor" didn't know about LBD.
Suggested books and pamphlets.
And around in circles we continued to go as we spent precious time we didn't have and money we barely had to try to get help for our loved ones.
Interviewer listened to my pleas for help and concerns about Julia H.
Guided me to books and pamphlets.
No other direction.
What help was that?
While I tried to care for two adults at the same time, daughter realized help was only going to be given through our hands and so she quit college. Junior year.
So much potential. She'd achieved so many awards and opportunities now shelved as she dropped out and looked for minimum wage jobs, all she could qualify for, while helping me with the growing needs of two people needing highly individualized care giving.
Institutionalize them? We couldn't. We didn't see the path ahead and all its challenges for both of them. It's not that clear when you move from day to day and you're told "if he gains enough weight, we can go back in and repair and close the opening(s)". And, with Mom, it was "all older people have these times" and "she's doing so well for her age".
It's what they don't tell you, what they fail to tell you and how they do not come alongside with anything more than verbal remarks, comments and not even specific suggestions.
POSSIBLY BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD MEDICARE for husband and Medicaid for Mom?
We are so uninformed as a society as to the reality of what is and is not covered by these two plans.
We do not know what is "allowed" and what is "covered" and where and "for how much".
We live in "The Greatest Country On Earth" and we truly have the worst, the least and the most secretive medical system where the only way you truly know, on government "provided" health care or individually purchased, what's included, what's limited and what's not allowed is when you actually need it and are provided with a service that's less or none at all and question the Dr's "recommended" procedure for your needs.
Did you know many times these "recommendations" are based on what the Insurance will cover and not on what would best be done?
Savings gone. Part time jobs with no guaranteed hours and no guaranteed income,
daughter tries to get us help by personally visiting a government agency seeking assistance including Food Stamps.
They could offer nothing. They suggested she try a food bank.
Do you know what else was recommended?
If she was pregnant, she could get support and assistance.
Yes. That's correct. She was actually being advised to get pregnant out of wedlock if she wanted "help". Then, she, at least, would be taken care of.
How demeaning and demoralizing can we be as a society to see this as a solution when all we asked for was a little assistance to get past these challenging times we truly believed were surmountable and would end positively.
This amazing human being is trying to help her family and she's told -- have a baby, bring another life into a home struggling to overcome medical and financial challenges.
She and we "lived in" a home located in a zip code that wasn't considered "within the parameters of programs that were "designed", we were told, for defined parameters/zip codes.
Health challenges know no boundries.
There are no Counties, Cities or areas where you can live assured what happened to us, what happens to others, cannot happen to you but there apparently are "lines of demarkation" when it comes to assistance either publically or privately.
This story happens every day. It may be slightly different but it's happening as I write and it will continue until we realize and recognize neighbors, friends and relatives of all ages are just steps away from impending disaster.
We have survived. We are making it. But why did we have to make the journey in this way that would take so long and almost destroy us on the way?
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Fault Finding Journey With My Family and Others
We have people in our lives who believe we've had the experiences we did because we failed in so many ways.
They've not faced the storms of life where all you can do is hang on and survive the moment for however long it lasts.
They've not had challenges where you could see no end in sight and where multiple "waves" of more challenges come forcefully at you as you struggle to survive.
Those who are fortunate, who have never had multiple continuous adversity do not understand how fortunate they are.
There are parts of life that take longer, provide more and continuing obstacles and require continuous survival actions.
People do not always create or have control over their lives.
The general consensus of many is "if you plan right, if you save enough, if you put everything in place" life will be easier and go smoothly.
Marketing and advertising for all kinds of insurance and investments bombards us with this message in all media.
Dreams can become nightmares caused by life beyond your control and even beyond your foreseeing, planning for and anticipation.
We live life, the American Dream, believing tomorrow will be better.
We try to take advantage of opportunities. That sometimes incurs sacrifices.
Those of us who have learned theirs is not a life of "luck" but one of hard work and sacrifice realize the tide of life can bring in the beautiful sea shells on the beach and it can also become a Tsunami destroying everything in its sight.
We could have made different decisions. Of course. Especially with hindsight instead of being forced into the moment and expected to make an instantaneous determination -- as medical and other decisions often can be.
With real life, you have limited access to information, even in today's tech world, that is accurate and applicable. It's also a question of reliablity and where the gain can be realized by the person or entity providing it.
What some fail to see is the amazing opportunities and life we were able to provide not just for ourselves and our family but for others as we made decisions touching others in positive ways and giving outside of ourselves.
My philosophy, for what it's worth:
We should live believing in the beauty of the sunrise and the sunset and the coming day after the long night.
Life involves taking risks, realizing opportunities and believing in yourself and those around you who you value and support.
More money would not have changed the devastating effects of actions taken by the hospital and medical care given my husband that began our nightmare journey.
Medical costs and personal costs cannot be measured in dollars and cents but in what we give of ourselves throughout our lives.
Family members, friends and others benefited from decisions we, me especially, made over the years. They seem to ignore that part of the past they love to tear apart.
If someone finds fault with you, your life, your choices, look to what they want, what they need and why they choose to find fault.
As I was taught many years ago, point one finger and look where the other four are pointing, right back at you!
Life isn't always according to your plan.
They've not faced the storms of life where all you can do is hang on and survive the moment for however long it lasts.
They've not had challenges where you could see no end in sight and where multiple "waves" of more challenges come forcefully at you as you struggle to survive.
Those who are fortunate, who have never had multiple continuous adversity do not understand how fortunate they are.
There are parts of life that take longer, provide more and continuing obstacles and require continuous survival actions.
People do not always create or have control over their lives.
The general consensus of many is "if you plan right, if you save enough, if you put everything in place" life will be easier and go smoothly.
Marketing and advertising for all kinds of insurance and investments bombards us with this message in all media.
Dreams can become nightmares caused by life beyond your control and even beyond your foreseeing, planning for and anticipation.
We live life, the American Dream, believing tomorrow will be better.
We try to take advantage of opportunities. That sometimes incurs sacrifices.
Those of us who have learned theirs is not a life of "luck" but one of hard work and sacrifice realize the tide of life can bring in the beautiful sea shells on the beach and it can also become a Tsunami destroying everything in its sight.
We could have made different decisions. Of course. Especially with hindsight instead of being forced into the moment and expected to make an instantaneous determination -- as medical and other decisions often can be.
With real life, you have limited access to information, even in today's tech world, that is accurate and applicable. It's also a question of reliablity and where the gain can be realized by the person or entity providing it.
What some fail to see is the amazing opportunities and life we were able to provide not just for ourselves and our family but for others as we made decisions touching others in positive ways and giving outside of ourselves.
My philosophy, for what it's worth:
We should live believing in the beauty of the sunrise and the sunset and the coming day after the long night.
Life involves taking risks, realizing opportunities and believing in yourself and those around you who you value and support.
More money would not have changed the devastating effects of actions taken by the hospital and medical care given my husband that began our nightmare journey.
Medical costs and personal costs cannot be measured in dollars and cents but in what we give of ourselves throughout our lives.
Family members, friends and others benefited from decisions we, me especially, made over the years. They seem to ignore that part of the past they love to tear apart.
If someone finds fault with you, your life, your choices, look to what they want, what they need and why they choose to find fault.
As I was taught many years ago, point one finger and look where the other four are pointing, right back at you!
Life isn't always according to your plan.
Saturday, June 25, 2016
Parkinsons: Sister Disease to Lewy Body Dementia
Muhammed Ali was laid to rest; his greatest battle was with Parkinsons, sister Dementia to Lewy Body Dementia.
They're all related, the Dementias; they are diseases attacking the brain, slowly reducing and often completely taking away capacity and capability.
Some, like Alzheimer's are the robbers, stealing completely what they find.
Others, like Parkinson's and Lewy Body Dementia inhibit, then limit and finally remove ability and capability while providing a battleground the strongest manage to wage war upon and fight until all the reserves, the remainders, are weakened or destroyed.
Praises for Muhammed Ali's fighting against the disease were given by those high and wide in society; from Presidents to people on the street.
What isn't being said as loudly is this is a battle we should all be fighting, all be aware exists and should be fought on every street corner, in every group and organization and every individual home. AWARENESS. ACTION. ALIGNMENT.
Awareness. It's a disease; like any other it has a root, a basis and there can be actions and decisions made to conquer it as we are conquering other major life changing diseases like Cancer and Heart disease/problems.
Action. Realizing this killer stalks and preys on people who have been involved in sports involving hard contact with the head -- football, wrestling, soccer, prize fighting, to name a few -- and people with no history of exposing their bodies to physical abuse. Why? What are the similarities when there's such a difference in how someone chooses to live, to work, to play?
Alignment. Understanding Dementia is not a disease of age, it's a disease of circumstances we do not yet understand.
Causes?
Like Cancer in the beginning we're just becoming aware there are many possibilities and potentials for "contracting" the disease -- maybe some genetic, maybe some lifestyles, maybe some environmental, maybe some we're yet to discover.
YOU and I hold the keys to this Pandora's Box through becoming involved in learning, observing and raising our voices loudly and long for more understsanding, more information, more realization that Dementia isn't relegated nor is it always "natural" as we grow older.
WHAT? WHEN? WHERE?
What can we learn and do with knowledge to begin to understand and eventually prevent the mushrooming cloud of Dementia from overcoming society as Cancer has done for so long.
When do we realize through sharing medical information, insights and conjectures, we gain a world where we can focus on living together more harmoniously and more equally.
Where will we go from here, from another loss of life to a group of Diseases that kill slowly and challenges the weakest and the strongest among us.
How will you live today and tomorrow?
Will you live in fear or finding ways to learn, to combat and to eventually eradicate Dementia as we're working so long and so hard against many other diseases.
Your future is in your hands; the future of those you love and care about depends on your choices.
They're all related, the Dementias; they are diseases attacking the brain, slowly reducing and often completely taking away capacity and capability.
Some, like Alzheimer's are the robbers, stealing completely what they find.
Others, like Parkinson's and Lewy Body Dementia inhibit, then limit and finally remove ability and capability while providing a battleground the strongest manage to wage war upon and fight until all the reserves, the remainders, are weakened or destroyed.
Praises for Muhammed Ali's fighting against the disease were given by those high and wide in society; from Presidents to people on the street.
What isn't being said as loudly is this is a battle we should all be fighting, all be aware exists and should be fought on every street corner, in every group and organization and every individual home. AWARENESS. ACTION. ALIGNMENT.
Awareness. It's a disease; like any other it has a root, a basis and there can be actions and decisions made to conquer it as we are conquering other major life changing diseases like Cancer and Heart disease/problems.
Action. Realizing this killer stalks and preys on people who have been involved in sports involving hard contact with the head -- football, wrestling, soccer, prize fighting, to name a few -- and people with no history of exposing their bodies to physical abuse. Why? What are the similarities when there's such a difference in how someone chooses to live, to work, to play?
Alignment. Understanding Dementia is not a disease of age, it's a disease of circumstances we do not yet understand.
Causes?
Like Cancer in the beginning we're just becoming aware there are many possibilities and potentials for "contracting" the disease -- maybe some genetic, maybe some lifestyles, maybe some environmental, maybe some we're yet to discover.
YOU and I hold the keys to this Pandora's Box through becoming involved in learning, observing and raising our voices loudly and long for more understsanding, more information, more realization that Dementia isn't relegated nor is it always "natural" as we grow older.
WHAT? WHEN? WHERE?
What can we learn and do with knowledge to begin to understand and eventually prevent the mushrooming cloud of Dementia from overcoming society as Cancer has done for so long.
When do we realize through sharing medical information, insights and conjectures, we gain a world where we can focus on living together more harmoniously and more equally.
Where will we go from here, from another loss of life to a group of Diseases that kill slowly and challenges the weakest and the strongest among us.
How will you live today and tomorrow?
Will you live in fear or finding ways to learn, to combat and to eventually eradicate Dementia as we're working so long and so hard against many other diseases.
Your future is in your hands; the future of those you love and care about depends on your choices.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Time In A Bottle
A song from earlier in life, "Time in a Bottle" comes to mind ...
when I think about daughter and my experiences many Saturdays going to local Garage and Yard Sales...
It's become a ways and means of getting out, getting away, spending very little, usually a couple of dollars on an item we'd spend far more on in a store ....
while gaining a different perspective on our lives.
We see other people's lives set out on tables, displayed throughout homes they live/lived in ... collections, mementos, decor, clothing, items of everyday living....
It's been eye opening and healing to see--
There are others -- out there -- who've lived similar lifestyles, bought styles and items others now see as "worthless" and without merit -- especially my oldest son (yes, still a thorn in my side, unfortunately).
Why did I and do I allow this adverse influence to negatively affect me?
Is it common for Mothers to continue to bear the challenges inflicted on them by grown children who have yet to mature or who may never reach that maturity where others are as important as and often more important than "self"?
Time has personal healing properties and I've been travelling the road of re-establishing my personal worth beyond oldest son's evaluations of me.
Children . . . some never seem to completely grow up.
It's through my working to reinstate myself in the world and revaluing my self in my own eyes and not looking at the glass as half empty and not needing this son's approval, his favor, that I continue and know change is inevitable even if it's not in his actions, words or deeds.
Eyes are opened when you walk in the homes, the lives, of others.
There are the
"weeders" -- those who've decided to sell unneeded or grown out of items -- mostly families who've moved past children of one age and not planning another "addition" so they sell to acquire, usually, for the next stage, the new levels of wants and needs.
"participators" -- those who get into a garage sale in their neighborhood or "try one on" to see if they can "move, get rid of, dump or sell" items they no longer want, need or may have as a part time business and a garage sale is an additional market.
"life changers" -- something is happening in their lives; they're moving to another location if they're younger or downsizing if they're older; or, sadly, a loss of one or more residents of the house, the home, where memories remain after items are removed OR like us, struggling to make ends meet and finding items they can "do without" or find no current use for to attempt to sell in this way or others.
Occasionally, as a recent past weekend, you walk through a life you don't know for certain but believe a catastrophe has occurred because of what is "left behind", what remains.
There are items from all family members, including children. Not items usually "given away" or "given up".
We don't ask. We don't overhear any comments. We just "feel".
Items of little marketable value and not disposable or "get rid of" are what we usually find at the yard and garage sales.
Then, there's the items that should be tossed or given to a secondary market (charity stores) but usually the "owners" have some attachment or need to try to make some money and so try to sell, often way above the worth of the article, at a garage/yard sale.
What's been helpful as we've moved forward with our lives, and especially to me as my oldest son has found so much "wrong" with the decisions we made, his father and I but mostly me, to purchase items for ourselves and our home is finding out how many others in our "age group" made the same choices, collected the same things, decorated in the same ways.
I remember having garage sales, one of many ways we tried to raise additional money when we were struggling to provide just the basics and pay the bills.
Every quarter mattered and every dollar was carefully totaled adding to another ability to pay a bill or survive a little longer at the base minimal level we'd arrived at.
Care Giving is costly. It taxes your body, mind, spirit and finances when the person lives directly with you and when your means are not sufficient to provide the life they deserve, the life they need.
I wouldn't have lived any other way; I regret not one moment, and would do it again, willingly.
There is no price that can be placed, no personal losses too extensive when a child, spouse or parent in a family needs you to be there for them in times of medical and personal challenges.
What was not needed, what was extremely harmful, were the suppositions and allegations of a family member and of an outsider, someone who was never a part of the lives of the family, who decided they "knew best" and that included acting in harmful, deceptive and what most would consider illegal ways without concern or care for the family unit they were affecting, the lives they were altering and changing -- forever.
This blog aims to enlighten, to share, to provide insights into the challenges and possibilities and to compare the footprints of generations then and now of individuals and of cultures who accept and who nurture throughout the lifetimes of their members.
To shine the light on realities and harshness;
To benefit through knowledge and awareness;
To give hope and to provide insight gained ...
as we continue to travel the road of moving onward with sometimes standing still, sometimes falling backwards and always picking up what's been dropped, what's fallen aside, what needs to be carried onward while leaving behind what should remain.
Let our footprints in the sands of time remain deep and clear and when we choose to pick up and carry someone for a distance, let's remember we are walking in bigger footsteps and being carried ourselves.
when I think about daughter and my experiences many Saturdays going to local Garage and Yard Sales...
It's become a ways and means of getting out, getting away, spending very little, usually a couple of dollars on an item we'd spend far more on in a store ....
while gaining a different perspective on our lives.
We see other people's lives set out on tables, displayed throughout homes they live/lived in ... collections, mementos, decor, clothing, items of everyday living....
It's been eye opening and healing to see--
There are others -- out there -- who've lived similar lifestyles, bought styles and items others now see as "worthless" and without merit -- especially my oldest son (yes, still a thorn in my side, unfortunately).
Why did I and do I allow this adverse influence to negatively affect me?
Is it common for Mothers to continue to bear the challenges inflicted on them by grown children who have yet to mature or who may never reach that maturity where others are as important as and often more important than "self"?
Time has personal healing properties and I've been travelling the road of re-establishing my personal worth beyond oldest son's evaluations of me.
Children . . . some never seem to completely grow up.
It's through my working to reinstate myself in the world and revaluing my self in my own eyes and not looking at the glass as half empty and not needing this son's approval, his favor, that I continue and know change is inevitable even if it's not in his actions, words or deeds.
Eyes are opened when you walk in the homes, the lives, of others.
There are the
"weeders" -- those who've decided to sell unneeded or grown out of items -- mostly families who've moved past children of one age and not planning another "addition" so they sell to acquire, usually, for the next stage, the new levels of wants and needs.
"participators" -- those who get into a garage sale in their neighborhood or "try one on" to see if they can "move, get rid of, dump or sell" items they no longer want, need or may have as a part time business and a garage sale is an additional market.
"life changers" -- something is happening in their lives; they're moving to another location if they're younger or downsizing if they're older; or, sadly, a loss of one or more residents of the house, the home, where memories remain after items are removed OR like us, struggling to make ends meet and finding items they can "do without" or find no current use for to attempt to sell in this way or others.
Occasionally, as a recent past weekend, you walk through a life you don't know for certain but believe a catastrophe has occurred because of what is "left behind", what remains.
There are items from all family members, including children. Not items usually "given away" or "given up".
We don't ask. We don't overhear any comments. We just "feel".
Items of little marketable value and not disposable or "get rid of" are what we usually find at the yard and garage sales.
Then, there's the items that should be tossed or given to a secondary market (charity stores) but usually the "owners" have some attachment or need to try to make some money and so try to sell, often way above the worth of the article, at a garage/yard sale.
What's been helpful as we've moved forward with our lives, and especially to me as my oldest son has found so much "wrong" with the decisions we made, his father and I but mostly me, to purchase items for ourselves and our home is finding out how many others in our "age group" made the same choices, collected the same things, decorated in the same ways.
I remember having garage sales, one of many ways we tried to raise additional money when we were struggling to provide just the basics and pay the bills.
Every quarter mattered and every dollar was carefully totaled adding to another ability to pay a bill or survive a little longer at the base minimal level we'd arrived at.
Care Giving is costly. It taxes your body, mind, spirit and finances when the person lives directly with you and when your means are not sufficient to provide the life they deserve, the life they need.
I wouldn't have lived any other way; I regret not one moment, and would do it again, willingly.
There is no price that can be placed, no personal losses too extensive when a child, spouse or parent in a family needs you to be there for them in times of medical and personal challenges.
What was not needed, what was extremely harmful, were the suppositions and allegations of a family member and of an outsider, someone who was never a part of the lives of the family, who decided they "knew best" and that included acting in harmful, deceptive and what most would consider illegal ways without concern or care for the family unit they were affecting, the lives they were altering and changing -- forever.
This blog aims to enlighten, to share, to provide insights into the challenges and possibilities and to compare the footprints of generations then and now of individuals and of cultures who accept and who nurture throughout the lifetimes of their members.
To shine the light on realities and harshness;
To benefit through knowledge and awareness;
To give hope and to provide insight gained ...
as we continue to travel the road of moving onward with sometimes standing still, sometimes falling backwards and always picking up what's been dropped, what's fallen aside, what needs to be carried onward while leaving behind what should remain.
Let our footprints in the sands of time remain deep and clear and when we choose to pick up and carry someone for a distance, let's remember we are walking in bigger footsteps and being carried ourselves.